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  Ottawa Divorce .com Forums > Main Category > Parenting Issues

Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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  #1  
Old 08-06-2012, 10:54 PM
mykidsandi mykidsandi is offline
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Default 16 flights a year for 7 yr old

I had to move a long distance for my career and I have sole custody with no mobility clauses in the Order. The father only seen the kids approx 15 days a year. Now he was given more access to visit the children. We have an interim order awaiting the final order. In the interim dad has 16 flights for the children. They fly unaccompanied both ways, and children are scared and apprehensive to fly with "strangers" in the plane. The school has documented hysterical sobbing by kids in class when picked up to go to airport. Another kid is soiling his pants now! They are 7. Kids spoke to dad but they tell me dad wont "help" them.
I have sent offers to settle asking dad to fly up 3 times and stay at hotel to visit kids over weekends. We live 2.5 hrs from airport. Plus kids can fly down 3 weeks a year (mar break, week july, week of new years). His access has more than doubled now and he doesnt care about anxiety flights have on children. Since he sought more access the kids are upset and anxious. We had such a peaceful existence before he made all these demands in court.

Now I have to pay to have a psychologist assess the kids before trial. Shouldnt a parent take heed to what kids tell them? He knows the teacher and a counsellor are submitting affidavits for pur upcoming hearing before the final order.
Poor kids went from seeing dad 15 days a year to missing approx 20 days od school now because there is a flight almost every month!! Poor little guys!

I have chatted with school officials and counsellors around children often znd they cant believe dad would not fly up to see them and save their anxieties!

One trip for kids = 2 flights is $1500 approx
One trip for dad = 2 flights is $275 !!!

He pays 25% of all flights plus child support from a salary of $152,000!!!
He complains he pays too much! Lol. A motion is adjournef to have him pay section 7 finally - 60% of child care costsfor proportionate expenses.. Why not look at the obvious .,,,
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Old 08-06-2012, 11:02 PM
mykidsandi mykidsandi is offline
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Is it unreasonable to have kids miss 20 days of school, 16 flights unaccompanied a year ? Or 3 trips ( my mom can fly with them but cant make every flight for 16) down for kids, and 3 trips for dad to stay at hotel with kids? Not a big city in Ontario Canada so hotels are way cheaper still when considering $1500 for kids trips.

I even offered to with hold sec 7 expenses for the sake of my kids mental health! He wont budge! Sec 7 expenses are 900$ a month for his coverage in childcare plus retro of sec 7 from first court application which is $ 9600. I was willing waive that and he cries in mediation that he just got married when he filed the application against me, court costs and sec 7 and chld support is draining him financially.

What do you think?
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Old 08-07-2012, 01:53 AM
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arabian arabian is offline
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Do what is best for your children. Get another job. End the craziness and trauma your kids go through travelling unaccompanied on airplanes. NO job is worth that.
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Old 08-07-2012, 02:17 AM
mykidsandi mykidsandi is offline
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Hardly think I am going to quit being a cop with an income that has provided for my children and I while their dad was on long hiatus'. Who would tell a parent to quit bringing in an income for her children? My job demands that I get posted in various locations. He knew that before he got me pregnant! He lived 4 hrs away before and never bothered until I got posted elsewhere THEN he says he wants more access! If thats your solution to tell a single mom to quit her job that supports her kids, thats unfortunate.
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Old 08-07-2012, 07:55 AM
Mess Mess is offline
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Fine. Take him to court then, spend $40,000 on an acrimonious trial, fight to take away access from him, because, you know, there are only cops in that one city and where else would you work?
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Old 08-07-2012, 08:00 AM
tiredofthisnow tiredofthisnow is offline
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Default "Before he got me pregnant"

I do believe I have an issue with the way THAT is worded. Generally it takes two!
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Old 08-07-2012, 10:18 AM
FightingForFamily FightingForFamily is offline
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I think you've completely minimized your own role in the situation as other posters have stated. You both bear equal responsibility for bringing the kids into this world. You have moved (perhaps repeatedly) for your career at the expense of the children having easy access to the Father. The solution is not to minimize or eliminate his access to the kids, but to find a long term solution.
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Old 08-07-2012, 01:00 PM
Berner_Faith Berner_Faith is offline
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I agree with others...it seems you don't want Dad in the picture... I have no doubts your kids are having a hard time with the flying thing,but if you are being posted around the province, how is that stable for the children? Could it be your own feelings and your own anxieties are rubbing off on the children?

As others have pointed out, you were part of the pregnancy. If your work schedule did not permit for you to raise a family or you were not ready, you should have taken the responsibility to ensure you could not get pregnant.
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