Where to begin.....

[momma3]

Well all I am new here and have so many questions. My h left over a year ago and we were married for 11 years. I am living in the home now and thinking about selling. The thing is where do I live afterwards. I am a stay at home mom and have little savings for those rainy days or when I don't have enough for the bills. I need to get a lawyer and legal aid won't help and they told me to file the papers myself........HELLO...I'm no lawyer. I'm not even divorce yet and I'm stressed out already. Everyone needs like $1000 and over. I am stuck or should I say standing still. If I move I need to be working to be accepted in an apartment, but the good thing about that is I will have cash to put away. He left me for ow and is not with her now. He found another girlfriend and is moving in with her. My kids have never slept over there and I'm not comfortable with that either. My middle child cries when it's time to go with dad and they I say it's okay but what I want to do is tell her she is staying home with me but can I do that.

My kids have been living with me and I want to make things legal now that he is moving in with the ow but he says to wait and when he wants a divorce he will ask me....okay thanks buddy......

I just want this to be over...I've told him that there is no point in things remaining like this....you living with ow....and us still married on paper.He says that him and her are going to give it a shot and see how it is living together...then he shows up yesterday without notice to give me some money and starts to flirt with me...i don't understand him.

Does anyone know of someone who I can hire to get a seperation agreement?I don't have money to keep paying a lawyer with 3 children to take care of. Can I make him pay for it if I can't afford it? I don't even know what I want to ask there is so many things going through my mind.

[hubby]

Well all I am new here and have so many questions. My h left over a year ago and we were married for 11 years. I am living in the home now and thinking about selling. The thing is where do I live afterwards. I am a stay at home mom and have little savings for those rainy days or when I don't have enough for the bills. I need to get a lawyer and legal aid won't help and they told me to file the papers myself........HELLO...I'm no lawyer. I'm not even divorce yet and I'm stressed out already. Everyone needs like $1000 and over. I am stuck or should I say standing still. If I move I need to be working to be accepted in an apartment, but the good thing about that is I will have cash to put away. He left me for ow and is not with her now. He found another girlfriend and is moving in with her. My kids have never slept over there and I'm not comfortable with that either. My middle child cries when it's time to go with dad and they I say it's okay but what I want to do is tell her she is staying home with me but can I do that.

My kids have been living with me and I want to make things legal now that he is moving in with the ow but he says to wait and when he wants a divorce he will ask me....okay thanks buddy......

I just want this to be over...I've told him that there is no point in things remaining like this....you living with ow....and us still married on paper.He says that him and her are going to give it a shot and see how it is living together...then he shows up yesterday without notice to give me some money and starts to flirt with me...i don't understand him.

Does anyone know of someone who I can hire to get a seperation agreement?I don't have money to keep paying a lawyer with 3 children to take care of. Can I make him pay for it if I can't afford it? I don't even know what I want to ask there is so many things going through my mind.

Momma3,

That is a very tough situation to be in.

1. Read every post you can on these forums, there is a goldmine of information and one should 'educate' themselves as to their rights and obligations under family law.

2. If you feel that things have not progressed, start to consider taking some actions. With him leaving the house and you now having the kids, a defacto standard has been set ... he now has an obligation to provide finanacially for you and the kids. I believe, given your situation you WOULD be entitled to both Spousal and Child support and with three kids, lets just say that financially you will be well off in the future. However, to get there, you have to see a lawyer and take action to make it so. Yes it will cost you in terms of lawyer fees and such but at least it's better than standing still.

3. In regards to a seperation agreement, much has been talked about on these forums ... child custody, visitation, spousal support, child support are the major items to consider in a seperation agreement amongst other issues important to you. A lawyer can help guide you throught this, but educate yourself and put down what it is you want and then have a lawyer draft up a seperation agreement and have it served to you spouse.

4. Take care of yourself. It's going to be a bumpy ride and you have to focus on you and your kids.

5. Unload those thoughts that are going through your mind ... not only is it like medicine to release those thoughts, but in doing so, there be so many great people here to help you get through this ok?

Hubby