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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #1  
Old 09-29-2010, 04:51 PM
JayJay JayJay is offline
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Default Until first procedure is launched... what am I entitled to do?

Separated since May. We have two school-aged children.
Mr. lives with his girlfriend, 40 minutes (highway) from our neighbourhood.
He has not expressed the desire for child custody (short term, that is). Has been putting it off ("when things are better", "when I don't live as far").
Pays no child support.
Has taken massive amounts of money from the joint bank account. Says it's "(his) money too". (I earn 2X what he does but I pay the bills and the mortgage).
Has refused to negotiate arrangements with the Hydro bill (under his name), and electricity has been cutoff in September. I ended up paying the $1500 bill that he didn't want to pay before, when we still lived together.
He has been, in the last two weeks, sending emails (he changes his mind) with various demands (demands vary depending on which day we are).
When I asked for child support, he suddenly changed his mind and asked for shared custody + child support, stating that starting Oct. 1st, I was to accept shared custody and I was to pay him C.S. immediately so that he can at least buy furniture.

So... I went to see a lawyer and launched an emergency procedure (they would visit him 1 weekend every two weeks), stating among other things that it is not advisable to have the kids travel on the highway, in traffic, morning and night (estimated time of travel: 2 hours every day). My lawyer added that we have a son who is seen by a pedopsychiatrist for anxiety issues, and that the kids need stability at the moment.

The problem is that his intent is to go get the kids Friday after school (at the same time he asked me if they could walk to my house at night, because he's not sure he can make it in time to pick them up after school - that would mean leaving them alone in the house and I DO NOT want this). My lawyer strongly advised me to go to school and pick them up myself on Friday night. I will, but... if he's there... what do I do?... I don't want to get into a fight in public or in front of our kids... I would be fine with them spending the weekend with him (even though we have a family party on Saturday night), but not the whole week... To me, it's not clear WHO has the rights, once a procedure is launched (without him necessarily having received the paperwork). Thoughts???
  #2  
Old 09-29-2010, 06:40 PM
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Quote:
Has taken massive amounts of money from the joint bank account. Says it's "(his) money too". (I earn 2X what he does but I pay the bills and the mortgage).
Why didn't you freeze the joint account and open a new one when he left? Print off the statements showing the withdrawals and either remove his name from the account, OR open a new one. If you are depositing money into a JOINT account..then it's essentially carte blanche for him to screw with you.

Freeze ANY joint credits cards, lines of credit, etc. Get new stuff in JUST your name.

Quote:
Has refused to negotiate arrangements with the Hydro bill (under his name), and electricity has been cutoff in September. I ended up paying the $1500 bill that he didn't want to pay before, when we still lived together.
So you were separated in May, but the electricity wasn't cut off until Sept??? Why didn't you call the hydro company, explain you had separated and that you needed to open a new account in YOUR name. (HE moved out, here's his new address, etc)

Quote:
So... I went to see a lawyer and launched an emergency procedure (they would visit him 1 weekend every two weeks), stating among other things that it is not advisable to have the kids travel on the highway, in traffic, morning and night (estimated time of travel: 2 hours every day).
IF status quo is that the kids are with you through the school week (and how the HECK does he propose to do SHARED custody when he lives 40 mins. away...he'd have to transport them TO school and pick them up FROM school.) That kind of travel time is clearly not in the kids best interests and you can use that to your advantage.

He should be paying child support from Aug 1 on at full table amounts. Make sure your lawyer asks for that immediately and if he refuses to pay, ensure you ask for RETROACTIVE support amounts back to Aug 1.

Have you filed the forms with CRA to reflect the change in marital status? Who currently collects the CCTB/UCCB and GST payments from the kids?

You need an emergency motion soonest...at present, your ex can go to the kids school on Friday, pick them up....and simply not give them back.
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Old 09-29-2010, 06:57 PM
JayJay JayJay is offline
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The motion has been launched and contains what you're saying, I'm just wondering what do to meanwhile.

I may be naive, but at the time of the separation, I had no reason to suspect he'd take more than a thousand of dollars from our account. I was always honest with him, told him what the status of the account was, he acknowledged that, but I had no reason to think he'd do that. At the time, I still thought his kids' well-being was important. At the time, he still came back to the house (to shower, etc.). Eventually he took from the house what "belonged" to him (sarcasm) and that's when the crap hit the fan. Accounts were finally separated, but he stopped providing for our common expenses... so I got sc***d anyway in the end.

As for Hydro, they did not want to change the name of the account until he had completely paid the bill (same for Bell, as a matter of fact, but that was easier). They didn't even want to speak me when I called to negotiate. He refused to negotiate, refuses (still) to give me his new address, and I do not have the last name of his girlfriend. He said, plainly, that Hydro was my problem. I paid a certain amount every month, but I was asking that he negotiate something more formal... and he refused. At some point I was away in another city for work for a few days, he received a final notice... didn't tell me... and when the week after, the electricity was cut-off. As I said, it's the past. I'm just worried about Friday afternoon. I'm hoping the papers will get to his office before that time...
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Old 09-29-2010, 07:28 PM
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Quote:
refuses (still) to give me his new address, and I do not have the last name of his girlfriend
Ummm THAT's a possible issue. You have a LEGAL RIGHT to know where the kids will be at. Not necessarily the girlfriend's information, but if he refuses to provide an address....then I would be extremely leery of sending the kids with him until you have a court order.

He HAS to provide an address.
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Old 09-29-2010, 08:00 PM
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Yes, about the address, that's what I thought, too!!! Especially that he never answers his cell phone.
Tks for the advice.
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Old 09-29-2010, 09:10 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NBDad View Post
Ummm THAT's a possible issue. You have a LEGAL RIGHT to know where the kids will be at. Not necessarily the girlfriend's information, but if he refuses to provide an address....then I would be extremely leery of sending the kids with him until you have a court order.

He HAS to provide an address.
One way around the 'can't get an address' issue is to go to your local Land Titles office, if he owns real property. All you need to do a search is his full legal name (and ideally an address), and a credit card.

I used that avenue to locate my ex-wife so I can serve her with divorce papers. She has consistently refused to provide me with a mailing address, so...

It's all perfectly legal, too. Land registry records are public information.

Now, if he is renting a place, you may or may not be able to determine where he is living - the land registry system is rarely up to date where tenancy records are concerned, and that's usually because landlords are slow to report, if they report at all.
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Old 09-29-2010, 09:19 PM
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Are they not required to advise the MOT within 7 days of change of address with respect to their vehicle and license. Many also fwd their mail via post office for that database. The latter, being free and convenient inquiry.
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Old 09-29-2010, 10:08 PM
JayJay JayJay is offline
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ZipZap, he left me to live with his mistress. I don't know her name. The kids told me she lives in a house, but they don't know the address either.

The vehicle! Hadn't thought of that. But I doubt he notified our MOT. I still pay for his car (feel free to call me stupid) and insurance (I told him how much it was, but he replied that it was too expensive... he found less expensives quotes and will not pay for what I already paid - that's a new one from tonight - crazy, I know).
  #9  
Old 09-30-2010, 12:39 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JayJay View Post
ZipZap, he left me to live with his mistress. I don't know her name. The kids told me she lives in a house, but they don't know the address either.

The vehicle! Hadn't thought of that. But I doubt he notified our MOT. I still pay for his car (feel free to call me stupid) and insurance (I told him how much it was, but he replied that it was too expensive... he found less expensives quotes and will not pay for what I already paid - that's a new one from tonight - crazy, I know).
Okay, all the things you know are stupid but are still doing? STOP DOING THEM! His car is his own responsibility! Is it in your name? Is the insurance? Are there any consequences to YOU if you stop paying them, or only to him?

My advice would be to pay the outstanding stuff like Hydro, just so you get those worries about service being cut off behind you and everything in your name, but keep track of the amounts, and involve them in any equalization discussions. Close all joint accounts, cancel credit cards, etc, get your paycheck going into your own account and all that financial division stuff done ASAP. Any bills that arrive for him after that point, return them to sender and let THEM track him down. Balances at your date of separation is what you will use for money division, so anything of his you pay for after that or withdrawals he makes from joint accounts is just free money you are handing him.

You might have been naive and trusting at the start, but this is a man who had an affair, and is now being secretive and playing hardball. Don't continue to be a doormat.

I wish I had advice to offer about the situation with the children tomorrow, but that's out of my realm of experience.
  #10  
Old 09-30-2010, 06:09 PM
JayJay JayJay is offline
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I bought him a car 4 years ago. He had no credit history in Canada and worked maybe 3 years out of the 6 he lived here. He cosigned, only, and it's the only credit he has, the rest is in my name. I'm scre***d, I've known that for a while, I'm just worried about the kids at the moment. He's never been violent, but he's extremely controlling. His new action, dated today, is that I stop paying music lessons for both our kids (who are very talented and love music).
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