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| Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce. |
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#1
09-08-2021, 04:03 PM
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pre and after school care
I am not surprised but my ex informed me that they are seeking expenses from me for pre and afterschool child care. 50/50 custody and access.
I have problems with this. I am available and live beside the school; so it is not the co-operative thing to do. She also lives 5 minutes from the school. Her work will allow her to care for the child when she is working from home; she is working from home. During COVID her work has definitely accepted that parents have kids. They can make up worktime after work or simply work regular hours and they don't care. I found out that for the last 6 months she has had someone else take care of the child while she is at home on the job. She may have also signed her up for 7 day a week care; care I would never use. She just doesn't want to care for the child; that is a personal upset; I don't know if the helps in court. What are the legal obligations here? 
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#2
09-08-2021, 04:12 PM
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You are making an assumption she does not want to care for the children and that needs to stop immediately. You don’t know her reasons nor is it any of your business. Child care (especially before and after school care) is hard to find and can’t be a one off. If she needs child care to work it is a section 7 expense.
Not to mention what she does on her time is none of your business. The same as what you do on your time is none of hers.
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#3
09-08-2021, 06:53 PM
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Child care for employment purposes is an S7 expense. Presumably you will ask for receipts, and you will have to pay for your proportionate share. I would not waste time disputing this, you will lose.
Also, do not argue yet about paying for child care on days the kids are with you. Get the receipts first. Depending on what they say you can determine your next steps. Unethical option: Hire some "daycare" yourself and have her pay the proportionate share. Have some relaxing mornings while the help makes lunches for the kid.
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#4
09-08-2021, 10:30 PM
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I am in a similar situation - my ex has to be at work at 9am, so she wants to spend money on a before-school careperson. I work from home, and can easily walk the kids to school. Instead of dropping the kids off at the care person, she can drop them off at my place. It saves money and also gives me more parenting time.
My argument is that the before school care is no longer a necessary expense because I am offering to care for the children for free. Also, I feel that it would be in the children's best interest to be with me instead of a stranger. This hasn't gone to court yet, I let my ex know that she was welcome to spend her money how she wished, but that I didn't consider it a section 7 expense and would not be sharing the cost. Thoughts?
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#5
09-08-2021, 11:00 PM
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Quote:
I often use words like "probably" and "likely"... as in "you will probably lose". Note that I did not use any of those qualifiers.
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#6
09-08-2021, 11:24 PM
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Quote:
In a child support order the court may, on either spouse’s request, provide for an amount to cover all or any portion of the following expenses, which expenses may be estimated, taking into account the necessity of the expense in relation to the child’s best interests and the reasonableness of the expense in relation to the means of the spouses and those of the child and to the family’s spending pattern prior to the separation The before school care expense is neither necessary, nor is it in the children's best interest. Is there any case law or precendents that state that this situation is covered under S7?
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#7
09-08-2021, 11:51 PM
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Quote:
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#8
09-09-2021, 01:55 AM
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The reason is you are no longer a married couple who are living together and mutually looking after the best interests of the children and family unit. You are separated and headed for a divorce. As such you each now have individual, specific, mandated access time with your children. You and your ex’s access time does not overlap. You have your time, they have their time and it’s none of your business what the other does in their time. Therefor, if your ex requires daycare in order to work and does not want you to provide that care, that is their right. During their access time they have the legal right to make 100% of the decisions about what they are going to do during that time. Daycares require a commitment of specified number of days per week which will fall into your access time as well. Your ex will need to sign up and pay for those days regardless of whose access time they fall on. You have the option not to send your child to daycare on your scheduled access days but you do not have the option of looking after your child on your ex’s access days or not paying your share of the daycare fees. Even if only one parent requires daycare in order to work, that’s all the court needs to know to consider it a necessary s7 expense. If they agree to allowing you to care for the kids instead of daycare then that’s great. If they don’t agree then it’s not going to happen. They can choose whoever they want to look after the kids on their time, be it daycare, a grandparent, a new significant other or a rodeo clown. They get to choose during their parenting time, not you. The maximum contact principle does not include you having access to your children on your ex’s parenting time no matter how logical or cost effective you might think it is.
Last edited by Stillbreathing; 09-09-2021 at 02:01 AM.
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#9
09-09-2021, 07:13 AM
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The best you can do is have your kids 50% of the time. Do what you want and please on your time, and your ex can do what she pleases on her time.
I do not disagree with you, as I have experienced the same junk from my ex. My ex fought tooth and nail in attempts to prevent me from having any substantive time with our kids. Render me a daddy-uncle. She fought like you would not believe with extremely elaborate court materials. She ended up losing, as the maximum contact principle prevails. The norm is 50/50 where its feasible to do so (in terms of proximity of 2 households). However, I learn from my kids that my ex is hardly around and constantly has grandparents watch the kids. So why the heck did she fight so hard against 50/50??? Why? It is because she resents me so much and treats kids as her possessions, whereby she does not want the kids to have a relationship with their dad, to love their dad, and to crave time with dad. It makes her skin crawl when kids go back to her saying they love me and have fun being with me. Many parents are blinded by trying to "hurt" the other parent that they do not realize they are actually hurting the kids. Remember, you are divorcing your ex; your kids are not divorcing their parent. What you are referring to is Right of First Refusal. What this means is that IF Parent A cannot look after kids during their time, they would look to Parent B, where they recognize that its better for kids to spend time with the other parent that with strangers. ROFR only works when parents are extremely on same page and have absolutely zero resentments with one another, etc. That is pretty rare. If you went to court, right there you demonstrated you are not on same page with your ex. Her time, her business. Your time, your business.
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