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  • #16
    Ew ya I would say the 4 way between you guys and your partners is wildly inappropriate in the middle of litigation. Tell him to hit the road.

    The only time that would be appropriate would be once all matters are settled, everyone respects each other, and you know everyone is focused on the child’s best interests. Like you all decide to take child out for a birthday dinner together. But only if everyone gets along and genuinely wants to.

    My partner settled all matters with his ex 2 years ago and I would NEVER imagine asking for all of us to meet up to discuss things. Not my business. Although things are improving. She is now ok with me coming to pick up their daughter without him, and we actually had a short polite conversation at the last exchange.

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    • #17
      Originally posted by Selfrepmom View Post
      Ew ya I would say the 4 way between you guys and your partners is wildly inappropriate in the middle of litigation. Tell him to hit the road.



      The only time that would be appropriate would be once all matters are settled, everyone respects each other, and you know everyone is focused on the child’s best interests. Like you all decide to take child out for a birthday dinner together. But only if everyone gets along and genuinely wants to.



      My partner settled all matters with his ex 2 years ago and I would NEVER imagine asking for all of us to meet up to discuss things. Not my business. Although things are improving. She is now ok with me coming to pick up their daughter without him, and we actually had a short polite conversation at the last exchange.


      That’s Great! Baby steps is better than nothing. Oh the gf and I have had words. My kids watched her yell at me in a parking lot after she once again tried to get info out of me. I always try to be polite and Nader what questions I can. Even though I know I shouldn’t. Especially after she told OCL I had only looked at or spoken to her twice in in the last 2 years. Lol. Total lie. Pretty sad she focused on me in her interview and not my kids.

      I have emails and texts from her to refute her claims...

      I met with her once before. Without my ex. And all it did was make things worse I think.... she pretended like she understood and would try to help out. What she was really doing was enabling my ex more to have her take care of things for him. Learned my lesson you would think.


      Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

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      • #18
        Originally posted by Mom 2 Two View Post
        My lawyer told me off the record that his lawyer(very new just called to the bar last year) agrees with us. He said it’s the senior lawyer. He drags things out. Follows clients direction to a T even if it’s wrong, for billable hours. My lawyer is confused as my ex will have to use the senior lawyer for trial... which is way more per hour than mine or the junior lawyer that he is with now for the nitty gritty stuff. My lawyer said if we don’t settle at this court date we really should file for summary judgement on the child support, section 7 and arrears so I can at least have a final order on that stuff.


        Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
        Good for your lawyer. Don't drag things out. Money is separate from access issues. Get your arrears done.

        If that is who the senior lawyer is- ehhhh. Doesn't sound like a 4 way would be useful. I think you just have to sit tight.

        I'm so sorry- and ragey - for what this is costing you. If there is anything kind I'm going to say about my ex...I think something finally maybe clicked in his brain that he was wasting our daughters future fighting me for everything. Or he just ran out of money.

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        • #19
          While having a partner in the 4-way is of course wildly inappropriate, perhaps it might make it more likely that he actually comes to an agreement?


          Without the girlfriend there, he will probably insist on going home first to think about it, which is of course code for "ask the girlfriend". Is it really that terrible to cut out the middle step? Girlfriend is going to hear everything anyway, maybe if she is actually there she might be more willing to stop the nonsense train.


          Again, yes, dad should be thinking for himself. Not everyone does though.

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          • #20
            Originally posted by Janus View Post
            While having a partner in the 4-way is of course wildly inappropriate, perhaps it might make it more likely that he actually comes to an agreement?


            Without the girlfriend there, he will probably insist on going home first to think about it, which is of course code for "ask the girlfriend". Is it really that terrible to cut out the middle step? Girlfriend is going to hear everything anyway, maybe if she is actually there she might be more willing to stop the nonsense train.


            Again, yes, dad should be thinking for himself. Not everyone does though.
            while this may have some merit- it only really makes sense if the lawyers are there as well to keep the discussions on track...and if lawyers can't talk some sense into their clients - welllll, 4 ways are a waste of money, imo.

            Same thing with lawyers talking to each other ad nauseam when a resolution isn't in sight.

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            • #21
              I have a very strong feeling that even with his lawyer there he will still cede to his gf. She has taken full control of this situation. She reads all the emails, she sets the schedules, she attends the drop offs, she is at activities, etc. She even goes so far as to engage with mom instead of dad doing it. This goes way beyond interfering. This woman has insinuated herself into this situation as the responding party/defendant/whatever you want to call it.

              The OCL even recognized this and pointed it out in their report. Even though a judge and a social worker have said no they still don’t get it. Mom2two needs a therapist just to deal with this woman’s controlling behaviour.

              I don’t know if you will ever be able to get through to her that she needs to butt the fuck out.

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              • #22
                the gf is the puppet master.

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                • #23
                  Originally posted by Janus View Post
                  While having a partner in the 4-way is of course wildly inappropriate, perhaps it might make it more likely that he actually comes to an agreement?


                  Without the girlfriend there, he will probably insist on going home first to think about it, which is of course code for "ask the girlfriend". Is it really that terrible to cut out the middle step? Girlfriend is going to hear everything anyway, maybe if she is actually there she might be more willing to stop the nonsense train.


                  Again, yes, dad should be thinking for himself. Not everyone does though.


                  I have considered this thought many many times!! They just asked for an adjournment. Lol. 5th time. Because they know they don’t have a leg to stand on... we said no.


                  Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

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                  • #24
                    Originally posted by Mom 2 Two View Post
                    I have considered this thought many many times!! They just asked for an adjournment. Lol. 5th time. Because they know they don’t have a leg to stand on... we said no.


                    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
                    Good. Someone on here said- the minute you start being afraid of court- you're already losing.

                    My ex was extremely pissed that after he (finally) replied to my offer, that I wouldn't cancel or adjourn our settlement conference. He was doubly pissed- and let it be known in coparent counselling that he felt like I was deceiving him because I wanted him to work with our PC AND I wanted to go to court to settle things. I remember him saying accusingly in a session- "You're just using the court date to find out my position. And to force my hand into settling"...and I replied "Yes".

                    He called me railing at me because he thought we should adjourn our SC if we were meeting with our PC and our lawyers to work on a deal. I just played dumb and told him my lawyer said to keep the date and we could just present an offer.

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                    • #25
                      They’re also hoping you will get desperate enough to accept what they offer. Jokes on them, not only will they lose with that approach, they will also end up with costs!!

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