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  • It really doesn't ever end

    So my ex had me served on the holiday today.

    He wants sole custody of the 2 oldest (15 & 16) and the 2 youngest to stay with me (12 & 13).

    CS changes of course - he is asking to base his on an income of $13800/year

    I haven't really dived through all the papers yet as it's book thick - but should I have not been given blank forms?

    I won't stop the 2 oldest from moving in with him if anyone is going to bother suggesting that; I'm just feeling pretty... lost right now considering the long history of things.

    He has only bothered to see the 4 kids 2 times in the last 11 months. He has visitation every 2nd Sunday from 9am to 7pm, but has not been exercising that - he refused to accept anything more than that so that's what was put in the final custody order back in 2009.

    His soon to be wife was convicted of assault with a weapon back in June 2008 for her violent incident that involved our then 8 yr old son. The final custody order bars her from being alone with the kids until they are 18.

    I could use whatever advice anyone can offer on what I should do for the court day that is scheduled for May 31.

    Also, what happens at the MIP?? That was with the papers as well & is scheduled for May 5th - this was not something that we had back when we were dealing with the custody for the kids previously - anyone have experience with this?

  • #2
    The two oldest children are able to make their own decisions...what do THEY want?

    Re: the income...that's less than full time hours @ min wage...have him provide his last 3 years income tax returns and average it out to have an income imputed, he's playing games and that much should be obvious to the court.

    What is his income last year? Has he provided a notice of assessment to back his claim of 13K? What has he made historically?

    If the older two DO wish to live with him, what's his plan to abide by the current order to keep his documented danger to the children soon to be wife out of things?

    Usually you have to file an answer within X days of receipt of his documents. Forms are usually available either online or via a quick visit to the courthouse.

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by NBDad
      The two oldest children are able to make their own decisions...what do THEY want?
      They have stated that they would like to live there as he doesn't limit their internet time (it kicks off at 11pm here during school days) and so on & so forth (reasoning is basically the lack of rules that they have experienced there when visiting).

      Originally posted by NBDad
      Re: the income...that's less than full time hours @ min wage...have him provide his last 3 years income tax returns and average it out to have an income imputed, he's playing games and that much should be obvious to the court.

      What is his income last year? Has he provided a notice of assessment to back his claim of 13K? What has he made historically?
      He did not provide his 2010

      • 2007 - 40,697
      • 2008 - 50,734
      • 2009 - 24,318 - remained unemployed for the entire year


      Originally posted by NBDad
      If the older two DO wish to live with him, what's his plan to abide by the current order to keep his documented danger to the children soon to be wife out of things?
      He hasn't provided any of that - in fact, he listed a small story about the incident where he basically stated it was the child's fault for provoking his wife (had an accident in his pants) and that she only spanked him a little on the bum, he also stated it was 'assault' rather than the true conviction of 'assault with a weapon' (she used the hard plastic tubing from a vacuum cleaner - right side, across his entire lower back, across his buttocks).

      Originally posted by NBDad
      Usually you have to file an answer within X days of receipt of his documents. Forms are usually available either online or via a quick visit to the courthouse.
      It says I have 30 days from the date of service. Since I was served on Good Friday, plus the weekend and Easter Monday - the service date is April 26th based on the information provided in the family law rules.


      My ex has no accommodations for the teenagers, he, his wife & their 2 girls (3 & 5 yrs old) rent a 2 bedroom home. They are in 1 room & the girls are in the other. There is no place in the house to create other bedrooms including the basement. The teenagers are 16 (boy - 17 in June) and 15 (girl - 16 in June). Would a judge award custody and remove them from a home where they have proper bedrooms to a home where they would not have one? I don't know how that would work at all.

      Comment


      • #4
        Also to add (as I am working on my forms) - I am listed as the Applicant in all his forms and he is listed as the Respondent. Since he is the one bringing the motion, is he not the Applicant??

        Comment


        • #5
          If you were originally the applicant you remain the applicant for future motions, if the motion is to change an existing order.

          Comment


          • #6
            Hey Kimberly,

            The MIB is basically "Court 101". It's an informational session that is now a requirement. They go through some power point slides and discuss court options and how to act in court. The people that are presenting are from the Family Law Information Centre so they will answer some questions if they are able. Best of luck with everything!

            Comment


            • #7
              Thank you for the responses thus far, it's appreciated. As to other curious questions - the one that I am most curious about is this:

              My ex has no accommodations for the teenagers, he, his wife & their 2 girls (3 & 5 yrs old) rent a 2 bedroom home. They are in 1 room & the girls are in the other. There is no place in the house to create other bedrooms including the basement. The teenagers are 16 (boy - 17 in June) and 15 (girl - 16 in June). Would a judge award custody and remove them from a home where they have proper bedrooms to a home where they would not have one? I don't know how that would work at all.

              Can anyone shed some light on that one?

              Thank you all!

              Comment


              • #8
                Personally I can't see that happening,would be like saying "hey kids why don't you sleep on this park bench here?" seems stupid to me.

                But if they choose to move in, when they come back to you complaining that it sucks you may have to practice tough love and not let them come back to living with you for awhile so that they don't get set in a pattern of running when they don't like the rules. They may be teens but they do still need to respect you and your home, so let them make the choice but then learn the hard way all choices have repercussions.

                Comment


                • #9
                  After doing a lot of thinking and many tears I have decided that I have spent years teaching my children that their feelings, thoughts, input etc has value, and by ignoring that, it goes against everything I have taught them.

                  It seems that when the ex saw the kids for the only visitation he has exercised in 11 months, he discussed renovating the basement in the house he rents to create 2 more bedrooms with the teenagers; this covers the accommodation issues. While he has not been involved with the children very much at all over the years, they have a right to be able to spend the time with their father as they wish considering their age.

                  That being said, the new pickle is visitation.

                  There are 4 kids - the two that would remain with me are 13 & 12. They do not want any increased visitation with their father, and they do not want any overnights. They do not like spending time with him, and they completely despise his soon to be wife.
                  The original order is 2nd Sundays from 9am to 7pm - they do not wish to have more, and they barely ever see their older siblings even living in the same house so they aren't even concerned about visits with them (ugh).

                  Yes, I have talked to the children to ask them how they feel about things, and what would they like, or what they think would be a good idea etc because they have a say in their lives as well.

                  Considering all this - just how do I work out visitation??

                  The ex lives 90 minutes away (he moved that distance - I moved 30 minutes CLOSER)
                  The bedrooms that the teens have now will be given to the two youngest as they share a "bedroom" in the basement (we converted it somewhat) and the basement will become more storage functional (perhaps a laundry room expansion is in the near future).

                  So, if there is 'overnights' they will get to camp out in the livingroom which is really no different than what a lot of parents do I'm sure.

                  Also, even if he becomes primary, would it be "joint" custody? I want to be able to be involved with important decisions as I have always made them before and do not want to be left in the dark, plus I want to be able to have access & receive copies of report cards etc to know how they are doing in school.

                  I guess I'm looking for a perspective from all sides since this will be a split custody arrangement.

                  Thanks!

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    It is very hard to let go and respect your teens wishes to live with their father. I know exactly how you feel.
                    Unfortunately the kids have to learn for themselves what it's like to live with dad and it might work out for the better, it might not.

                    In my situation we were given joint custody of both children. He has primary care of the 15yr old, I have primary of the 10yr old. There is no reason for him to have sole custody.

                    You stated:
                    "So, if there is 'overnights' they will get to camp out in the livingroom which is really no different than what a lot of parents do I'm sure."
                    Why wouldn't there be overnights? Do they not want to come and spend EOW with you?
                    Personally I would want them to have a space they can call their own at my home, even if that means that they now share the room in the basement that your younger children were using. What if they spend a month at dads and things don't go well and they want to come home?

                    Make sure you make the effort to stay informed as well, my ex tried to keep things from me when my son went to live with him such as the new doctor info etc. I had to get my lawyer to force him to give me this info. Contact their new school and have them mail you their report cards as well.

                    I wish you the best of luck!

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                    • #11
                      As I said, I want to respect their wishes, but they are also at the age where they are interested in part-time employment which could reduce the time they may want to spend during visits because they want to work.

                      I don't want to make them feel like they are being forced into things.

                      I have worried about them deciding that it's not what they thought it would be, and would want to come back, but since they are teens & know everything (insert eyeroll here), they are certain that will not be an issue.

                      My ex is asking for sole custody of the 2 kids with all decisions made by him alone - the kids have been with me since 2005 (defacto custody for a period of time) but the majority it has been sole custody. I'm just not sure what to "call" the arrangement for court... is it Split, is it Joint? It's so confusing.

                      Comment

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