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  • Its over...we hope

    My husband had his sc and they reached an agreement. She was difficult right to the end and even her lawyer didn’t want to be around her. He can live with the decision. He paid a lump sum for school so she can’t come back for ANY other expenses. Plus it was agreed he will not change cs so he doesn’t even have to worry about advising of income changes. Save the “can’t negotiate cs away” because it’s section 3 support for an adult child living away from home.

    The good news is that he had all this money put away so he won’t have a financial hit and that we are finally done with this shit. The bad news is that he still has no relationship with his kids. They are still being ugly about it. I hope that since the battle is over there won’t be ongoing garbage said about him. Her sc brief was ridiculous. I wouldn’t let him read it it was that bad. We are also trying to remind ourselves no more worrying about emails, preparing for court or having to endure facing her. He can work on his mental health and focus on his interests. He told me he was going to join a local organization I had been bugging him to look into. I wish he would join big brothers but that might be a stretch. He said no to a puppy (sniff) as we work all day.

    The best part was that my family really wrapped their arms around him before the sc and he told me after that he had never felt so loved and supported by a family (other than his) in his life. We know what this is like from our parents and we know he is a good dad. It was a no brainer to support him.

    Let’s hope we don’t have to worry about this again. I don’t expect her to give up on her campaign against him but at least if she realizes she needs him to pay for something his answer will be a big fat no!

  • #2
    I'm glad that's finally over for you. Sounds like you can move on knowing that he's paid his share and she can't take him back to court for more.


    How did you calculate the lump-sum? Did he have to compromise on some of the questionable expenses? Was the final number based on an average of the estimate coming years for the one not yet finished school?


    I'm really struggling with collecting post-secondary expenses for youngest DS. The eldest went the college route which was considerably less expensive and the youngest is doing university while commuting from home. Ex questions everything - he doesn't need a laptop he can use paper and pencil, I'm not paying for paper and pencils because there's no proof it's for him...the battles over every little thing are crazy. I think I'd rather negotiate a lump-sum from both parents for the four years and let DS budget accordingly.

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    • #3
      Originally posted by momof2teenboys View Post
      How did you calculate the lump-sum?
      He took the number he paid for kid 1 for one year and multiplied by the years of school. I calculated he saved $8000 based on the expenses she estimated and I found on the school website.

      Did he have to compromise on some of the questionable expenses?
      Yes, she wanted one expenses paid fully despite not telling him about it. Then she came back and wanted the expenses rounded up to the next $1000. He was really angry he agreed to it but I reminded him it was the cost of his lawyer to negotiate it and wait for the judge.

      Was the final number based on an average of the estimate coming years for the one not yet finished school?
      He is only paying his shared of school expenses. She cannot come to him for anything else. Medical, education, extra curricular—nothing. If her expenses go up or her benefits don’t cover it, it’s on her. She lost that one when she demanded the rounding up.


      I'm really struggling with collecting post-secondary expenses for youngest DS. The eldest went the college route which was considerably less expensive and the youngest is doing university while commuting from home. Ex questions everything - he doesn't need a laptop he can use paper and pencil, I'm not paying for paper and pencils because there's no proof it's for him...the battles over every little thing are crazy. I think I'd rather negotiate a lump-sum from both parents for the four years and let DS budget accordingly.

      If its an eligible expense he can’t argue it. In my husbands case, his ex threw everything into the expenses. Including a $40 night out for sushi. We weeded through everything. Just calculate it and submit to FRO if you are in Ontario. Then he can fight not to pay it. They will garnish him even after the kids are done!! My dads cpp was being garnished up until a few years ago because he took off and hid until we were all done. Joke was on him 30 years later!

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      • #4
        That sounds like a good compromise and good for your husband to no longer have to deal with that worry.
        Unfortunately for me, FRO can't garnish paycheques as payor is self-employed. He does get occasional warning letters and will make small payments to get them off his back. I don't think I'll see full payments from him for years - I'll be enjoying retirement with back child support finally showing up!
        Last edited by momof2teenboys; 01-29-2020, 06:03 PM.

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        • #5
          I'm happy for you. But also I feel his pain on just having to eat it when it comes to the financials. The relief of being done with the litigation DOES outweigh having to just accept your ex is money-grubbing asshole...so there's that happiness. But I still get a bit sick to my stomach when I think of the money issues with my ex. I think I always will. I just focus on what lessons I had to learn.

          Glad you guys have good families. Time to take a vacation!

          You don't want a dog anyways- they're like toddlers that never grow up. Cute. But so much fucking work. [I say this as a non dog owner. so feel free to ignore me].

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by iona6656 View Post
            Glad you guys have good families. Time to take a vacation!

            We had a shitty one before the holidays so we are pausing on vacations for a while and doing some much needed work to finish projects around the house.

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            • #7
              Good job rockscan, must be a relief for him.

              The girls will come around, in due time. A little bit of maturity changes perceptions.
              Start a discussion, not a fire. Post with kindness.

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              • #8
                Originally posted by mcdreamy View Post
                Good job rockscan, must be a relief for him.

                The girls will come around, in due time. A little bit of maturity changes perceptions.


                He’s still saying he shouldn’t have agreed to this or that. I’m hoping once he gets the cheque to the lawyer he will let it go.

                I also hope you are right about the kids. I keep reminding him that their emotional maturity stunted when the split happened and eventually they will let shit go. It happened for me and my siblings and it happened to others. He just has to be patient.

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                • #9
                  FAAAntastic news!

                  Very smart to have put money aside through the years.

                  Your man is lucky to have you in his life. Now you guys can focus on planning a nice life. Kids (young adults) will come around. I'm sure the mother will be bitching and gurning for a few years to come. That's ok. Your man needs time to heal and put this behind him. When he is eventually reunited with daughters they can hopefully enjoy themselves.

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                  • #10
                    A bittersweet saga that must be a huge relief.
                    I really hope it is as final as you say.
                    Family Law is the never ending story it seems.
                    Blessings

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Abba435 View Post
                      A bittersweet saga that must be a huge relief.
                      I really hope it is as final as you say.
                      Family Law is the never ending story it seems.
                      Blessings

                      The day after we went through all the old files and pulled items for purging her lawyer sent a nasty letter accusing him of not following the new order. He was pretty angry for a few hours. We hope its done. It has been nice reconnecting to who we were years ago before all this stupidity started!

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by rockscan View Post
                        The day after we went through all the old files and pulled items for purging her lawyer sent a nasty letter accusing him of not following the new order. He was pretty angry for a few hours. We hope its done. It has been nice reconnecting to who we were years ago before all this stupidity started!
                        I have been through a lot the last 10 years with a very sick child, another very sick step child, elderly parents, and now I have a serious heart condition that I am sure was caused to some degree by all this stress.
                        I hope some miracle happens and this all passes by.
                        I once read a quote of Captain Paul Watson that I embraced:
                        It's always something.
                        And when it's not something, it's something else.
                        But it's ALWAYS something.
                        ESPECIALLY in family law.
                        Namaste and thanks for the comments.

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                        • #13
                          Its over...we hope

                          Today my husband found out his ex had a big party to celebrate the end of the case and has been telling everyone she won and was vindicated. His “spy” called her out on it and was brow beaten for daring to speak the actual truth.

                          I reminded my husband that this is over and if she wants to continue to lie to people it’s on her. That we will get on with our life and be happy.

                          Still can’t believe this woman though. Considering that she initially claimed he owed her more than $50,000 plus another $30,000 in ongoing child support and she walked away with exactly what the court said he would have to pay ($20,000 lump sum to be done with it all) she really didn’t win. Including her loss where she had to four grand for his legal costs and got seriously bitch slapped by a judge. I shake my head. It is really sad his kids believe this garbage. What a toxic waste of a human.

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                          • #14
                            Originally posted by rockscan View Post
                            Today my husband found out his ex had a big party to celebrate the end of the case and has been telling everyone she won and was vindicated.
                            The fact that she threw a "party" perfectly describes the type of person she is. Threw tons of money in the toilet in legal fees of her own. Threw tons of money in the toilet for your partner's legal fees. And then throws a party to celebrate?? Very petty and summarizes the type of person she is. Very sad in fact. Sorry you have to deal with such nonsense in your life. Hopefully you and partner can move on together, and with your time with the kids.

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                            • #15
                              Originally posted by rockscan View Post
                              Today my husband found out his ex had a big party to celebrate the end of the case and has been telling everyone she won and was vindicated. His “spy” called her out on it and was brow beaten for daring to speak the actual truth.

                              I reminded my husband that this is over and if she wants to continue to lie to people it’s on her. That we will get on with our life and be happy.

                              Still can’t believe this woman though. Considering that she initially claimed he owed her more than $50,000 plus another $30,000 in ongoing child support and she walked away with exactly what the court said he would have to pay ($20,000 lump sum to be done with it all) she really didn’t win. Including her loss where she had to four grand for his legal costs and got seriously bitch slapped by a judge. I shake my head. It is really sad his kids believe this garbage. What a toxic waste of a human.
                              It sounds like he traded up big time so that may be the real celebration.
                              The children will see the light one day.
                              There are no winners in family law. It is toxic, joy sucking and unhealthy.
                              Celebrate that it is now in the rear view mirror.
                              Blessings

                              Comment

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