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  • #46
    Originally posted by Serene View Post
    Sad - I'm not the poster. But a psych eval is very different from counseling by a psych. That's not what I was suggesting by any means. Its also very different than a custody and access assessment too. Also not what I was implying.
    Hi Serene

    I think I understood that from your posts. I was trying to go solely on what LF has posted. I wondered if he doesn't have any concerns, how the eval would help the daughter.

    If it only helps the court process and not the daughter specifically, I wouldn't do it. That's all I was trying to say.

    Comment


    • #47
      D3 having "issues" only at mom's is mom's card in court. I don't live with mom so I don't see D3's behaviors there. However, I'll continue to be the one trying to resolve issues and see if there are indeed issues at mom's through a psych eval. Ex seems to be very good at narrating issue after issue but does nothing about it.

      Comment


      • #48
        It's like Mr. T and I keep saying, she's burying herself every time she does this stuff.

        You'll win in the end, but in the meantime, she's at risk of psychologically harming your child.

        You're in a tough position. A psych evaluation would seem to be a good decision, but you also run the risk of getting someone who is just like the OCL.

        Remember how that turned out?

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        • #49
          A psych eval would cost at least 3K. And I doubt anyone would do one because you are in court already. And because the issues you have presented here don't necessitate an evaluation (for instance no psychotic episodes, no hallucinations, etc.).

          Comment


          • #50
            I feel like this thread has come full circle.

            Sad's point above is valid: what is your issue? What are your concerns? What intervention is required for your daughter? ...you don't typically give a child a psych evaluation because their mom is manipulative and saying inappropriate things... if u go that route you're likely to raise a few eyebrows for doing so.

            Comment


            • #51
              Originally posted by Serene View Post
              What are your concerns?
              D3 unable to sleep alone when at mom's.
              D3 attachment issues when at moms
              D3 being taught daddy is Monster when at mom's
              D3 has anxiety over transitions while at mom's
              etc (it goes on and on)

              Originally posted by Serene View Post
              what is your issue?.
              How to communicate with ex to find a viable/effective solution to all the issues. What my next step should be in your opinion(s).

              If D3 is actually having these issues, I care about her enough to intervene and help in any way possible. It's not like S&T assumes .. just a card for court. It's our daughter. I want to be sure everything's okay with her mental/emotional health while at mom's.

              Just seeking advice on my next step to achieve this.
              Last edited by LovingFather32; 01-02-2015, 09:24 PM.

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              • #52
                My advice: consult a child psychologist for assistance in navigating the divorce. Hopefully they will work with all of you. For child as neutral 3rd party and voice to parents. For you and mom in conveying child's needs and how to manage the current situation and issues.

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                • #53
                  Originally posted by LovingFather32 View Post
                  D3 unable to sleep alone when at mom's.
                  D3 attachment issues when at moms
                  D3 being taught daddy is Monster when at mom's
                  D3 has anxiety over transitions while at mom's
                  etc (it goes on and on)


                  How to communicate with ex to find a viable/effective solution to all the issues. What my next step should be in your opinion(s).

                  If D3 is actually having these issues, I care about her enough to intervene and help in any way possible. It's not like S&T assumes .. just a card for court. It's our daughter. I want to be sure everything's okay with her mental/emotional health while at mom's.

                  Just seeking advice on my next step to achieve this.
                  This is nukking futs - how would it be possible for a 3 year old to have emotional/mental health problems while at mom's and when she is with LF32 she is happy and doing ok?

                  Think about this, a child is either doing well or not. If she were in need of an evaluation, she would be acting out at both homes. Her behavior would not switch from one home to the other..... a three year old does not have the ability to pretend that she is happy and healthy if she's not.

                  Sometimes you just have to relax and let things work themselves out. D3 is adjusting to this new life, of course she is anxious - give her time, watch her behavior and if need be - then you consult. For now wait and see.
                  If you make this a bigger problem than it is, it will backfire on you.

                  Comment


                  • #54
                    [QUOTE1) Serene and Arabian, you guys should just ignore each other. Oil and water.][/QUOTE]

                    It seems as though Arabian is the "oil" in the water in this comparison as this seems to be a common cat fight with Arabian. Arabian, why not just call Serene out through PM rather then give an obvious and dubious objective post in a thread that Serene has posted in?

                    Ugh Woman.

                    Comment


                    • #55
                      Originally posted by OntarioDaddyMan View Post
                      [QUOTE1) Serene and Arabian, you guys should just ignore each other. Oil and water.]
                      It seems as though Arabian is the "oil" in the water in this comparison as this seems to be a common cat fight with Arabian. Arabian, why not just call Serene out through PM rather then give an obvious and dubious objective post in a thread that Serene has posted in?

                      Ugh Woman.[/QUOTE]


                      Perhaps you should follow you own advice and PM me? Ugh Man

                      Comment


                      • #56
                        Originally posted by arabian View Post
                        It seems as though Arabian is the "oil" in the water in this comparison as this seems to be a common cat fight with Arabian. Arabian, why not just call Serene out through PM rather then give an obvious and dubious objective post in a thread that Serene has posted in?

                        Ugh Woman.

                        Perhaps you should follow you own advice and PM me? Ugh Man[/QUOTE]

                        lol typical.

                        Comment


                        • #57
                          Originally posted by OntarioDaddyMan View Post
                          Perhaps you should follow you own advice and PM me? Ugh Man
                          lol typical.[/QUOTE]

                          What does any of this have to do with LF32's problems?

                          Human beings Ughhhh!!!!

                          Comment


                          • #58
                            LF32 your concern is understandable.

                            I'd be very wary of your ex. Has she put any of her concerns into writing to you or are these merely comments made at pick-ups?

                            I note on many threads people say that you can only control what happens in your home. If the behaviour escalates and you see noticeable behavioural changes (bed wetting, night terrors) then I would think it would be serious enough to get a referral to a child psychologist.

                            The fact that you are in the midst of a bitter child custody battle is your reality. No matter what you do, or do not do, you will be judged by someone at some time. All you can do is what you think is in the best interest of your daughter.

                            I would not be sending her any emails (food for her). I don't thing cooperative parenting means you are still tied at the hip with your ex. As others have so aptly pointed out, you have the right to do your own parenting thing with your daughter in your own home. Your ex can do the same. If you want to take her to a shrink then it will be on your time. Do you really think your ex would agree to attend? Not on your life. To get her to attend anything like this would likely require a court order IMO.

                            Comment


                            • #59
                              Originally posted by LovingFather32 View Post
                              D3 unable to sleep alone when at mom's.
                              D3 attachment issues when at moms
                              D3 being taught daddy is Monster when at mom's
                              D3 has anxiety over transitions while at mom's
                              etc (it goes on and on)
                              You're getting this information half from your ex (who LIES) and half from your child (who is THREE (four?)). I would just be consistent with your child whenever she brings anything up about her mother's instructions. If the child brings up the monster thing, reassure her that obviously you are not a monster. If she brings up that she's not allowed to go sledding or do whatever, you reassure her that you are her parent and you have rules too about what she is allowed or not allowed to do at your house, that may be different from her mom's, and that you will keep her safe. Etc.

                              If you get comments in the communication book from the mother, just be supportive. You get a comment about the child having nightmares? Tell the ex that there have been no issues at your house, but ask what is her plan for dealing with them, so you can be supportive. "Transition troubles? I haven't had any issues here, but what do you think I can do here that might help at your end?" Etc.

                              Originally posted by LovingFather32 View Post
                              How to communicate with ex to find a viable/effective solution to all the issues. What my next step should be in your opinion(s).

                              If D3 is actually having these issues, I care about her enough to intervene and help in any way possible. It's not like S&T assumes .. just a card for court. It's our daughter. I want to be sure everything's okay with her mental/emotional health while at mom's.

                              Just seeking advice on my next step to achieve this.
                              One-sided issues that crop up only at mom's house are pretty much caused by mom, and up to her to resolve. Thank her for informing you about the issues, and ask that she continue to keep you in the loop as she resolves them.

                              All you can do with your daughter is assure her that you and her mother both love her, and you are two different people who express it differently. You might wash hair differently, but it still gets clean. You have different TV shows you like or dislike. You have different sleds and different hills.

                              You can't fix what goes on at her mother's house. Trying will only make you look controlling. Her mother trying to govern what goes on at your house already makes her look controlling.

                              At most, I'd address the issue of the mother trying to make the child feel guilty for doing things at your house, such as getting her hair washed. Address that in the communication book as neutrally as possible. "Today, when I washed her hair she told me you said it wasn't allowed. Was there a reason for that? She got spaghetti sauce in it so it was necessary but she was upset because she felt she was disobeying you."

                              Comment


                              • #60
                                Originally posted by Janibel View Post
                                This is nukking futs - how would it be possible for a 3 year old to have emotional/mental health problems while at mom's and when she is with LF32 she is happy and doing ok?

                                Think about this, a child is either doing well or not. If she were in need of an evaluation, she would be acting out at both homes. Her behavior would not switch from one home to the other..... a three year old does not have the ability to pretend that she is happy and healthy if she's not.

                                Sometimes you just have to relax and let things work themselves out. D3 is adjusting to this new life, of course she is anxious - give her time, watch her behavior and if need be - then you consult. For now wait and see.
                                If you make this a bigger problem than it is, it will backfire on you.
                                As always, wish there a like button. Great post.

                                Comment

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