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  • Reporting of child movement during during sole custody

    Hello all, I have a quick question:
    1. in sole custody cases can the parent with access only legally expect me to provide movement details within province of ON, outside of it and out of country?
    2. After months of drag, I have received an offer to settle with an ability to get the sole custody (2 days before the scheduled court hearing). But if there are lines that are not fair to the child, can I refuse it, if the other, especially, refuses to agree to the supervised visitation?

  • #2
    They can ask for whatever they want, you don't have to agree to it. You can send a counter offer agreeing to certain parts, and adjust/compromise or not include the rest.

    If you don't come to an agreement, you proceed to trial.

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by blinkandimgone View Post
      They can ask for whatever they want, you don't have to agree to it. You can send a counter offer agreeing to certain parts, and adjust/compromise or not include the rest.

      If you don't come to an agreement, you proceed to trial.
      Thanks so much. Much appreciated. Based on an offer, the other parents gives me sole custody (7 months has not seen the child or had any communication with child) but wants me to report all the movement, vacations within the province of ON.

      Also, he said that he wants to see the child every other weekend on Sat and Sun from 12 to 6 PM, but the time is optional for him. He may or may not show up. That does not make sense, no?

      Will I look bad in front of judge if I don't agree to most of stuff offered?

      The only reason he wanted to settle is to avoid to cover my legal expenses, because the similar offer was made by me last year but was ignored and refused. Few other stuff could have been negotiated but the person refused along with his lawyer.

      Comment


      • #4
        The time he's asking for is unreasonable, in my opinion. I would counter with every second Saturday or Sunday from 10 to 5 or something less disruptive to the child, but if he's saying he wants it to be optional that is not a good sign. You could ask your lawyer if it makes sense to add in something around if he doesn't excercise at least 80% of the time in 6 months it will be revoked. That makes it less optional and doesn't leave your child in limbo indefinitely.

        As for the travel, I would counter with you would keep him informed of any travel plans outside of the province or country, as an FYI only, in case of emergency, but not requiring his consent. Have it written into your agreement and have a copy with you for travel purposes to show you do not require the other parent's consent. And you would provide only the dates and location, no other details required

        I don't believe you would appear unreasonable, given what you've described.

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by blinkandimgone View Post
          The time he's asking for is unreasonable, in my opinion. I would counter with every second Saturday or Sunday from 10 to 5 or something less disruptive to the child, but if he's saying he wants it to be optional that is not a good sign. You could ask your lawyer if it makes sense to add in something around if he doesn't excercise at least 80% of the time in 6 months it will be revoked. That makes it less optional and doesn't leave your child in limbo indefinitely.

          As for the travel, I would counter with you would keep him informed of any travel plans outside of the province or country, as an FYI only, in case of emergency, but not requiring his consent. Have it written into your agreement and have a copy with you for travel purposes to show you do not require the other parent's consent. And you would provide only the dates and location, no other details required

          I don't believe you would appear unreasonable, given what you've described.
          I agree that I will have to inform about the travel outside of province or country but I am against reporting every movement within the province .

          So yes, I agree with you on that, because it's reasonable. But he says I don't need his permission to travel with child. Well, I wouldn't go for less anyway.

          That optional means he does not have to show up. But you are right, Saturday or Sunday but not both days.

          He says, he wants both of us to avoid any false accusations, which I never had any. His problem is, he does not want to feed the child and says she was full, when I told him he must feed her, because it was her dinner time, when he requested the last minute visitation. I did not like that part, so which means, if he won't take care of the child( feeding, diaper cha ge and she is hirt or angry or something disturbing), he will automatically call it as a false accusation.

          So he wants to make hard for me to inquire or even call him out for anything that was done wrong to the child. I am not agreeing to that too.

          Comment


          • #6
            What do you gain from reprimanding him for not feeding the child? He already spends little time with them, why complicate it. Send kid with him fed and with a few snacks and be done with it. Sure it’s frustrating but it doesnt sound like it would be that often. And put in a clause that he must advise you within 48 hours if he will exercise his time. That way you can plan accordingly. And yes, send him an email when you’re traveling. Technically its for emergencies.

            Remember he is this childs father and you chose to have that child with him. Your child should have some time with their father even if it’s only a few hours a week. He may actually realize how important that is or he may disappear, either way you have provided him with that option and can’t be blamed.

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by rockscan View Post
              What do you gain from reprimanding him for not feeding the child? He already spends little time with them, why complicate it. Send kid with him fed and with a few snacks and be done with it. Sure it�s frustrating but it doesnt sound like it would be that often. And put in a clause that he must advise you within 48 hours if he will exercise his time. That way you can plan accordingly. And yes, send him an email when you�re traveling. Technically its for emergencies.

              Remember he is this childs father and you chose to have that child with him. Your child should have some time with their father even if it�s only a few hours a week. He may actually realize how important that is or he may disappear, either way you have provided him with that option and can�t be blamed.
              Oh, no. I am not trying to create any troubles to him. He has not seen the child for over 7 months and the child does not know him. Last time when he had the visitation time with his child, he said, do not ask me to feed the child as it's not my responsibility. Since then, he disappeared and carried on with his life. In fact, in his proposal, which what I was already asking for the sole custody, he finally agreed to it. But for the visitation time, he stated every other weekend, Sat and Sunday, from 12 to 6 PM. However, those days are optional for him, which means, he may not even exercise his parenting time, which is what worries me. Good or bad, the child need to know the other parent. But that means I Cando much on those weekends and wait whether he will show up or not, which, sadly, he won't.

              Comment


              • #8
                Reporting all your movement sounds stalker like.
                For going out of province that sounds reasonable.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by pinkHouses View Post
                  Reporting all your movement sounds stalker like.
                  For going out of province that sounds reasonable.
                  Oh, I did not think that way.

                  I have one last question: can I put in an offer to settle the following point:: Due to the constant habits if a father watching YouTube videos while driving, I would like that habit not be exercised while the child in a car?

                  He has done that many times and I couldn't explain him not to do it as he believes- it's his car and he can do whatever he wishes. I just don't want the child's life to be in danger.

                  Will the judge consider me as a crazy overprotective mother or he will understand that I have strong reasons to ask for that?

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    If he hasn’t been charged it’s your word against his. If you are that concerned, pick up and drop off yourself.

                    Or alternatively if he is that terrible a father, ask for supervised access.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by rockscan View Post
                      If he hasn�t been charged it�s your word against his. If you are that concerned, pick up and drop off yourself.

                      Or alternatively if he is that terrible a father, ask for supervised access.
                      I don't want to say much whether he is a terrible father or not. He knows better. But watching the YouTube videos were witnessed by me. Yes, it might be my word against his but that won't change the fact, he did that (at least during the marriage)

                      But I know what you mean. But if he wasn't charged is because he is lucky not to be caught due to the dark windows in his car. But that does not mean it's not true. But how could I report my own husband?

                      Anyway, I am asking for the supervised visitations which I know he will never agree to. But he has not shown up for over 7 months, so not sure what really he has in his mind in terms of being a father and good parent for his child.
                      But my focus is child any way and he is given and will be given plenty of opportunities to be with his child through access. That won't be taken away. I just wish he would start exercising them at some point. It is sad, to be honest, for a child not to be around both parents. But it's what it is.

                      And thank you for your reply. I truly appreciate it.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        You could ask for supervised visits every second Saturday or Sunday, to be reviewed in 6 months or a year for expanded access time. If he sees a benefit to him, he may be more likely to agree.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Unfortunately you cant force someone to see their kids and more than you can force them to be a better parent. Not to mention the court uses evidence to make their determinations. Which means if you want him to stop watching youtube while he drives, you have to have charges that he has done it. And why I said you do the driving to protect your child.

                          Im also saying put into your order that he has to advise you within 48 hours if he plans to see his child so you aren’t sitting around wondering. A second benefit is for documentation purposes. When he comes back six year from now claiming you denied him access, you have documentation that he never exercised his access. You may have to do a bit of prodding “hi its me, havent heard from you, it is 48 hours before your time, i will take your silence as you dont plan to see child”.

                          You have to think about what a judge would say. The paperwork will show he wasnt around which means a judge will say to him “where were you? You had this time and ignored her.”

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by rockscan View Post
                            Unfortunately you cant force someone to see their kids and more than you can force them to be a better parent. Not to mention the court uses evidence to make their determinations. Which means if you want him to stop watching youtube while he drives, you have to have charges that he has done it. And why I said you do the driving to protect your child.

                            Im also saying put into your order that he has to advise you within 48 hours if he plans to see his child so you aren�t sitting around wondering. A second benefit is for documentation purposes. When he comes back six year from now claiming you denied him access, you have documentation that he never exercised his access. You may have to do a bit of prodding �hi its me, havent heard from you, it is 48 hours before your time, i will take your silence as you dont plan to see child�.

                            You have to think about what a judge would say. The paperwork will show he wasnt around which means a judge will say to him �where were you? You had this time and ignored her.�
                            You have no idea how much truth you have just written, which pretty much summarize d everything.

                            1. Since the day of separation, he has not shown interest in child

                            2. I have offered multiple overnights, weekend visitations almost every week or even during the week. - refused
                            3. Goes to court to say that I am the one not giving him the child. Luckily, I have documented everything and transcript audios presented to my lawyer and million of text messages begging not to show up at 8 PM to see the child who is under 2 years
                            4. Lied to his lawyer that I am the one not giving him the child
                            5. Asked for the Sole decision making but has not shown up for over 7 years and never inquired about the child
                            6. Makes over 120K annually but shows that makes only 30K to avoid child support
                            7. Now he agrees for the sole decision making right before the court forcing me to pay lots of money when he could have agreed to the terms right from the beginning
                            8. Proven he was not involved in child's upbringing since the day she was born
                            9. Dragged the process to starve me out financially so I could give up and agree on unfair terms
                            10. Does not like the supervised visitation because he is someone who does not like to be called out, does not take well constructive criticis and thinks he Is a pure perfection. Simply put, he cannot imagine to be monitored and reported.
                            Anyway, I am doing my best. But you are right, I cannot force to do anything if he does not want to be involved in child's life.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by concernedmother View Post
                              You have no idea how much truth you have just written, which pretty much summarize d everything.

                              1. Since the day of separation, he has not shown interest in child

                              2. I have offered multiple overnights, weekend visitations almost every week or even during the week. - refused
                              3. Goes to court to say that I am the one not giving him the child. Luckily, I have documented everything and transcript audios presented to my lawyer and million of text messages begging not to show up at 8 PM to see the child who is under 2 years
                              4. Lied to his lawyer that I am the one not giving him the child
                              5. Asked for the Sole decision making but has not shown up for over 7 years and never inquired about the child
                              6. Makes over 120K annually but shows that makes only 30K to avoid child support
                              7. Now he agrees for the sole decision making right before the court forcing me to pay lots of money when he could have agreed to the terms right from the beginning
                              8. Proven he was not involved in child's upbringing since the day she was born
                              9. Dragged the process to starve me out financially so I could give up and agree on unfair terms
                              10. Does not like the supervised visitation because he is someone who does not like to be called out, does not take well constructive criticis and thinks he Is a pure perfection. Simply put, he cannot imagine to be monitored and reported.
                              Anyway, I am doing my best. But you are right, I cannot force to do anything if he does not want to be involved in child's life.
                              I meant 7 months not years.

                              Comment

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