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  • Weeknight Sleepovers

    I share custody. 50/50

    My daughter is 12 and over the last two weeks she has spent at her mom’s, she has been sleeping over at her best friend’s house. She has slept there 3 times all on school nights.

    I feel like this is something I would never agree to. Should I say something?

  • #2
    Nope. Mom's time, Mom's business.

    Out if curiosity, why would you object to it? Just curious, I know some parents are against it,and some don't mind. We didn't have an issue with it unless it was causing issues at school.

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    • #3
      2 weeks.....let it be it is your exes parenting time. At best you can offer to care for your child if your ex needs you too but I would leave any mention of sleeping elsewhere out; all that can do is create a mess and maybe look stalky like.

      If it was 6 months and 24 sleepovers, yeah there is likely an issue but 2 weeks.
      Last edited by pinkHouses; 04-12-2022, 03:58 PM.

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      • #4
        I think I object to it because of the way I was raised. School is something that is very important to me and when I see my daughter posting TikToks after midnight on a school week it upsets me. This week she stayed two days in a row at her friends'. Thank you for the input. I will hold off on saying anything.

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        • #5
          Originally posted by newlife2021 View Post
          I think I object to it because of the way I was raised. School is something that is very important to me and when I see my daughter posting TikToks after midnight on a school week it upsets me. This week she stayed two days in a row at her friends'. Thank you for the input. I will hold off on saying anything.

          Make a record of those postings. Don't tell them you are following their tik toks but work into a conversation how important sleep is. What they are doing is not healthy.

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          • #6
            Staying up late occasionally isn't going to harm anyone, and it's what almost all teenagers do, especially with friends. If it isn't impacting school or health then there is no point in pursuing it.

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            • #7
              3 nights a week is a considerable frequency of sleep deprivation but has only been 2 weeks and hopefully the other parent is able to fix it.

              There is much more to it than what the CDC states on this page: https://www.cdc.gov/healthyschools/f...ents-sleep.htm

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              • #8
                As of now, this is not impacting her school. She is a great student. She is very responsible and wakes up fine in the morning. That being said, I do not want her to start going down the wrong path. Sleepovers during weeknights will not be allowed on my week.

                @podric I do keep record of pretty much everything. As for the tiktoks, I am on the ball with social media and my kids. I have all the passwords to their phones and media accounts. I have made the profiles private so only people they allow can see the videos. My son uses Facebook messenger kids where I have to approve the people he wants to talk to. I also get to see the conversations in a weekly report.

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by podric View Post
                  3 nights a week is a considerable frequency of sleep deprivation but has only been 2 weeks and hopefully the other parent is able to fix it.

                  There is much more to it than what the CDC states on this page: https://www.cdc.gov/healthyschools/f...ents-sleep.htm
                  It's not 3 times a week. It's happened 3 times. And over a two-week period. That is nowhere near 3 times a week, and there is no indication that is a regular occurrence. There is no need to blow things out of proportion or make a mountain out of a molehill. This just adds unnecessary drama between co-parents.

                  Originally posted by newlife2021 View Post
                  As of now, this is not impacting her school. She is a great student. She is very responsible and wakes up fine in the morning. That being said, I do not want her to start going down the wrong path. Sleepovers during weeknights will not be allowed on my week.

                  @podric I do keep record of pretty much everything. As for the tiktoks, I am on the ball with social media and my kids. I have all the passwords to their phones and media accounts. I have made the profiles private so only people they allow can see the videos. My son uses Facebook messenger kids where I have to approve the people he wants to talk to. I also get to see the conversations in a weekly report.
                  Parents often have different rules at each house, and that's totally fine. Just be cautious that being too different can cause friction in the child-parent relationship when they prefer to be at the less strict parent's house. Not everything is a battle worth fighting. You may win the battle as you have the authority, but you can lose the connection with your child over it.

                  You do not need to defend or justify how you handle social media as a parent. Everyone is different and there is no test you need to pass to be considered a 'good parent' by strangers on the internet. You're doing a good job and are obviously concerned for your child's wellbeing. That you take the time to ask for feedback before deciding to make an issue of something with the other parent shows that you are open minded and willing to hear, this will go a long way with co-parenting, and your kids.

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                  • #10
                    I wouldn't say I am strict. I do lots for my kids to see their friends and be "free" throughout the week as I live further from the school. I like to think I am consistent. At the beginning of the split, I was saying things like I better "pick my battles" with the kids but I realized that I wasn't being consistent and it was lazy parenting on my part. The kids need consistency and now I feel like when they are at my place they have grown tenfold as individuals. I have such a big heart that I would feel like I was losing a connection with my kids.

                    I appreciate the kind words @blink. I want to continue to grow as a co-parent knowing that it will only benefit the people around me.

                    I am happy that I did not bring this up to the other parent as all it will do is add more fuel to the fire. Its hard enough to communicate right now, I don't want to make things worse.

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                    • #11
                      It could be just a phase, too. When something is new they want to do lots of it, and then the novelty wears off.

                      I agree, consistency is so important. Kids need a sense of predictability.

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