Ottawa Divorce .com Forums


User CP

New posts

Advertising

  Ottawa Divorce .com Forums > Main Category > Divorce & Family Law

Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

Reply
 
Thread Tools
  #1  
Old 04-26-2021, 10:00 AM
Brampton33 Brampton33 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2021
Posts: 365
Brampton33 is on a distinguished road
Default Meddling Grandparents?

Hi All,

In the middle of a bitter custody/access dispute with ex. Do the courts pay any attention to meddling grandparents or extended family? In my case, the source of animosity are my meddling in-laws who seem hellbent for war. They are retired and have too much time on their hands, and their daughter's divorce appears to be their "retirement project". There sole motivation is to bring me down for their perception of why the marriage failed. It is my view that if they were not so heavily involved in their daughter's litigation, we would have likely resolved our issues long ago. Meanwhile, my legal fees keep mounting while they have comfortable means to fund their daughter's litigation.

Yes, I am fully aware that my ex is responsible for her own actions and if she wishes to be guided through litigation by her parents rather than a lawyer, that is her prerogative. Or if she wants to let her parents do all the lifting, writing, and analysis that is her prerogative. I was just wondering of there are any repurcussions for the actual sources and root causes of the nastiness? Whereby it is actually somewhat detrimental for the children to be exposed to the grandparents and perhaps their time should be limited/monitored?

Also, what kind of grandparents get so involved in trying to restrict their grandchildren's access to their own dad? Seems counter-intuitive. You love your grandkids, but don't want them to have a relationship with their own dad? Its messed up. I came across a case in BC (J.A.S v N.J.S in 2005) where a litigant's mother (who funded the litigation) was added as a party to proceedings in order to make her pay costs as well.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 04-26-2021, 12:21 PM
rockscan rockscan is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 6,970
rockscan will become famous soon enoughrockscan will become famous soon enough
Default

My former family members remortgaged their house to fund their kids divorce in order to stick it to their former kid in law. It happens a lot.

I would suggest you only respond to what you need and you keep the matter focused. If they are sending letters to your lawyer or sending you communication, you ignore it. If they are pushing for additional litigation you should have your lawyer set down only what is needed.

There are no repercussions other than costs. You cant stop them from being difficult. You can only change your approach.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 04-26-2021, 01:05 PM
Brampton33 Brampton33 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2021
Posts: 365
Brampton33 is on a distinguished road
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by rockscan View Post
There are no repercussions other than costs.
What if it can be demonstrated that the grandparents are the gas to a burning fire? Or that the grandparents participate in alienating behaviours that are detrimental to the children and their relationship with the actual parents of the children. Would a court put some type of orders on the grandparents? Or limit their time? I guess what I am saying, is that if supervised access exists for parents, should there not be a type of 'supervised access' for grandparents who are the cause of turmoil?
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 04-26-2021, 02:04 PM
iona6656 iona6656 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2018
Posts: 1,048
iona6656 is on a distinguished road
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brampton33 View Post
What if it can be demonstrated that the grandparents are the gas to a burning fire? Or that the grandparents participate in alienating behaviours that are detrimental to the children and their relationship with the actual parents of the children. Would a court put some type of orders on the grandparents? Or limit their time? I guess what I am saying, is that if supervised access exists for parents, should there not be a type of 'supervised access' for grandparents who are the cause of turmoil?
Supervised access exists where either parent poses a safety risk to the child(ren).

Does your ex's parents pose a risk to your kids?
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 04-26-2021, 02:04 PM
Janus's Avatar
Janus Janus is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 2,736
Janus will become famous soon enoughJanus will become famous soon enough
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brampton33 View Post
should there not be a type of 'supervised access' for grandparents who are the cause of turmoil?
During parenting time, parents get to make parenting decisions. One big decision is "who gets to see the kid". If the parent is trusted with parenting time, then they are trusted to make appropriate parenting decisions.

There are some rare exceptions (I think working dad's ex is not allowed to see her nephew or something crazy like that) but funding a court case is not going to be one of those exceptions.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 04-26-2021, 02:12 PM
iona6656 iona6656 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2018
Posts: 1,048
iona6656 is on a distinguished road
Default

Also- it *sounds* like you are trying to manage your ex's relationship with her parents.

Be careful about going after grandparents in court too. You look petty. My dad is a functional alcoholic. During our litigation- I was living with my parents; but at no point did I ever have my dad provide childcare for my daughter. My ex threatened, in co-parent counselling, to tell the OCL that I leave our daughter with an alcoholic. I shut that down REAL quick. He mentioned it again in a 4 way meeting with our lawyers- and my lawyer asked him "Isn't the only reason she's living there because her safety plan recommended she live with family. Aren't you the reason she needs a safety plan?"
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 04-26-2021, 02:59 PM
Brampton33 Brampton33 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2021
Posts: 365
Brampton33 is on a distinguished road
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by iona6656 View Post
Also- it *sounds* like you are trying to manage your ex's relationship with her parents.
Nothing in my previous 2 posts would suggest that I am trying to manage my ex's relationship with her parents. Please do not lump me in a category of any type of controlling men, because I am far from it.

My ex is encouraged to have a relationship with her parents, as any parent-child relationship should. The issue I have is that it is not me versus my ex in court, it is me versus my former in-laws in court. All that is fine. But what I do have an issue with is when grandparents overstep the actual parents in terms of boundaries, and the grandparents being the source of pollution and attempted mind-warping of the kids, while encouraging my ex to implement alienating behaviours......all as a means of payback in a vengeful way towards me. I can handle it....but when it affects/impacts the kids, then I take exception. I was just wondering what repurcussions may exist for such situations.

Also, good example Iona, but your example cited does not apply exactly to my concerns. Your ex tried to use the fact that your father is a functioning alcoholic against you. First, you may have never left child alone with your father. Second, your father was likely never drunk around your child. Your ex would be hard-pressed to prove either.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 04-26-2021, 05:55 PM
rockscan rockscan is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 6,970
rockscan will become famous soon enoughrockscan will become famous soon enough
Default Meddling Grandparents?

Your dealings are with the ex. Regardless of what her parents do, you deal with her. If your child is exhibiting questionable behaviour you deal with the ex. If you are concerned, you put it in writing and address it through your current matter.

As far as alienating is concerned, there is a lot to be said on that and how you address the kids and their behaviour. There is also a lot to do with the age in this type of thing. There is a big difference between interference and alienation. Alienating behaviour is actually not the correct term. Its not really a verb. They are either alienated or they are exhibiting signs of interference. Alienation is no contact physical or text. Full stop. Interference is disparaging you to the child or leading the child to believe you are unsafe or threatening and encouraging them to not spend time with you. If the child is saying stuff to you, there are things you can say in response. As long as you are still having your parenting time, this can be managed. Its when the ex starts saying kid doesnt want to see you today and Im not going to force them that you need to take action to enforce your parenting time.

I could go on with respect to this topic due to my many years as an alienated child, my husbands alienation from his children, our combined 25 years of therapy and my extensive research on the topic. I strongly suggest you seek out therapy to assist you through dealing with alienation (my husbands therapist taught him how to talk to the kids) as well as do your own research. A fantastic book I read was A Familys Heartbreak by Mike Jeffries. It was really eye opening.

The courts are only starting to deal with alienation via denial of access (they hesitate to identify it in writing) and you will not succeed with an argument about how your ex in laws are influencing the kids. All you can do is focus on making sure you see your kids and redirecting behaviour.
Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Child support when child lives with grandparents chskin Divorce & Family Law 6 06-29-2020 12:10 PM
Grandparents vs Daycare divorceakai Parenting Issues 17 11-20-2019 03:28 PM
Grandparents' rights over dad's Nationcaps Divorce & Family Law 28 11-01-2011 11:04 AM
Grandparents ignoring the child....I am so ANGRY! representingself Parenting Issues 8 10-05-2009 04:24 PM
Results of grandparents' contact application.... sasha1 Divorce Support 5 04-11-2006 12:11 AM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 08:07 AM.