New and

[Pmcdonne]

Here is my story short ( well sort of )

I have been separated but not legally since June 2002 - We were together common law from December 1993 to January 2002 in the province of Québec, then we got married in February 2002 in New Zealand and came to live in Ontario. So as you see the official marriage lasted only 4 months. For reasons I still can't come to terms I met this man and my life was turned around and I left my husband for him - I left without asking for anything; only that he provides financial security for our 2 children - which he does- Well needless to say that my relationship did not workout, which was inevitable I truly believe that. Both of us have continued with our lives we have a great co-parenting relationship and I consider my ex to be to some extent a good friend. He's in a relationship and so am I - 1 month and a half ago my ex decided that it was time to put closier and proceed with a divorce and arrange a settlement - well that came out of the blue to me; especially the settlement part - he offered to pay me a full lump sum and we would then share the expenses for the children. When he asked that his lawyer prepare the settlement she said that technically he does not owe me anything - (yes for the kids but me nothing) because our marriage was so shortlived. But he wanted to do the right thing and he came up with this agreement - 40K lump sum as spousal support - and $900/per month for child support. I have no idea if this is fair - I can,t afford a lawyer and to make it worse my partner is livid and he's saying that this is not at all fair - and that I should be brave and tell him that I will not sign this agreement and that we will battle this in court - I'm so stressed and the thought of bringing this in front of the courts is killing me - I want to do what's right for me but I also want my partner to be supportive of my decision - Is my ex having me on with this agreement? Is it serving him more than me. To make it worst my ex is a lawyer........ I am extremely discouraged.
"justlookingforpeace"

[sufferer]

Why dont you apply for legal aid.Because he is a lawyer his obligations towards you or the children shuldn't change.

[NotSoNiceEx]

Do what your heart tells you to do, not what your partner thinks you should do. It is good to consider your partners opinion but you have to make the ultimate decision. You said that your ex and you are amicable and friendly, why ruin that? Are the children you refer to from that relationship or from the husband you left? I gather he is being rather civil and just wants to move on with his life since you've been separated for 8 years. Any agreement you sign needs to be looked over and signed by a lawyer representing you. Good Luck

[dinkyface]

If you did not make any efforts to establish spousal support in 8 years, I'd say the 40K lump sum sounds good.

You might be missing out on your 50% share of assets/debts/house, but again, if you have not taken any steps towards settling this in 8 years, you might be out of luck. Not sure if being married in New Zealand affets this.

I'm assuming you have the kids more than 60% of the time, and so he should be paying the full amount according to his income, based on the tables. In the Ontario tables, $900 corresponds to an income of $59,900: Federal Child Support Amounts: Simplified Tables. The amount SHOULD be automatically adjusted each year according to his income. This part is very straightforward, and less negotiable.

[NBDad]

The child support amounts should be based on the table amounts, and depending on whether you have the children over 60% or not, he's supposed to pay either full table amounts, OR offset table amounts.

If you have the children < 60% of the time, he's entitled to the CCTB/UCCB payments for 6 months a year. He's obligated to inform CRA of the change in circumstances, so even if he hasn't yet, be prepared for that eventuality. And before you ask, no he cannot sign it over to you. You cannot write that kind of thing into a Separation Agreement (it's not enforceable, as it lies outside the jurisdiction of family court)

So take rough amounts and figure out if what he is offering you for CS is fair. That part is simple.

The lump sum offer is not as black and white....It sounds like he's offering you a lump sum equilization payment and calling it spousal support. He doesn't owe you anything in spousal support. HOWEVER you might have a case for equalization, particularly if you contributed towards the household/etc during the period you were together.

You don't make any mention of assets? At the time you left did the two of you own a home? cars? RRSPs? Investments?

Technically you are entitled to 50% of the household's net value (total assets - total debts) as of the date of separation, although not filing for same until almost 8 years later is probably going to make you look greedy and can potentially mean you wind up with nothing. (Fighting about it if the offered lump sum is close to the actual value can also result in you being hit with costs...which means YOU pay a portion (or all) of HIS legal fees).

Is this lump sum amount worth fighting about? No idea. You have to figure it out...how much is the net value estimated at?

Now subtract ~ 20-40K from that net value amount (as between you that is what a hard fought legal battle will run you). What's left? Is it a lot more than 40K? If it's not, then it's fair. If the amount is substantially higher...then it could be worth fighting about. (Though the side effect is that you will likely destroy your amicable relationship with your ex)

[standing on the sidelines]

go with your heart. Remember if you fight it out in court things have a way of turning nasty and the only ones who are happy are the lawyers when the send you the bills.

[Pmcdonne]

Thank you

The child support amounts should be based on the table amounts, and depending on whether you have the children over 60% or not, he's supposed to pay either full table amounts, OR offset table amounts.

If you have the children < 60% of the time, he's entitled to the CCTB/UCCB payments for 6 months a year. He's obligated to inform CRA of the change in circumstances, so even if he hasn't yet, be prepared for that eventuality. And before you ask, no he cannot sign it over to you. You cannot write that kind of thing into a Separation Agreement (it's not enforceable, as it lies outside the jurisdiction of family court)

So take rough amounts and figure out if what he is offering you for CS is fair. That part is simple.

The lump sum offer is not as black and white....It sounds like he's offering you a lump sum equilization payment and calling it spousal support. He doesn't owe you anything in spousal support. HOWEVER you might have a case for equalization, particularly if you contributed towards the household/etc during the period you were together.

You don't make any mention of assets? At the time you left did the two of you own a home? cars? RRSPs? Investments?

Technically you are entitled to 50% of the household's net value (total assets - total debts) as of the date of separation, although not filing for same until almost 8 years later is probably going to make you look greedy and can potentially mean you wind up with nothing. (Fighting about it if the offered lump sum is close to the actual value can also result in you being hit with costs...which means YOU pay a portion (or all) of HIS legal fees).

Is this lump sum amount worth fighting about? No idea. You have to figure it out...how much is the net value estimated at?

Now subtract ~ 20-40K from that net value amount (as between you that is what a hard fought legal battle will run you). What's left? Is it a lot more than 40K? If it's not, then it's fair. If the amount is substantially higher...then it could be worth fighting about. (Though the side effect is that you will likely destroy your amicable relationship with your ex)

Reply:

From the begining of us living together, the arrival of our children, nothing and even we we got married, nothing was ever in my name; all the assests that he brought to the relationship and purchased during were in his name. My only contribution and I'm not minimizing my efforts is that together we decided that I would become a stay at home mom, I left my government job, but like I said It was a decision that I was happy to make. Thank you for the information! everyones information has been so greatly appreciated !! You know that you are not alone but often that's how you feel and your mind slips into this negative vortex which makes it so difficult to see clearly.Unfortunately legal aid is not an option - yes I do have a good income but as you know I'm sure; once you start paying the bills, putting food on the table - trying to have some sort of quality of life- well let's just say that I have no disposible income left - X-mas 2008 was the first time that I had purchased a new winter coat. I buy all of my clothes in thrift shops, I'm not ashamed that's how it has to be. .................................................. ...