"The Waiting"....

[Stillbreathing]

I’m now in the 2nd year of waiting to go to mediation. Yes my ex and his lawyer have managed to stall for another two years. I never ever would have agreed to mediation had I known they could also stall that taking place. When the ex agreed he was self rep and his paranoia kicked in so he wouldn’t sign because of a typo. My lawyer revamped the contract about 30 times or more to try to accommodate him and get things moving forward. Then he hired another lawyer who was unfamiliar with the file. More delay. Then he wanted to pick the mediator/arbitrator. Then he refused to sign the agreement.... on and on and on. We had to threaten to go back to court and actually had a date set . His lawyer talked him into signing. Now he’s refusing to provide full disclosure....it just goes round and round and round

[StillPaying]

therein lies the issue. people always think they're in the right- or their lawyers tells them they're in the right- but it only takes 1 judge to disagree with you...

No issue. The idea is to get resolution as soon as possible. If we're both right, there should be no delays and let's push for trial. Usually there is one side who's not in a hurry for change.

i also think you underestimate how much of an emotional toll family court takes after you've left an abusive relationship...the entire time you're just CRISIS! CRISIS! CRISIS!...and you're just going to keep spending to keep yourself away from a shitty situation. BUT eventually it catches up with you- and then you realize you have to live your life still and support it. it's hard for anyone- much less victims of domestic violence.

I fully understand dv and family court. The emotional part is on you though and how you handle things. Which is why I say you're in for a shock.

[iona6656]

Well, I got my answer. My ex’s lawyer called the clerk at my lawyers office and left a message for her (why not my actual lawyer?) saying she’s going to be on vacation next week but her client is very interested in working on a parenting plan and reaching a solution- so don’t be thrown by their notice of dispute to the OCL report because she knows the deadline is coming up.

I want to rage. But this isn’t shocking. So time to gear up. We’re going to trial.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Mom 2 Two]

I’m sorry to hear this... but not shocked either. I don’t even have my OCL report and I am already pretty sure my ex will fight it. Is there a time line they have? We haven’t even given offers to settle and I am also sure this will go to trial. As Rockscan keeps reminding me... can’t reason with unreasonable people. ;-(.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[StillPaying]

at which point does it look like I'm in need of vapors for my feelings?

Honestly, you gave a bad offer on so many levels where your ex is almost guaranteed a better outcome in court, long before 5 years. Ex is the one who brought this application.

You only now sent 1 offer. 24 hours later, ex's lawyer responded that they're interested in negotiating but will be on vacation next week.

And that sent you in a rage?!

[iona6656]

Honestly, you gave a bad offer on so many levels where your ex is almost guaranteed a better outcome in court, long before 5 years. Ex is the one who brought this application.



You only now sent 1 offer. 24 hours later, ex's lawyer responded that they're interested in negotiating but will be on vacation next week.



And that sent you in a rage?!

This is the 2nd offer. What I wrote in the beginning was what I wanted, not what I offered. The rage is at the money and time it’s going to cost to wait for the OCL report to be disputed. But deep breath and it’s subsided. I knew he was going to do it- even as just a place holder so he doesn’t miss the deadline. But also it’s beyond annoying that at each stage he’s been given this huge out to own what he did and just say “I’m sorry- won’t do it again. Going to get some help”. But chooses instead to fight to say he was right and justified in his actions. But whatever. Going to keep sending offers- book the SC and get going.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[iona6656]

I’m sorry to hear this... but not shocked either. I don’t even have my OCL report and I am already pretty sure my ex will fight it. Is there a time line they have? We haven’t even given offers to settle and I am also sure this will go to trial. As Rockscan keeps reminding me... can’t reason with unreasonable people. ;-(.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Thanks. Yeah, I’m not shocked, but ragey at the $$$ this is going to cost.

Rule 21 of the Family Law rules deals with the report. Either party has 30 days after being served to dispute the report.

Just keep offering offers to settle but move to trial. Trying to reason is just going to cost you $ and cause frustration. Remember- your kids are okay. And that’s all that matters.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[rockscan]

My man’s ex was told how many ways she was wrong by a DRO and a judge. She even had to pay several thousand in costs. Have we seen an updated offer to settle (which the judge basically listed out for her)? Nope. We don’t expect a new one either. The first one was so far off the mark that it was almost laughable. SC in two months. My man has now spent $8000. Its complete bullshit and makes me ragey on a regular basis. The whole system is bs.

[iona6656]

just an update

Off we go to a settlement conference.

we gave them a month since the last offer was sent. they've sent nothing in response.

Well- actually- ex's lawyer sent a letter saying that her client tells her that the parties are working "productively with the co-parent counselor to achieve a final parenting plan'. That's not true. At all. In fact- at the last session, the coparent therapist told my ex that he should be responding to my offers. He said he would respond before our next session- which is next Wednesday.

So, my lawyer finally agreed with me that my ex is trying to stall to stale date the OCL report- and is booking an SC.

My ex called me in a panic last night saying he was confused about things, and he's not trying to stall, etc etc..I told him to just get a reply offer in. And I'm still instructing my lawyer to hold a date for the SC.


Oh- his lawyer also said she'll be in touch about the finances. My lawyer politely replied back that my priorities start with D2, before settling finances. My ex REALLY wants that money in trust. Ha. Nope. Nopeity. Nope.

[Mom 2 Two]

I get the waiting. It’s awful. I’m waiting for OCL to respond to the dispute. Also waiting for disclosure from my ex. He was given 60 days. Which to me is time to get all his ducks in a row. I guess when disclosure comes it will show start date of the things he is claiming he has in place.

Did yuh hear back from OCL yet about ex’s dispute?

Sounds like maybe your ex will respond to your offer? I hope so.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[iona6656]

I get the waiting. It’s awful. I’m waiting for OCL to respond to the dispute. Also waiting for disclosure from my ex. He was given 60 days. Which to me is time to get all his ducks in a row. I guess when disclosure comes it will show start date of the things he is claiming he has in place.

Did yuh hear back from OCL yet about ex’s dispute?

Nope. Not a thing. I don't think they will change their recommendations though. So I'm just proceeding.

Sounds like maybe your ex will respond to your offer? I hope so.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Yeah- that's what he said. I'll have it by next Tuesday or Wednesday latest. I told him that I appreciate that- but we should still keep the SC date as that's what my lawyer said to do.

My ex doesn't listen to me- I'm the one that actually thinks we should keep the SC date to keep a fire under everyone's ass. But I can't say that to my ex- I have to say that my it's my *male* lawyer's suggestion. Misogynistic idiot.

[iona6656]

I get the waiting. It’s awful.

I've been trying to decide who the delay affects more in my case.

Is it me? Because the farther away we get from the OCL disclosure- the more likely it is that the report will stale date. As D2 is going to be D3 in October. And it gives my ex more time to go get therapy to deal iwth his shit- and make another play at "oh. I'm so changed"

Or is it him? Because it's just a longer status quo where D2 has only known me as her caregiver pretty much all her life. Also- ex hasn't actually been going back to therapy like he said he would. He's not following through on the things that would help him establish that the situation has changed- e.g. making appointments with her doctors to get familiarized with her medical stuff. Meeting school staff, etc etc. He was offered a parent teacher interview with D2s preschool teacher and didn't take them up on it.

I don't know.

[gettingexpensive]

So, my lawyer finally agreed with me that my ex is trying to stall to stale date the OCL report- and is booking an SC.

Good. But I assume that the SC is just another hurdle to jump over. Nothing will happen based on how your ex seems to behave.

[Mom 2 Two]

Right!! I think the longer status quo goes it’s more in your favour. Our SC judge told my ex to drop the joint because 6 year status quo. And ocl report

All of a sudden since the SC last month. My ex has now all of a sudden shown up to all the kids appointments. ( Great!! Now I have support finally) Like even dental cleanings. It’s kind of funny because none of these providers have ever met him as he has never come in the entire past 10 years. They are all like who is this??

My ex has not attempted parenting classes or even asked to take the kids to therapy with himself either. We had ocl disclosure in April. He has put in ALL his answers and briefs even his parenting plan that he will enrol him and the kids in therapy. Still hasn’t even attempted it. So I’m not sure how much attending app’s all of a sudden will help his case for joint. To me, I’m fine if he shows now so he can see for himself how much time I lose from work to look after our kids needs. What burns me is he is showing up to things after his work hours but are still within mine. It would be nice if he just offered to take them and I wouldn’t miss work. But that would mean he would have to pay for appointment. He has not presented me with any offer to settle other than the ones attached to his brief. And it’s completely out to lunch.





Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[gettingexpensive]

Right!! I think the longer status quo goes it’s more in your favour. Our SC judge told my ex to drop the joint because 6 year status quo. And ocl report

All of a sudden since the SC last month. My ex has now all of a sudden shown up to all the kids appointments. ( Great!! Now I have support finally)

I'm guessing he's only pushing for joint so he doesn't have to pay as much CS?