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  Ottawa Divorce .com Forums > Main Category > Divorce & Family Law > Common Law Issues

Common Law Issues The law regarding common law relationships is different than in cases of divorce. Discuss the issues that affect unmarried couples here.

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  #1  
Old 04-25-2018, 06:48 PM
stevem stevem is offline
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Default Common law custody

I am firming up an agreement with my ex - and was wondering a few things. I am allowing her custody with me the standard every other weekend etc.

A friend of mine had a similar arrangement - and there were months at a time when she wouldn't let him see the kids out of spite - and he could do nothing about it -- can this happen to me ?? Is there something I should put in the agreement to protect myself ?

Second - my boy is 8 - but already says he would like to live with me - I haven't said anything to my ex about this. But if push comes to shove is there an age that he can decide for himself to live with me instead ?

Thanks !
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Old 04-25-2018, 07:00 PM
Berner_Faith Berner_Faith is offline
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Why are you not seeking equal access to your son? Why are you "allowing" her full custody? If your son is expressing wanting to spent more time with you, why would you only take him every other weekend? Do NOT agree to that. Get 50-50 shared custody. Why would you only want to see your son 4 days a month?
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Old 04-25-2018, 07:26 PM
stevem stevem is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Berner_Faith View Post
Why are you not seeking equal access to your son? Why are you "allowing" her full custody? If your son is expressing wanting to spent more time with you, why would you only take him every other weekend? Do NOT agree to that. Get 50-50 shared custody. Why would you only want to see your son 4 days a month?
Good point - I will consider this carefully. Thankyou.
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Old 04-25-2018, 07:27 PM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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Im with BF, dont agree to every other weekend. Take joint shared physical custody.

She can try to keep the kid but thats denial of parenting time.

Dont start thinking of taking kid full time. Its better to encourage your son to enjoy time with BOTH parents. How would you feel if your ex encouraged kid to stay with her all the time?
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Old 04-25-2018, 09:29 PM
stevem stevem is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rockscan View Post
Im with BF, dont agree to every other weekend. Take joint shared physical custody.

She can try to keep the kid but thats denial of parenting time.

Dont start thinking of taking kid full time. Its better to encourage your son to enjoy time with BOTH parents. How would you feel if your ex encouraged kid to stay with her all the time?
Yes - that would be mean if I wanted to keep the kids all the time - the more and more I think about it the more I think I need to see a lawyer.

Thing is I run a business and put 60hrs/week or more into it - right now she is very copacetic about things - I can pop over and see the kids all I want - I see them for a few days almost every weekend I get them. The more I see this 5-6 day a month agreement the more I get concerned. I really think she just needs the child support $ to get by - she works a min wage temp job - dosen't make more than 15-18K/yr on it- and I pay her that much in CS. Not a big deal --I can afford it and she needs it too. It is not the $ thing I'm worried about - it is the children I worry about - about her saying - no I'm the main parent now and our little boy is no longer playing in hockey because I said so and because I'm mad at your father (he loves hockey - she is so so on it - he is good at it too)

Now saying the above - I don't want everyone to take my side - I need balanced opinions on things.
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Old 04-25-2018, 09:59 PM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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You should still go for shared custody. Think of it this way, what would you do if your ex died?
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Old 04-25-2018, 10:31 PM
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Rioe Rioe is offline
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If your salaries are that far apart, offset in a 50-50 situation isn't going to be that much less money for her.
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Old 04-25-2018, 11:46 PM
kate331 kate331 is offline
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I think 50/50 is best (although I dont have it, so take that with a grain of salt ), the kids need both parents, that said I'm not sure your career is suited for it. Working 60 hours a week is going to take considerable daycare/nanny costs, which she will have to contribute too. If your not able or willing to cut your hours back during your time with the kids this may not work. In essence your kinda paying her to be babysitter right now. Which isnt a bad situation for you, but it puts all the parenting responsibility on her shoulders.

Once each of you gets into a new relationship, sometimes there are emotions involved and you may find her resisting the dropping in and seeing the kids anytime you want. Something to consider imo.
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Old 04-26-2018, 12:26 PM
stevem stevem is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rioe View Post
If your salaries are that far apart, offset in a 50-50 situation isn't going to be that much less money for her.
A 50-50 situation would mean about 1500-1600.00 a month cs she wouldn't see based on the # of kids we have.

So it would be alot to her.
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Old 04-26-2018, 12:28 PM
stevem stevem is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rockscan View Post
You should still go for shared custody. Think of it this way, what would you do if your ex died?
What do you mean ?? I thought that if she had custody and she died then they would automatically come to me........???

But thinking about it - if she remarries or finds some one else common law - I suppose they might get the kids instead of me ....that would be very very bad...

I'm not sure on this one....
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