Ex claiming he never received my emails

[Nadia]

It's just not even emails related to sharing information. When ever I received a cheque from HIM for the cost order or medical expenses. I scanned them in as a PDF before taking them to the bank and sent him a polite email letting him know I'd received the cheques (see attached PDF) but that they were back dated three months ago.

Eg. Cost Order cheque due in January, he finally gets around to sending it on April 1st but then dates it as January 31st.

Last time we were in court he alleged that the reason I had not received his cheques, was because I was refusing to accept his cheques. "I've tried to give them to her, but she just won't take them." In fact, he continued "your honour I have the outstanding cheques in my back pocket."

At the end of the motion I quickly reminded the Judge he had told her he had the outstanding cheques, and would it be possible for him to hand them over now. The Judge looked at him. He looked all flustered and said he'd actually left them in his truck. Police officer at the court who was going to walk me to my car then accompanied me back to his truck and we waited while he wrote out the outstanding cheques.

[stripes]

I don't have any better advice than anyone else, just wanted to send my sympathies. I too have an ex who won't communicate or acknowledge emails. Once I accepted that this was just another manifestation of his generally being a jerk, life actually became easier. He won't confer or collaborate on any decisions involving the kid, so by default I end up making them. My emails have gone from asking for his input to something like this:

"I propose doing xyz (renewing kid's gymnastics, taking her for a dental checkup, switching pickup times, having her birthday party , etc). If you would like to suggest an alternate arrangement, I am flexible. Please let me know if you would prefer a different plan by date/month. If I don't hear from you by date/month, I will assume the plan I have outlined is accepted and will move ahead. Sincerely".

Then I figure I've covered myself, and am cleared to move ahead. I used to spend way too much time trying to be collaborative and co-operative before I realized that a) he had no interest in reciprocating; and b) I was tying myself up in knots worrying about his reaction, which was way too much deja vu from the marriage.

[DowntroddenDad]

I had very similar circumstances. During the negotiations for the separation agreement, she wouldn't answer or acknowledge any emails at all. She did however forward some to her lawyer to answer.

But things can get better. My ex will now chat with me when I call the apartment to speak with the kids.

[Nadia]

Thanks for sharing your experience Stripes. That was very helpful

But things can get better. My ex will now chat with me when I call the apartment to speak with the kids.

Downtrodden, I do not wish to be pessimistic about matters, but this is highly unlikely to happen in our case. It has been over six years since our "official" seperation and we probably have at least a dozen court orders and countless endorsements. I am financially crippled from the litigation and just devastated that I have to deal with this immature, "bullish" behavior after all these years.

[DowntroddenDad]

Thanks for sharing your experience Stripes. That was very helpful



Downtrodden, I do not wish to be pessimistic about matters, but this is highly unlikely to happen in our case. It has been over six years since our "official" seperation and we probably have at least a dozen court orders and countless endorsements. I am financially crippled from the litigation and just devastated that I have to deal with this immature, "bullish" behavior after all these years.

Well even I don't think things will always be smooth between the Ex and I, but I will enjoy some peace at the moment.

Nadia, in your case, I'd agree with your assessment. I think my kids may have had something to do with it.

[limer]

If your ex isn't responding via email you could alert his lawyer to it. With each email you send to your ex, why not copy his lawyer as well? If he still continues to disregard then you put his lawyer into the loop (and accountability) if you need to go to court. Alternately, you could use the request to admit form with all of the unanswered or "unreceived" emails. This would give the impression that you are preparing to go to court, and using the request to admit the emails into evidence. The other side will have to respond.

[Nadia]

If your ex isn't responding via email you could alert his lawyer to it. With each email you send to your ex, why not copy his lawyer as well? If he still continues to disregard then you put his lawyer into the loop (and accountability) if you need to go to court.

He does not have a lawyer.

[Nadia]

The issue is not that he is refusing to respond, but that he is now alleging that he never received any of my emails. If he made a choice not to respond that is up to him. The question is did Parent "A" make reasonable efforts to share information with Parent "B" and was it reasonable for Parent "A" to believe these emails were being received.

[stripes]

The answer to both questions is yes. You used the means of communication that was specified in your order, and it's reasonable to assume that if someone supplies an email address, that's intended to be the means of communication. You aren't responsible for his choice to be a jerk.

[tugofwar]

Nadia,

Again I feel your pain. My ex has claimed every excuse to not reading, taking his sweet ass time in responding and ignoring multiple emails over the years to claiming he didn't receive and sometimes saying he had difficulty reading the messages. Our communication is bare minimal so the few times I do send an email, it takes a week to respond if that.
Im at my wits end too and I wish I could offer advice

[arabian]

Might be a pain but perhaps you have to resort to UPS/Purolator or registered mail and then add that to costs when you are in court.

Costs will add up for sure. Request an extra 200.00/month for courier you are in court the next time. Doesn't take very many letters for it to add up to that much but a person has to do what they have to do right?

[dad2bandm]

As of late, I use both ReadNotify.com, but also use registered mail, when it comes to something more important as well; something where I think "could this have to be addressed in court?".

In those important "communications", I send via registered mail, followed up by a readnotify.com certified email, a few days later. Ex still ignores them, but sometimes the email is something that she'll respond in a hostile manner to. That is my "read receipt" sometimes. lol.

[tugofwar]

Is there a fee for using readnotify.com?

[dad2bandm]

Yes, there is..but it's pretty small...especially compared to having to send registered mail.

Check out their site, for their subscription options. readnotify.com

It's something like $4 a month, or $25 to $36 a year, if you pay for a whole year upfront.

[dad2bandm]

I'd still like to get on "OurFamilyWizard" at some point, for better tracking of communication, and all the other stuff that comes with it (shared calendars, etc), but for the cost readnotify.com is a good interim measure.