Hello, this is my first contribution to the forum. I have been reading threads for a while now and I want to just send out a global thank you to everyone for their participation. Many of the threads have been helpful and reassuring.
I think now I do need to post something to just ask...about everything.
I do not want to outline too many specifics of my situation out of fear that he may belong to this group, i do not know.
Sufficed to say, we have a parenting agreement and financial agreement in place that affords him 3 nights of the week with the chidlren and i have them 4 nights. The schedule was set up the way that it was in order to accommodate his schedule for extracurricular activities (his sports clubs he belongs to and social engagements) and my nights to attend parent council meetings etc. The children are divided on the weekend so each parent has them for half the weekend. This has functioned this way relatively amicably for 3 years or so.
Long story short, over the course of this summer - relating to a specific incident, the situation changed dramatically and he is now very uncooperative and combative. He wants the children 50-50 in order to lessen his child support payments. He makes twice what i do in income and is in a new relationship. When i mean combative, i mean downright armaggedon. He has called the police a few times for what they described as very petty reasons. He has restricted all communication with him on my part. My partner must communicate all the needs/information of the children through him and initially he was very happy wtih this, but now is making the same accusation against my partner. Childrens aid became involved when he involved the police and also when my daughter started to go to counselling. The counsellor contacted CAS to report the situation at his home with my daughter. He does not know this I do not think. My children are being both emotionally abused and neglected. They are 14 and 12 years old.
My ex has made a ton of allegations, none of which can be substantiated (because they arent true). He has claimed that i have anger issues, and that the children are afraid of me. For my part, i initially did not want to change custody/access but in light of all that i have come to understand this summer from my children i have changed that and would like him to have a more traditional "every second weekend" role. It would provide the children with alot more stability. He has had the children for years in the present arrangement and his relationship wtih them has slowly erroded given his actions. For the record, i can support all of my claims with emails and texts between myself and him, and with the children when they are under duress in his care.
My questions are two fold.
we had our case conference and i was warned by my lawyer prior to going in that the judge that we had was very "pro men" and that she was not a fan of women lawyers. She also said that she was very challenging and would likely "ream out" everyone. She did behave as my lawyer indicated. I am concerned about my lawyer in how she was in the courtroom and i am considering changing lawyers. I just really dont know if i should and i would like guidance.
The children have been assigned an OCL. Both my ex and i have had our first meeting wtih him and the children as far as i know only saw him once. Given when my children share with me, i am sure the OCL was in shock after speaking to the childre. I know my ex has told everyone incredibly horrific stories about me. For me, i tried to focus on the children but i did outline my ex's abuse and narcissistic tendancies to him also. I am certain that when the children met with him, they supported what i had been saying. I infer this because when CAS initially met with everyone, the intake worker indicated that the children, the counsellor report all supported my comments. This was told to me privately and so i am confident that the children continue to have strong feelings regarding their treatment at their fathers house. With regards to the OCL, the secretary just called me and wants to remeet everyone again because he has assigned a clinical investigator. What does that mean?
My ex has taken a new tack recently and insisting that i have alienated the children against him. The timing is odd and i wonder if his lawyer is insisting that that is happening and that is why they have been assigned. Can someone provide insight into OCL process and why a clinical investigator would be involved?
Im sure my post is convoluted and confusing. I apologize. The details of this case are insane and really unbelievable.
All i care about is my children. They are under stress and really afraid that their father will win "week about". He is constantly telling them that it will be that way because it is only "Fair" and they have no choice. He has told my children that i am a "psychotic bitch" among other things. I just dont know what to do anymore. I would like to tell him to keep his support money and just give me my children. I hate what they are living through.
Thank you for your time.
I think now I do need to post something to just ask...about everything.
I do not want to outline too many specifics of my situation out of fear that he may belong to this group, i do not know.
Sufficed to say, we have a parenting agreement and financial agreement in place that affords him 3 nights of the week with the chidlren and i have them 4 nights. The schedule was set up the way that it was in order to accommodate his schedule for extracurricular activities (his sports clubs he belongs to and social engagements) and my nights to attend parent council meetings etc. The children are divided on the weekend so each parent has them for half the weekend. This has functioned this way relatively amicably for 3 years or so.
Long story short, over the course of this summer - relating to a specific incident, the situation changed dramatically and he is now very uncooperative and combative. He wants the children 50-50 in order to lessen his child support payments. He makes twice what i do in income and is in a new relationship. When i mean combative, i mean downright armaggedon. He has called the police a few times for what they described as very petty reasons. He has restricted all communication with him on my part. My partner must communicate all the needs/information of the children through him and initially he was very happy wtih this, but now is making the same accusation against my partner. Childrens aid became involved when he involved the police and also when my daughter started to go to counselling. The counsellor contacted CAS to report the situation at his home with my daughter. He does not know this I do not think. My children are being both emotionally abused and neglected. They are 14 and 12 years old.
My ex has made a ton of allegations, none of which can be substantiated (because they arent true). He has claimed that i have anger issues, and that the children are afraid of me. For my part, i initially did not want to change custody/access but in light of all that i have come to understand this summer from my children i have changed that and would like him to have a more traditional "every second weekend" role. It would provide the children with alot more stability. He has had the children for years in the present arrangement and his relationship wtih them has slowly erroded given his actions. For the record, i can support all of my claims with emails and texts between myself and him, and with the children when they are under duress in his care.
My questions are two fold.
we had our case conference and i was warned by my lawyer prior to going in that the judge that we had was very "pro men" and that she was not a fan of women lawyers. She also said that she was very challenging and would likely "ream out" everyone. She did behave as my lawyer indicated. I am concerned about my lawyer in how she was in the courtroom and i am considering changing lawyers. I just really dont know if i should and i would like guidance.
The children have been assigned an OCL. Both my ex and i have had our first meeting wtih him and the children as far as i know only saw him once. Given when my children share with me, i am sure the OCL was in shock after speaking to the childre. I know my ex has told everyone incredibly horrific stories about me. For me, i tried to focus on the children but i did outline my ex's abuse and narcissistic tendancies to him also. I am certain that when the children met with him, they supported what i had been saying. I infer this because when CAS initially met with everyone, the intake worker indicated that the children, the counsellor report all supported my comments. This was told to me privately and so i am confident that the children continue to have strong feelings regarding their treatment at their fathers house. With regards to the OCL, the secretary just called me and wants to remeet everyone again because he has assigned a clinical investigator. What does that mean?
My ex has taken a new tack recently and insisting that i have alienated the children against him. The timing is odd and i wonder if his lawyer is insisting that that is happening and that is why they have been assigned. Can someone provide insight into OCL process and why a clinical investigator would be involved?
Im sure my post is convoluted and confusing. I apologize. The details of this case are insane and really unbelievable.
All i care about is my children. They are under stress and really afraid that their father will win "week about". He is constantly telling them that it will be that way because it is only "Fair" and they have no choice. He has told my children that i am a "psychotic bitch" among other things. I just dont know what to do anymore. I would like to tell him to keep his support money and just give me my children. I hate what they are living through.
Thank you for your time.
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