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  • #31
    Are you really yelling over something you wrote?

    All I'm saying is this "issue" is completely in your control. Ex is trying to use it against you, and you have the power to eliminate his case.

    When you say you email him everything, I say great and you should have nothing to worry about.

    When you say you email him most things or that he should be able to do it himself, I say be careful of creating unnecessary issues.

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    • #32
      Originally posted by Mom 2 Two View Post
      She doesn’t have the time to make the same phone call to dad. That’s when I send an email if it’s important information.
      I have some friends who are teachers. None of them seem to complain about having too much time at work. If they call a parent it is time directly taken out of their day, so they do not call anybody unless they think it is important.

      I would email ex every time a teacher called. It would probably take less than 30 seconds, a minute tops. Just be factual. This is information that he cannot by your definition get himself, so it is on you to provide it.

      "Teacher called to say that little Johnny was throwing pencils at girls in class again, and seems to have failed his most recent math test."

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      • #33
        Originally posted by Mom 2 Two View Post
        My kids school won’t do this. I have asked. The teacher calls me if there is an issue. She doesn’t have the time to make the same phone call to dad. That’s when I send an email if it’s important information.


        Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
        could you ask her to hold on and three way call dad in? I get that they don't have the time to go through the same thing over again...but it's pretty simple to call him in, no?

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        • #34
          Originally posted by iona6656 View Post
          could you ask her to hold on and three way call dad in? I get that they don't have the time to go through the same thing over again...but it's pretty simple to call him in, no?


          This is a great idea and I appreciate all the ideas. The phone call won’t work for ex as he is a mechanic. I would have to call his shop go through front desk and wait for him to get out from under a car. Or he could be on a test drive.

          Perhaps maybe recording the call would work? I wonder what apps I could find and then send him the recording?

          I am going to try to push for email communication again and explain why. Because that way she can just copy is both.


          Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

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          • #35
            I find it strange the teacher won’t email... it seems every school is going online now a days and even paying for pizza or whatever is being done online. If you get no where with the teacher maybe speak to the principal and stress the importance of Dad being involved in all communication. Surely you’re not the only divorced couple the school has had to deal with


            Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

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            • #36
              Originally posted by Berner_Faith View Post
              I find it strange the teacher won’t email...
              There is a reason we always suggest to people here that they get their ex to say stupid things in writing... so that we can use it against them later.

              Presumably teachers might be making the same calculation. If they put something in writing, it could be used against them later. Better to call.

              When I write to my ex, those letters take a long time to write, because I am very careful to make sure that nothing I say could ever be used against me, even if taken completely out of context. I cannot imagine having to write like that as part of my job, I would be pulling 90 hour weeks.

              The more I think about it, the more I'm surprised that my kid's teachers email me at all! They probably should not...

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              • #37
                I have a feeling that this is also a case of the ex finding something petty to use. Mostly because his case for sole and/or 50/50 is fading. Instead of being reasonable he is looking for everything possible to nitpick. Plus he is being egged on by his new partner who doesnt want his money going to anyone but her and her kids. This is such a stupid fight imo. I bet that for the most part, if the situation was that they were still married, he would not care what the School said and it would go in one ear and out the other. Why I think this is because mom 2 two has indicated that the ex didn’t care in the past but since he met his new partner who has kids and was being brought to court for not paying his cs, he suddenly cares. This is clearly as case of “my expenses have increased now that I share a home with another woman and her kids, Ill just go for 50/50 so I can save money”.

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                • #38
                  Originally posted by rockscan View Post
                  I have a feeling that this is also a case of the ex finding something petty to use. Mostly because his case for sole and/or 50/50 is fading. Instead of being reasonable he is looking for everything possible to nitpick. Plus he is being egged on by his new partner who doesnt want his money going to anyone but her and her kids. This is such a stupid fight imo. I bet that for the most part, if the situation was that they were still married, he would not care what the School said and it would go in one ear and out the other. Why I think this is because mom 2 two has indicated that the ex didn’t care in the past but since he met his new partner who has kids and was being brought to court for not paying his cs, he suddenly cares. This is clearly as case of “my expenses have increased now that I share a home with another woman and her kids, Ill just go for 50/50 so I can save money”.
                  I agree with your Rockscan. I also think 50/50 should be default from the get go, but to wait 5 years then all of a sudden ask for sole and/or 50/50 is making these kids go through the trauma all over again, just because he now has a partner to play Mom. He made his decision 5 years ago to walk away kid free, custody and access was mutually agreed too.

                  Although I do not agree somewhat with the saving $$$, he lives in another town, his gas alone would be a huge expense in getting these kids to their activities and school in their home town. Not to mention food, shelter and clothing.

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                  • #39
                    Originally posted by iona6656 View Post
                    Dad wants you jumping every time he asks for something.
                    ^ I have this same issue with my ex. She makes demands/feels she has some right to just snap her fingers at me. It's best to not give into this crap and just ignore it.

                    it does really look good on you to be sharing information but not necessary because of the father's basically harassing of you (similar to my ex) and it is actually up to the father himself to be in regular contact with the school and teachers to know what's going on in the school. You should just ask the school to keep the father informed of the same things you are informed of.

                    We have a clause in our agreement that each parent is responsible for obtaining their own information from 3rd parties..schools..etc. This might be something helpful to you.

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                    • #40
                      Tunnelight, are you in litigation or has your case settled? I think Mom 2 Two is nervous because she is in a custody battle before the courts and an OCL investigation.

                      Brilliant idea about your clause that each parent obtain their own information, I may borrow that from you.

                      Comment


                      • #41
                        Originally posted by rockscan View Post
                        I have a feeling that this is also a case of the ex finding something petty to use. Mostly because his case for sole and/or 50/50 is fading. Instead of being reasonable he is looking for everything possible to nitpick. Plus he is being egged on by his new partner who doesnt want his money going to anyone but her and her kids. This is such a stupid fight imo. I bet that for the most part, if the situation was that they were still married, he would not care what the School said and it would go in one ear and out the other. Why I think this is because mom 2 two has indicated that the ex didn’t care in the past but since he met his new partner who has kids and was being brought to court for not paying his cs, he suddenly cares. This is clearly as case of “my expenses have increased now that I share a home with another woman and her kids, Ill just go for 50/50 so I can save money”.


                        I love you!! Bingo. This is exactly what’s going on... and when the courts go away and dad goes to back to his usual uncaring self... the kids are the ones that suffer. They already see it now... actually they have always seen it... and stupidly I kept fighting to include him and he would be the dad they need.


                        Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

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                        • #42
                          Originally posted by tunnelight View Post
                          ^ I have this same issue with my ex. She makes demands/feels she has some right to just snap her fingers at me. It's best to not give into this crap and just ignore it.

                          it does really look good on you to be sharing information but not necessary because of the father's basically harassing of you (similar to my ex) and it is actually up to the father himself to be in regular contact with the school and teachers to know what's going on in the school. You should just ask the school to keep the father informed of the same things you are informed of.

                          We have a clause in our agreement that each parent is responsible for obtaining their own information from 3rd parties..schools..etc. This might be something helpful to you.


                          This is a great clause. When we get to the stage of an order I will definitely add this. Thank you!! I do feel I keep him informed. And when he asks for the same information I have already informed him on I ignore.

                          He asked about school progress . I sent progress reports two weeks ago...

                          So I’m not sure what else I can provide. He also asked for an update regarding our sons therapy yet I was ordered to give him consent to contact her (prior to this order he had met her once already and written emails to her). So again bogus claim he isn’t informed.

                          Thanks for the advice!! :-)


                          Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

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                          • #43
                            Originally posted by kate331 View Post
                            I agree with your Rockscan. I also think 50/50 should be default from the get go, but to wait 5 years then all of a sudden ask for sole and/or 50/50 is making these kids go through the trauma all over again, just because he now has a partner to play Mom. He made his decision 5 years ago to walk away kid free, custody and access was mutually agreed too.



                            Although I do not agree somewhat with the saving $$$, he lives in another town, his gas alone would be a huge expense in getting these kids to their activities and school in their home town. Not to mention food, shelter and clothing.


                            I love you too!! Glad you guys sees it my way... that is my biggest concern. Uprooting the kids and having them be retraumarized... they have never really recovered as dad is still causing them trauma. ;-(

                            Comment

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