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New Wives Love to Whine!

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  • #16
    What I was saying was in regards to my ex's new spouse......

    She sits on her chubby butt, collecting child support for her two children from her previous relationship, and yet when I ask her "new husband" to support his child....

    I am demonized, belittled and threatened for doing so. I am accused of being GREEDY, and GOLD DIGGING...."bleeding 'the wallet' dry... it goes on and on and on.

    She feels that HER two kids are being disregarded by the "system", because of her new husbands' financial obligations to his FIRST AND ONLY CHILD.

    Then 'they' get pregnant and attack me... the kid hasn't even been born yet. THEY made the decision to add to their family...so why should our child do with less for a decision that 'they' made?

    So I am money hungry and greedy, yet it is perfectly OK when she cashes the cheques that her ex husband provideds to HER in child support????

    So yeah... that was my rant. Take it for what it was... or don't.

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    • #17
      Understandable why you would feel put upon. But the fact is you weren't speaking to your scenario in your original post (at least not in your wording), you were speaking in generalizations (even if you were intending it to be a rant only to your ex's new wife). Any time you generalize like that you are going to anger a lot of people. You see the system is broken, and people on all sides of the fence have been demonized.

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      • #18
        I agree completely....this was one of my very first posts, and I have tried to change the demeanor of my posts as time passes. My blubbering at the time was emotionally charged.

        I realize my errors in making such inappropriate generalizations, and if my comments offended anyone, I apologize.

        My banter with billm was due to him and I disagreeing on many other issues/posts...

        I am only here to gain insight where I need it, and offer advice and assistance when I can.

        Comment


        • #19
          Thanks for the clarification, Representing. :-)

          Originally posted by first timer View Post
          I earn more than my husband. Is it fair that because I got an education and established a career long before I met him that I should have to give my earnings to his first wife who is not willing to earn an income of her own to provide for her own children and herself? Is that what feminism has come to in our society? Does this make me a whiney 2nd wife? Yes I knew my husband's history before I fell in love with him but unfortunately I did not interview his ex-wife to find out her history. If I had I would have found out that she does not take responsibility for anything in her life not the least for her own circumstances. It is always someone else's fault and responsibility to fix. We want to be treated equally in the eyes of society. For me this just means "I as the first wife want to equally take your 2nd wife's earnings as well as my ex husband's."
          Wow... so I see that I'm not the only one in this very frightening situation. I'm sorry to read that you're going through the same thing I am, first timer. And what's really frightening is that this senario you described: "I as the first wife want to equally take your 2nd wife's earnings as well as my ex husband's" seems somewhat plausible! What's even more frightening is that in my personal situation, there is no 1st or 2nd wife... *I* am my husband's first wife. His only obligation is to the child he unknowingly/unintentionally created one night in college. Yet the mother of his child thinks she is entitled to everything - my earnings included. (Not to mention running to me for advice/favours whenever she needs it, asking me to take care of the child when she will not and my husband cannot, etc.)

          And to clarify... I have absolutely NO problem with my husband paying a FAIR amount of child support as determined by the GUIDELINES and HIS actual income.

          What I am against is increasing his child support because *I* - his wife - earn an "above-average" income and am capable of supporting the both of us on my income (though barely, if we want to eat Mr. Noodles every meal of every day)... increasing his child support based on the salary of a job he obtained only a few days back without taking into consideration the 5-6 months he was unemployed during the long wait for his court date... and other such shananagans, if you know what I mean.

          From my personal experience... it seems some judges act so much "in the best interest of the child" that they forget that running the child's dad (or paying parent) into bankruptcy or homelessness is really NOT in the child's best interest.

          Just my 2 cents.

          And for the record... I'm not whining... I'm just trying to help my husband fight for what is fair and what is right. :-)
          Last edited by #1StepMom; 11-01-2009, 09:41 AM.

          Comment


          • #20
            Yup #1stepmom and First timer,

            It seems that the laws are skewed to benefit the custodial parents, not the children. I mean if the child has to sleep on the floor at dads, and has a nice big room at moms, it seems to me only the CP is benefitting here, not the child.

            I personally DO have a problem paying the guideline amount. WHY you ask? Because the guideline amount is just the start, it is too high to be a reasonable amount plus after paying the guideline amount PLUS extras, it is over 50% of most NCP's income. I don't think the amounts are at all reasonable for the NCP to be paying.

            Isn't there a saying that people should "pay themselves first" to try and save money, and the amount is usually given as "try to save 10% of your pay". Somehow, miraculously, they expect NCP's to suddenly live on 50% of their pay.

            And then when the child turns 18 he is expected to have "savings" in order to contribute to University AND keep paying CS to mom (in many cases). Aboslutely absurd, how in the last 18 years would ANY NCP be able to have saved money?!

            And if the CP needs CS to "maintain the home" when the kids are at college and visit on weekends and holdidays, shouldn't the NCP be paid as well, as he has been maintaining a home in the exact same manner (for visits and holidays) since the split up?! This to me makes it abundantly clear the money is more for the CP than the child. I know this isn't "politically correct" to say, but I am tired of NCP's getting the shaft in every way possible.

            As soon as more women become the NCP's and start paying CS, extras and SS based on the Guidelines, only then will you see the guidelines change to be more equitable to BOTH parents. Feminist organizations won't go for women being shafted like that.

            Comment


            • #21
              I forgot to add, sometimes the transfer of money makes the children "poor" at BOTH parents houses. The CP realizes that she's getting quite a bit of "free money" IF she keeps her income around 20K (in our case the CP got 12,000 in CS, plus 8000 in CCTB, plus 3000+ tax re-bate, plus we paid all the "special expenses" plus she had a free lawyer and kept at us.....etc. etc.) .

              I KNOW that some (not all, alot of CP's work very hard for their kids too!!) CP's do USE the system, and I have experienced it first hand. Her excuse for either not working, or only working PT was that she didn't want to lose her "benefits".

              Great, so now the kids are kept poor at moms AND at dads. And when we asked her to contribute to access costs etc. her respone "your new wife has a job, you guys can affors it) (Never mind that we had new-born twins and I was on maternity leave)!!!

              Yup, It makes me angry that some people think "second wives love to complain". Come trying living in our shoes, or visit the petition called "Canadian Child Support Guidelines are Unfair to Second Families". I guess all these people and families experiences profound injustices are just "whiners" too.

              Comment


              • #22
                In my situation, it is a 50/50 schedule, shared custody. Plus we do before and after school care when it is their mother's week. And we are still paying combined CS and SS for more than 2 years. She wants my husband to indemnify her from the taxes she will owe if he receives a retro-active order. No offer to compensate my husband for all the taxes he has had to pay in the last 2 years because he could not claim the spousal support he is paying. My husband is finally going to court since it is a waste of time to wait for his ex to want to negotiate anything besides what she is already getting. Our view is that anything has to better than what he has to pay right now. After taxes he gives his ex 45% of his yearly income all tax free, he is left with 25% to support his kids more than 50% of the time and to pay off the debt of his marriage. He has tried mediation, 6 offers to settle, 4 way meetings with lawyers, and still all he gets is emotional banter about how she feels. No choice but to fire the lawyer, self-represent and go to court. A case conference is scheduled for this week. Surprise, surprise her lawyer said its a waste of time because all we had to do was schedule a settlement conference however after a case conference motions can be filed, this is not so once a settlement conference has been held. We had a good laugh since all she wants to settle is that she hates my husband and he makes her life miserable because he wants to stop giving her the majority of his paycheque twice a month and wants her to take some responsibility for the debt of the marriage. She is so stressed she can't function in her daily life apparently. I will not write how I feel since I am sure most ppl on here already know.

                Comment

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