Posting anonymously on behalf of someone else:
Looking for some advice on how to deal with the ex creating conflict at pickup of the kids.
- We have an old outdated agreement that I am trying to get updated and she is refusing to agree to any changes, despite that our outdated agreement does not reflect the current arrangement.
- We share three kids 50-50, I pay full table CS (attempting to get this changed
- She insists on scheduling the kids into daycare Monday - Fridays despite me being off work Tues - Thursdays and our arrangement is (and has been for a number of years now) that I have the children on those days and am not working.
- She refuses to let me pick up the children the Monday evenings so I am forced to pick them up from the daycare provider in the morning, essentially intercepting the drop off to daycare.
- She is very vocal about me not being 'allowed' to pick up the children, or keep them out of daycare on those days because she chooses to schedule it and pay for it, despite knowing the kids are with me those days and I do not work during those days
- the last pick up where I had to intercept them before going into daycare she was absolutely argumentative, even in front of the children, offered to create a scene, and even spoke to the daycare people and told them I was not to remove the kids. I did take them with me, however by the time we got sorted out they were all in tears over the scene she made.
- the kids are now fearful that they will get in trouble and this is creating a lot of anxiety for them and are now saying they would rather stay at daycare
I am scheduled to pick them up tomorrow morning, the oldest was in tears at our last visit just before exchange when I reminded her I would be picking them up in the morning before daycare. I have tried not engaging with her, especially in front of the kids and the daycare workers and am very careful to record every exchange as her level of conflict-seeking is escalating. I try to engage only with the children during these times however she gets them very worked up and it is difficult to even speak with them with her there interfering with my attempts to engage them. She has made them feel that spending the time with me instead of "with friends at daycare" is a punishment and even apologizes to them that they are with me instead of there.
I just want to spend the time with my kids and they should not be in daycare when a parent is available - which she reminds me of frequently when she thinks I have other plans during my time with them or that perhaps my work schedule has changed (which it has not for many years).
How do I handle the exchange in the morning to minimize the conflict, and hopefully not have the children end up in tears again?
- We have an old outdated agreement that I am trying to get updated and she is refusing to agree to any changes, despite that our outdated agreement does not reflect the current arrangement.
- We share three kids 50-50, I pay full table CS (attempting to get this changed
- She insists on scheduling the kids into daycare Monday - Fridays despite me being off work Tues - Thursdays and our arrangement is (and has been for a number of years now) that I have the children on those days and am not working.
- She refuses to let me pick up the children the Monday evenings so I am forced to pick them up from the daycare provider in the morning, essentially intercepting the drop off to daycare.
- She is very vocal about me not being 'allowed' to pick up the children, or keep them out of daycare on those days because she chooses to schedule it and pay for it, despite knowing the kids are with me those days and I do not work during those days
- the last pick up where I had to intercept them before going into daycare she was absolutely argumentative, even in front of the children, offered to create a scene, and even spoke to the daycare people and told them I was not to remove the kids. I did take them with me, however by the time we got sorted out they were all in tears over the scene she made.
- the kids are now fearful that they will get in trouble and this is creating a lot of anxiety for them and are now saying they would rather stay at daycare
I am scheduled to pick them up tomorrow morning, the oldest was in tears at our last visit just before exchange when I reminded her I would be picking them up in the morning before daycare. I have tried not engaging with her, especially in front of the kids and the daycare workers and am very careful to record every exchange as her level of conflict-seeking is escalating. I try to engage only with the children during these times however she gets them very worked up and it is difficult to even speak with them with her there interfering with my attempts to engage them. She has made them feel that spending the time with me instead of "with friends at daycare" is a punishment and even apologizes to them that they are with me instead of there.
I just want to spend the time with my kids and they should not be in daycare when a parent is available - which she reminds me of frequently when she thinks I have other plans during my time with them or that perhaps my work schedule has changed (which it has not for many years).
How do I handle the exchange in the morning to minimize the conflict, and hopefully not have the children end up in tears again?
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