neglect

[tugofwar]

Its been an ongoing issue. Basic needs like sleeping, naps, eating, bathing, safety, cleaniness have always been an issue and were brought up in court.

The more recent events have caused me to be even more alarmed. Not attending to infections that were very clear is neglect.

And having a toddler tell you where their scraps, bruises etc came from is unacceptable. Especially when the other parent tried to hide it

[Mess]

As a divorced parent complaining or just reporting about the other parent, anything you say to the CAS will be treated with low priority.

Anything the child's doctor reports will be taken with high priority. If it were me I would speak to the doctor one-on-one and express my concerns about the pattern of infection. If you feel the doctor is not responsive (and some doctors will be more reluctant to report than others) consider changing doctors. At the same time, recognize that the doctor's opinion is a relatively unbiased benchmark.

As a parent, I am very sensitive to my children's health and what state they show up in when they arrive from my ex's. I am completely biased, I cannot deny that. If I had concerns, their doctor would be the one to make the report.

[firhill]

How do I get all documented proof? I only have responses that are lies.... its hard to think while treating and taking care of the child to run and get the camera to take pictures of their private spots etc.

Can you prove the responses are lies? If you intend to challenge them, you will need to.
Judge likely won't be to impressed if you go in front of the court with accusations/opinions alone.

As Mess and OhMy said, start with the child's M.D.

[Tayken]

Can you prove the responses are lies? If you intend to challenge them, you will need to.
Judge likely won't be to impressed if you go in front of the court with accusations/opinions alone.

As Mess and OhMy said, start with the child's M.D.

To further firhill's observations about what to consider.

The OP needs to consider if they are reacting to anxieties and/or fears and/or worries and if their is enough (or any) evidence based medicine to support their concern. If the family practitioner has seen the children and has not raised the concern then the point will be incredibly moot with CAS and the court.

In fact, if the statements of "belief" are just that and there is no cogent and relevant evidence and just emotion driving the allegations they could, should and will be used against the OP. Their own mental health and stability will come into question. Often, judges who have to hear matters similar will not hold words and identify that the parent making the unsubstantiated allegations is "paranoid". I have seen judges split the rhetoric/anxiety/worries/fears of an over anxious / over bearing and/or over bearing parent like butter with a warm knife with this statement.

Unless someone from the clinical community stands up and states that the related health conditions are directly related to parental care it is going to be a dangerous argument to make to the court or CAS.

Be very cautious with how you approach the subject matter. Your own parenting and anxieties which may be potentially driving your statements of belief (known as emotional reasoning) will come into question and be subject to judgement by a judge.

Good Luck!
Tayken

[tugofwar]

Those are all really good points, and that's why I am now sitting on the fence. How many more times will things happen during their parenting time then Telling a 3 year to keep secrets from mom is also unacceptable.
And yes their is a fear and anxieties when the child is not with me, what will be of the child when they return especially lately with the lies etc.
I just want change and know that it will not come easy, but ignoring signs of infection, dropping off the child without supper, bathing only once if even that ( and not always a full bath) dirty clothes etc is becoming a habit.
But its hard to pin point the problem as the other parent is very quick to give up their time with the child and drops off child to spend all day with elderly grandparents who dont see the concerns either

[NBDad]

I believe your only option would be to call CAS or speak with the child's doctor about your concerns. The family doctor also has a legal duty to report.

This X 10000000. If you suspect abuse/neglect, you document it. you take the kid to outpatients the second you get them back. Doctors are mandatory reporters. If they suspect abuse, neglect, they HAVE to report it. They can be removed from practicing if they do not.

dental work, glasses

Only if it's been determined to be "medically necessary". And not keeping appointments does not constitute neglect. Been there, done that, CAS will do nothing. If the kids teeth are visibly rotting out of his head, then you might have grounds to stand on. But not getting a cavity taken care of right away....not abuse.

[OhMy]

Tug,

I was doing some web surfing and came across this site Family Law Toronto :: Child Custody :: www.familylawtoronto.com

In my reading it made me think of your concerns and it reinforces the advice you got here by some posters. The section pertaining to you is as follows:

CHILD ABUSE
It has been said that the investigation of an abuse allegation is sometimes more harmful to the child than the alleged abuse itself. Regardless of whether this is true or not, if you believe your child has been abused, you have to take action. Some of the steps you should take are as follows:
o Write down everything your child has said. You may consider making a recording, but you must be careful not to be seen to lead the child. Just ask "What happened last night?" Try to get as many details as you can without leading the child or making the child feel uncomfortable although this might not be possible.
o Preserve any physical evidence.
o Consider what your child has told you as rationally as possible. Does it make sense?
o Take the child to his or her doctor as soon as possible. If this is not possible take the child to an emergency ward or walk-in clinic. If the doctor feels that something has happened he or she has an obligation to involve the Children's Aid. If possible, try not to be present when the doctor examines the child.
o In general, do not call the police first. Your first order of business should be having your child medically treated and having him or her speak with a trained social worker.
[This is not an exhaustive list and you should contact a professional as quickly as possible for more information.]

If you have a history of being "unreasonable," or if you have opposed or denied or interfered with access, or if you have made previously unfounded or unproven accusations to support your custody claim, then you may find your allegations of abuse to be viewed skeptically by the courts. If your history in the litigation process is one of being cooperative, focused on the child's needs and absent any rancour or bitterness toward the other spouse, then your accusation of abuse will have much more credibility with the court.

If you are an access parent and a false allegation of abuse has been made against you, you must prepare yourself for a great deal of stress. Your family law case will now assume overtones of a criminal investigation. It will be necessary to rigorously examine and test the evidence of your accuser. This will require out of court examinations and interviews with witnesses and experts. You can expect your access to be curtailed until the allegations have been dealt with.

[tugofwar]

This and a few other incidences were neglect from op to seek medical treatment of conditions that happened when the child was in their care. Abuse is not a factor here. But Neglect is and as I am learning quickly is very very hard to prove etc...