It's over (again)

[Kimberley]

After 2 hours of mediation I now have another final order on the day we had our case conference.

I'll spare everyone the long drawn out details, but in order to do what's best for the kids in the end, I took the 5 digit arrears he owes off the table.

While CS is of course the right of the kids, the time has already passed where he should have been helping raise the children financially and has not done so.

Considering that the 2 oldest children will be living with him effective July 1, and the 2 youngest will remain with me, the kids deserve to be cared for equally; being stubborn and being adamant that the arrears simply must be paid out will only hurt the 2 children that will be living with him.

My advice to parents that fight for money out of 'principal' is to really think about who it affects in the end. The bills were already paid, the kids fed, clothes on their back etc etc, so in the end, who would truly benefit from him spending years just trying to pay off arrears.

[WorkingDAD]

After 2 hours of mediation I now have another final order on the day we had our case conference.

I'll spare everyone the long drawn out details, but in order to do what's best for the kids in the end, I took the 5 digit arrears he owes off the table.

While CS is of course the right of the kids, the time has already passed where he should have been helping raise the children financially and has not done so.

Considering that the 2 oldest children will be living with him effective July 1, and the 2 youngest will remain with me, the kids deserve to be cared for equally; being stubborn and being adamant that the arrears simply must be paid out will only hurt the 2 children that will be living with him.

My advice to parents that fight for money out of 'principal' is to really think about who it affects in the end. The bills were already paid, the kids fed, clothes on their back etc etc, so in the end, who would truly benefit from him spending years just trying to pay off arrears.

it simple question who would truly benefit from it - lawyers

[Nadia]

I am glad you were able to reach a settlement. I agree with you about the arrears.

I faced something similar.

I did not receive child support until 2.5 years after we were legally seperated and by then divorced.

My son was a newborn (4 days old) when we seperated and I had another child of two and half years old. I had very little money, but relied on friends and yes, charity to see us through. It wasn't easy by any means. (If only I hadn't spent all my personal savings on that stupid wedding and honeymoon

By the time my ex-husband got around to paying child support my son was two and half years old. I never went after retroactive support. At that time it was far more important to reach a final agreement on access, custody, child support etc moving forward.

Sometimes the price of fighting for "every" principle is a lot more expensive then just letting go and moving on with your life.

Now, four years later, I still have to fight for extended healthcare benefits for the children and some minimum contribution to exceptional special section seven expenses.

But I wish I had a better job that paid (a lot) more, so I just wouldn't have to ask/beg.

[wretchedotis]

...and I would happily forego all CS to have my boy fulltime...

Just goes to show there are 2 sides to everything.

[Kimberley]

I gave up bothering for retro from Aug 2005 through to Aug 2008 where I received absolutely no CS for the 4 kids - never once did I refuse him access even when he would call me on a Sunday at 9am to ask to have them for the day with a 10am pickup, only for him to drop them off 90 minutes later claiming that there was "nothing to do".

I gave up a very large sum of arrears just to try to do what is best for the 4 kids even though it means that 2 of the children who I have been the primary caregiver for (I stayed at home with the kids from 1994 to 2004) will be moving to their Father's home because they want that opportunity.

I did everything possible to support myself & my children when the marriage was falling apart because I refused to have to live on spousal support - I did not want his money to support me.

In every single instance, I've given in every time to do what's best for the children when all he's ever fought was purely financial.

Today, all he cared about and was quite clear about it in mediation was
a) No CS arrears anymore
b) Withdraw from FRO
c) He better get the Child tax benefit starting in July for the 2 children he will have custody of and that they better base it on what he's claiming he made in 2010 ($8000) or he'll take me back to court to push for "lots of money" (all his statements)

I'm tired of the endless battles with him, I'm tired of his whining, I'm tired of him using the kids to bad-mouth me because he despises the fact that he has to "pay me money" that he tells the kids I spend all on myself (yeah, ok).

The system is beyond flawed, and it isn't just the Fathers who get the short end of the stick - more often than people seem to think, many Mothers get it too.

I wish you all the best... until next time that I have to deal with this crap all over again - I'm sure that after 6 years of court procedures and 2 final orders, there are bound to be many more.