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  • What do tell the kids

    For framing. My spouse served me with papers and it is ugly, no truth to it and to put it bluntly held children against their wishes.

    My child is worried about what is going to happen. They are around 11.
    What will happen on the current course is that we will both be just at or below the poverty line, break up of family and the house sold and a serious downgrade of living standard.

    The spouse tells them that the lawyers are figuring things out, not to worry. The kids will know that is a lie when reality hits.

    What can I tell them without bringing them into the litigation?
    What should I tell them to reduce their stress? Should just be shutting them out with the adults are taking care of things?

  • #2
    This is between mommy and daddy and we love you and will always be here for you. There may be some changes as a result of the divorce but that doesnt change how we feel about you or what we both want for you.

    You dont have to worry about anything, we are going to be ok.

    ——

    What would you say if either of you lost your job and had to sell the house? If you had to move for work? If someone died? Its not rocket science. Things happen. As long as the kids know they are loved they will be ok.

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by rockscan View Post
      This is between mommy and daddy and we love you and will always be here for you. There may be some changes as a result of the divorce but that doesnt change how we feel about you or what we both want for you.

      You dont have to worry about anything, we are going to be ok.
      I don't know that to be true at all. I do not think things will work out fine at all for either of us so it is hard for me to say. They trust me.
      ——
      Originally posted by rockscan View Post

      What would you say if either of you lost your job and had to sell the house? If you had to move for work? If someone died? Its not rocket science. Things happen. As long as the kids know they are loved they will be ok.
      Not the same things at all.

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by pinkHouses View Post
        I don't know that to be true at all [referring to things being ok]. I do not think things will work out fine at all for either of us so it is hard for me to say. They trust me.
        There is one message to tell your kids:

        "We still love you, that will never change. You will still have both of us in your lives. That will also never change".

        Adults care about material things. Kids sometimes appear to be materialistic, but at the end of the day they just really want to be loved.

        Unless you are about to starve to death, your financial worries are an adult problem. Also, if you are about to starve to death, you should seek help because in Canada we simply do not allow that to happen and something has gone horribly wrong.

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by pinkHouses View Post
          My child is worried about what is going to happen. They are around 11. What will happen on the current course is that we will both be just at or below the poverty line, break up of family and the house sold and a serious downgrade of living standard.
          hold on a sec, what poverty line?!! You guys are selling a house....if that's a poverty line than what about fathers living in RVs to pay SS and CS to a "princess"

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          • #6
            Just be honest in an age appropriate way. My kids were about that age, 11 and 13, my oldest wanted to know details and I just said over and over, those are adult problems that adults will figure out. I was fortunate that I was pretty sure I wouldnt move, so I told them what would stay the same.
            Give reassurance such as loved and will keep things the same as much as possible, but if there are things you dont know yet, like if you have to move then be honest that you are not sure yet. If you know you will have to move. then say you will move and you will let them know in advance so its not a surprise. At 11 they are going to want to know if have to move, change schools, any of the bigger things that affect their day to day life, and they will want to know who they are going to live with. The whole process of selling your house and figuring out the financials can take months to years. in our case, it was about 18 months from time of separation until I took over mortgage of the house

            Comment


            • #7
              https://www.justice.gc.ca/eng/rp-pr/...book-livre.pdf


              this is a good reference for kids and divorce, written for kids form the government of canada

              Comment


              • #8
                kids nowadays are quite 'divorce savy' thanks to the media. Divorce is likely a quite common thing with your kids' friends.

                As others have reiterated, reassurance is important.

                If you are at a speaking - rational point with your ex, you might be able to talk to her about some common ground, including family dinners in a favorite restaurant or other activity? This sort of discussion, initiated by you, will only make you look good in the eyes of the court in the future. Therefore, make sure your overture is in writing and carefully penned. People on here can give you tips. This may seem silly to you now but down the road these sort of things can be very important.

                Comment

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