Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Stopping Spousal Support

Collapse
This topic is closed.
X
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • #16
    My ex takes me to court several times a year trying to get SS eliminated so maybe I can help. A few things to note:

    Agree with Shellshocked - GET A GOOD LAWYER. My ex pretty much self-represented and he imploded at court every single time.

    If you become too confrontational your ex will not submit financial information. They will think of every excuse in the book to reschedule, delay and delay again. Then you are screwed, blued and tattooed as they say. We have been chasing my ex around for several years for financial disclosure. No fun whatsoever.

    Agree with previous posters in that it isn't cut and dried. I am with the understanding that SS is supposed to equal out the standard of living. What a normal trend is to have a graduated scale of inputed income for your ex (year 1 - 15,000.00; year 2 - 20,000.00, etc. with a review of SS after year 5) - just as an example. Some long-term marriages do not have inputed income. All depends on the ages and other circumstances. Best thing is to get yourself informed of all SS decisions made in your province over the past 4 or 5 years.

    I loved it when my ex refused to pay SS. It took 10 minutes in court to get his salary garnisheed and it forever made him look like a total loser. Be very, very careful as there are lots and lots of dead beats out there that the judges love to throw the book at.

    Keep a cool head and get a good lawyer. "Good" meaning someone who knows family law and is respectful to your ex, her lawyer and most importantly, the judge.

    Comment


    • #17
      Originally posted by momforever1956 View Post
      I am truly not wanting to be difficult, but the information you provide from one post to another is not consistent and therefore how can one respond with guidance.
      First you say she earns 40k a year to your 80k, then you go on to say she is taking home 5.4k a month to your 2.8k.
      The math doesnt add.

      Her living mortgage free or her cars paid off due to you buying her out of your pension is a division of property issue not to be confused with SS.
      I would suggest that you stopping SS would not be viewed in a very positive light.
      You say your lawyer is working on her income statement and then you say it hasnt been received from her lawyer. I understand you are frustrated but the facts have to be clear for someone to respond in a helpful way.
      The 5.4k is her combined income with my CS & SS with her wages. The remaining income for myself is listed.

      Comment


      • #18
        Arabian: I have been very cool with her. I can't deal with her. For lack of better words: She's nuts! I haven't left her high and dry. I gave her everything she wanted, thru the marriage & at the end of it. I screwed up on my own behalf not immediately getting legal representation. I regret that but now have to live with it. My lawyer has been good but I'm still waiting to finalize this eith lots I'd frustration while researching and posting question and getting answers I like and dislike. That's life! I realize cutting her off now with SS will somehow bite me in the ass or maybe not. I don't know. None of our business has passed thru the courts yet. It's two lawyers looking at tables and charts basing ing numbers of the past years incomes. She will never agree to an end date so how does this get put into place. She's 44 like myself. Kids are just about done school and she works full time just as I do. I've been cooperative and done the right thing but I'm getting screwed in the end. The ol'saying goes "nice guys finish last" I really appreciate all the advice I'm getting wether I like it or not. I'm definitely making notes to discuss with my lawyer when I finally talk to him. I'm just looking to move forward live my life.

        Comment


        • #19
          Spousal Support

          You and your former spouse can set up your own spousal support agreement out of court. Before you do so, it is strongly recommended that you seek legal advice because spousal support is a very complex issue and can be affected by many different factors. Just because a spouse is in a financially weaker position does not mean he or she is automatically entitled to support.


          Spousel support is supposed to be a safety net for spouses until they can stand on their own two feet.Unless age is a factor,it isnt in your exes case.Your ex is self sufficient.It isnt a safety net for her in her situation.Please check out other lawyers and Arabian is very right about keeping your ex sweet to get her financial information.If she does start stonewalling ,things could get very expensive and she could quit her job in order to manipulate her income .Being fair and decent is a rarity but just because you are playing by the rules doesn't mean she will.The only real thing you can do is push to get a new agreement as fast as possible.Probably paying SS until that is settled could cost you less in the long run.Was reading back over your posts -your ex is taking less hours to drop her income?.That's great for you.If you had a joint bank account get all those statements printed out.Judges have a tendency to really hate deadbeats.You paying and her dropping her income to hit you up for more money is NOT going to work in her favour.You keep playing by the rules and get enough paperwork to show her intention and it should work in your favour.

          Comment


          • #20
            Baffled Dad: Your stbx is very young and in my opinion it would be unlikely that you would pay her SS beyond a set amount of time. She is able to work and partially support herself while continuing her mother-duties (for lack of better words). Things work differently there in Ontario than in Alberta in that we have other legal processes which are used to settle things. This is something that I would talk over with your lawyer: make a bonafide offer to settle. At the same time have your lawyer book a trial date. Tell your lawyer that you will make an offer one time only and will not get into the 4 way meetings/settlement conferences or whatever you call them, that seem to be the norm out there. I think that once your lawyer knows you are serious and you aren't going to play the game that maybe you can get through this quickly. If your wife is unreasonable then I would definitely not communicate with her.

            You will not be paying for ever and ever. You would do yourself a favor by looking at this as an equalization process rather than a "I'm getting screwed" process. If you made less money than her she would have to pay you. Do your homework and get up to speed on recent SS litigation. You might pay considerably less than you think you have to as she does work and is quite young. She doesn't reach the "rule of 65" threshold which is commonly used, on combination with other factors, to measure indefinite SS. Age + yrs together.

            Basically you make an offer. She disagrees go to trial - end of discussion. Don't let your lawyer draw you into useless 4 way meetings where nothing gets agreed. You can accomplish the same via letters. Just my opinion.

            Comment


            • #21
              19 years is considered a "long" marriage, and given her age she is one year short of the "rule of 65". If her age and the years of marriage add up to 65, then spousal support is often indefinate.

              At this point I'd suggest most strongly you don't count on getting out of this with a short period of support. You should be making the strongest arguments you can, look at her skills, education and work experience, research her job category, find evidence that she will have secure employment at an excellent wage, and gather examples of job listings. Get factual proof to back all this up. Show that her career didn't suffer during the marriage. Hopefully show that she benefitted from equalization sufficiently and isn't owed any compensatory support; she has a fair share of assets accumulated during the marriage. Cover all your bases.

              Comment


              • #22
                Again, thanks for all the advice. There are so many angles to cover let alone try and educate myself on all this BS litigation. The brain gets rattled pretty good trying to cross all the T's and dot the I's. I've been definitely keeping notes on all the great info you all have provided here. I finally got a call from my lawyers office to come in this Friday to discuss the separation/divorce agreement to finalize it to present it back to her and her lawyer. I still think Its going to end up in front of a judge which I think is probably a good idea on my behalf. I can't wait to discuss what I've learned here.

                Comment


                • #23
                  What is compensatory support? She lived a good life all the way thru and ended up with more than half the assets. That I can prove.

                  Comment


                  • #24
                    As per compensatory support,in many cases a woman stays at home being a homemaker to the detriment of her career .After a long time it is nearly impossible to re-enter the workplace.Often employers would prefer not hire women in their 50s and 60s who have been out of the workforce for what could be 30yrs.When the marriage dissolves the husband can go to work and carry on life as normal but these women have to get training to function in the more basic jobs due to ever evolving technology.Without training they simply may not ever get a job.Funny thing is ..many spouses demanded that their wives stay at home for years to be the traditional mother/housewife.

                    When things sour these spouses do need help ,and some need lifetime support because at retirement age they cannot work to support themselves.So yes some spouses do require compensatory support as they gave up their career to further their husbands.(This is just a broad sweep, and yes some men stay at home and no Im not tarring everyone with the same brush,my apologies to anyones hurt feelings)

                    Comment


                    • #25
                      Originally posted by murphyslaw View Post
                      As per compensatory support,in many cases a woman stays at home being a homemaker to the detriment of her career .After a long time it is nearly impossible to re-enter the workplace.Often employers would prefer not hire women in their 50s and 60s who have been out of the workforce for what could be 30yrs.When the marriage dissolves the husband can go to work and carry on life as normal but these women have to get training to function in the more basic jobs due to ever evolving technology.Without training they simply may not ever get a job.Funny thing is ..many spouses demanded that their wives stay at home for years to be the traditional mother/housewife.

                      When things sour these spouses do need help ,and some need lifetime support because at retirement age they cannot work to support themselves.So yes some spouses do require compensatory support as they gave up their career to further their husbands.(This is just a broad sweep, and yes some men stay
                      at home and no Im not tarring everyone with the same brush,my apologies to
                      anyones hurt feelings)
                      I can understand that. My ex is and was working so it doesn't affect me this way. I never forced my ex into staying home. The children do need a parent full time at a very young age. If it's possible financially for a mother to stay home and of course agreeable than fine. I realize some mothers have very important careers and again, that too is understandable. Most mothers now a days end up back to work when the kids hit school full time. I personally think it's wise b/c you never know what the future holds.

                      Comment


                      • #26
                        I was married almost 30 years. I was the major breadwinner. I don't give him any money. I did for about 3 months then when he took a vacation to Florida for 9 days I cut it off. Haven't given him a penny since. I am not vacationing! He cries about having no money all the time. Screw that. He has his own business .... can scrounge up $10,000 to put a new motor in his Porsche .... he does not need my support!

                        Comment


                        • #27
                          Originally posted by Sax View Post
                          I was married almost 30 years. I was the major breadwinner. I don't give him any money. I did for about 3 months then when he took a vacation to Florida for 9 days I cut it off. Haven't given him a penny since. I am not vacationing! He cries about having no money all the time. Screw that. He has his own business .... can scrounge up $10,000 to put a new motor in his Porsche .... he does not need my support!
                          Clean breaks are good, but your reasoning is not.

                          You are lucky that he does not take you to court given the current thinking about SS and 30 year marriages.

                          Though I think there is gender bias when it comes to SS and that would play in your favour.

                          Personally I only believe in compensatory SS (sharing income to account for damage to career as a result of the marriage).

                          Comment


                          • #28
                            No offense but I think there is a thread somewhere on this site where woman do get preferential treatment. It is gender bias though. I wish I could drive a porche and collect SS too. It doesn't sound like either one of u is hurting.

                            Comment


                            • #29
                              Originally posted by Mess View Post
                              19 years is considered a "long" marriage, and given her age she is one year short of the "rule of 65". If her age and the years of marriage add up to 65, then spousal support is often indefinate.

                              At this point I'd suggest most strongly you don't count on getting out of this with a short period of support. You should be making the strongest arguments you can, look at her skills, education and work experience, research her job category, find evidence that she will have secure employment at an excellent wage, and gather examples of job listings. Get factual proof to back all this up. Show that her career didn't suffer during the marriage. Hopefully show that she benefitted from equalization sufficiently and isn't owed any compensatory support; she has a fair share of assets accumulated during the marriage. Cover all your bases.
                              Mess: we wre both 42 at the time of separation and almost 19 years together. Thats 61 years.

                              Comment


                              • #30
                                You would fall under upper range of medium length marriage I believe. You are both relatively young. Lots of factors to consider and if your ex isn't having to pay rent somewhere that can make a huge difference believe it or not.

                                Mess is right about proving he ability to support herself. Show she isn't too old to resume a satisfying and rewarding career. Actually I'd focus on that.

                                Comment

                                Our Divorce Forums
                                Forums dedicated to helping people all across Canada get through the separation and divorce process, with discussions about legal issues, parenting issues, financial issues and more.
                                Working...
                                X