Ottawa Divorce .com Forums


User CP

New posts

Advertising

  Ottawa Divorce .com Forums > Main Category > Divorce & Family Law

Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools
  #1  
Old 08-23-2011, 12:08 AM
ddol1 ddol1 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Kingston, ON
Posts: 968
ddol1 is on a distinguished road
Default the voice recorder - do i tell her???

I am following what I think is good sound advice - I just bought one of those voice recorders and I noticed it beeps with every button push. The right thing to do??

- Tell the stbx i have this personal recording device and it will be used to record our interactions?

- am I better off to not to say a word and just leave the thing running the four hours every night and oops, we still arre sleeping in the same room so that might mean just leave the thing running - just in case anyway? (I did notice it has a power take off for ac power supply so an overnight record won't kill the batteries!

Related to the above: May be the Bigger or the Biggest issue???
(this part is a tad long - could go into the children section but...)

I had taken my youngest (actually she wanted my car and i couldn't let her - as I had to get out and get this darned recording device!) So my daughter and her friend hopped into the car. Off to the mall while i drove off and hunted for the recorder - time ran out and i had to pick them up. I stopped at the Future Shop down the road and told them to stay in the car - i would be 8 minutes - 10 Max! So with this thing in my hand, standing behind me as the fellow described the different ones my daugther says "why are you buying that???" Geeze - I thought.... what ever happened to wait in the car???

I do have the honest policy (no way out of this one anyway - there is absolutely no reason i would otherwise need one in my life at this time) So I explained it to her. The truth - and (answering her first question "right out of the box" - it wasn't for spying on mom........ it is a protection for me just in case things get out of hand and mom did an unconscionable thing and yelled "wolf" - being the threat of hurting her - or saying that i did or might or any other version that would cause me and us a ton of grief and even morre money for Lawyers..... I told her the scoop about recordings - what is legal and not and a tape can't be used against her in a malice type of way (for the reason of being able to doctor any recording or setting up the other person to egg him/her on to do the wrong thing and then be caught on"tape".

New problem - I talked about this with her for a good while in the car and a little bit more at home. She is near 18 years old. Her words - "I am not letting you, or helping you "SSPY" on Mom!" I really do not think the truth really sunk in. She questioned the whole validity and even "the people on some divorce site" - she really did not believe in any mom doing that to a dad even if people on some divorce site writes things like that!

I admit - I was running out of time - the car with mom in it just pulled up to the house. I asked her nicely to as a favour to dad, to just not say anythiing. "Tension" and more is going through the roof right now in our house. I am worried it will escalate a thousand times - I did not expect you to come into the store - you did and that is done. Life in this house is getting worse by the day and this is not supposed to get like this but it does for lots of couples and sadly it is here too - and I can't help that.
  #2  
Old 08-23-2011, 12:41 AM
Rioe's Avatar
Rioe Rioe is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Ontario
Posts: 3,343
Rioe will become famous soon enough
Default

Read the manual; there is probably a way to turn off the beeping.

Other observations: OMG stop sleeping in the same room!

And I have no idea how you can put that cat back in the bag with regards to your daughter. Your ex is going to find out you have it, so you may as well go with your honesty policy, and tell her you are recording your conversations so that you can remember them better later. Then you're using the thing as a deterrent rather than a protection.
  #3  
Old 08-23-2011, 02:05 AM
ddol1 ddol1 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Kingston, ON
Posts: 968
ddol1 is on a distinguished road
Default

Actually have had a real super tough last couple of days - started with her draining the joint pay the bills account and then today...... never stopped and then i drove accross town - i really do not do that too much anymore - to much of a drain on the limited energy store at the moment - divorce is has and well I am near drained and it is still at the onset of the divorce wars...... but

I had the flyer opened - I crashed (sleep with zero warning - i crash often - one of the reasons i am well on disability! Couldn't even get the darned date done! three hours later - woke up - got the date done and went up, down, over and thru - no beep turn off provision provided on this one.... not that it was a cheap unit - is a Sanyo model but beep it must! That or it goes back to Future Shop to see if they have a beepless model (and I even told the dude that helped me what it was for - but they do not know everything of what they sell.....)


the room!

Gosh I wish I had options - but I have up to now been willing to take the short end of it when things are hot, or better "when I am hot" and I WANT to be in another country as far, far awaay as I can dream - in the BEST drream i ever dreampt!


Serious - in past post. My story has move provinces, downsize house because STBX refused to take the responsability of providing for HER family and $12 an hour will not feed 5 adults. (I have been fighting the bad part of a serious injury half my life - finally broke down and been on CPP disability since 2003) Downsize - this is half the house of previous. Then I grabbed the oportunity of a lifetime and made a spot for my "runaway - from her good life and loving family" - daughter, who left the house in grade 11 and five years ago my son gave up his room. (She graduated the nursing program last month with honours! and short of her liscencing exam is now an employed RPN.


So we have five adults here in three rooms, my son has the basement and the house is an open concept design (so there is no free room like a seperate dinning room or similar). Our bed - divided by a set of rolled up towels (as I always like to point out - makes for an excellent prop for my back [8 surgeries date - with one huge operation 94% probability sometime before I die...... this will in effect have the majority of my lower spine destroyed to free up to many damaged nerves to count and a metal cage built around it]. Back to sleeping - advantage me! I have twenty years practtice zoning out as a pain management technique...... my chronic pain can and does bring me to my knees and far too often to tears but every day I get up and I make it a wonderful day! Often the plan hits the wastebin by 9am but my strategy never changes - I have a chance that i will have a great day tomorrow! Sorry - off track....... back on topic!


Sleep - I have a spot set up on the landing in the garage with a tall railing that i prop myself up on and stretch out and relieve the pressure and I have spent eons there - i set up a "desk" with a series of platforms and shelves, a table lamp, electricity, my laptop, phone, a gas heater when it gets cold in there, filling boxes for my divorce work! and more - this place is nicknamed my "Command Center!" I can and do sleep standing up propped up and wedged in and i can get my best sleeps there - it is also the place i go when i am in the "worst" pain wise.


Next is in the livingroom sitting on the automan - watching the boob tube or spending time on the laptop - and i get a few powernaps in along the way. Finnally when I am ready i have my bedroom setup - really my head space is my own and even when i am hot in the head it does not bother me one tid bit having her on the other side - our marriage had issues for a very long - I had asked her to get help - personal (part to dealing with the hardships of disability, a husband with) and couples.... as part of gathering the divorce paperwork i was surprized to see a note I wrote about getting marriage councilling while we still lived in Calgary maybe 6 or 7 years ago! But marriage issues - last time we had "marital relations" under the covers was what 5 years ago....... patience or stupidity on my part? Maybe it was the "trapped syndrome" (I get 900 a month on CPP disability - and then there was the kids.......)

So sleeping - I have the towels, my heating pad which I have learned to use most every night as i sleep to loosen things up and i get a few hours sleep, my mini dvd player i use to get my miind off pain and focus on the screen - often not even taking in the movie - just a zoning technique and I am in my happy personal head space world that she has no ability to enter - I will not allow it. So I look at it - i need the orthopedic bed more than her - she can go sleep in the shed for all i care! (Bonus to me - and the dvd screen light "flashes" drives her nuts! :-)))))))

A long post but this really helps me keep my headspace in perspective - I am in control and she again can not even bother to go knocking because I am not availble to respond at this time!
  #4  
Old 08-23-2011, 11:05 AM
NBDad's Avatar
NBDad NBDad is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: New Brunswick
Posts: 2,734
NBDad is on a distinguished road
Default

Yeah, the sleeping in the same bed thing has to stop. You CANNOT be considered legally "separated" if you are still sharing a bed.

Re: Joint account.

Close those YESTERDAY. Get your own account, your $$ goes in that account, pay YOUR bills out of it.

Kill the cable, internet, etc. Downgrade the phone to minimum available.
Stop paying anything for HER cell phones, bills etc. Shop for food for you and the kids, bonus points if it's stuff SHE doesn't like.

Get her OFF your car insurance and get your own.

And for the love of God, DO NOT tell her about the recorder.
  #5  
Old 08-23-2011, 11:22 AM
billm's Avatar
billm billm is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 2,431
billm is on a distinguished road
Default

Is all fair in love and war?

Not very honourable to not tell her that you are recording your conversations given that you living in the same house. Record while you are sharing a bed? - that's just wrong.

The 'right' thing do to is to tell her.
  #6  
Old 08-23-2011, 12:57 PM
Tayken's Avatar
Tayken Tayken is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 6,842
Tayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant future
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by NBDad View Post
Yeah, the sleeping in the same bed thing has to stop. You CANNOT be considered legally "separated" if you are still sharing a bed.

Re: Joint account.

Close those YESTERDAY. Get your own account, your $$ goes in that account, pay YOUR bills out of it.

Kill the cable, internet, etc. Downgrade the phone to minimum available.
Stop paying anything for HER cell phones, bills etc. Shop for food for you and the kids, bonus points if it's stuff SHE doesn't like.

Get her OFF your car insurance and get your own.

And for the love of God, DO NOT tell her about the recorder.
Do not reveal the recording device. It should only be used in the event the police show up for any reason and they try to arrest you. Other than that it holds little value other than helping you keep your story straight.

Tayken
  #7  
Old 08-23-2011, 01:33 PM
Pursuinghappiness Pursuinghappiness is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 2,819
Pursuinghappiness will become famous soon enough
Default

While I don't disagree with the idea of having a recording device, I have a major issue with a couple other points in your post.

First of all...why on earth would you be sleeping in the same room if you're concerned about your safety and well being at this point? That's just odd. Find somewhere else to sleep.

Second of all...why are you involving your child (18 years old, she's still a child) in your adult issues? Kids do need to know the truth about their parents divorcing but only in the most general of terms as possible. To suggest to your child that you're taping her mother against false accusations, etc, etc...mentioning this forum, etc, etc...and they actually suggesting that she lie about it to her mother (omission is lying) is outrageous, in my opinion.

You have done real damage there...not only to yourself because I'm sure she came out of that conversation suspicious of you and your motives...but also to her. Your role as a parent in a divorce is to try to maintain as much stability and neutrality as possible. Your problems with your stbx wife are just that...YOUR PROBLEMS....you should be striving at every opportunity to leave the kids alone..they're going through enough. They don't need to brush up on the admissability of recorded conversations in court..that's bullsh*t. Spare me the "I was being honest" crap. You were involving her in a way that is not ok. You really, really need to cut that crap out going forward. I actually felt sorry for your daughter reading that story because I'm fairly sure you just don't get how inappropriate that whole conversation was. For one moment, stop thinking about yourself and your court case and think about your kid. Then do the right thing from now on and leave her out of your mess as much as you possibly can.
  #8  
Old 08-23-2011, 03:44 PM
dinkyface dinkyface is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,476
dinkyface will become famous soon enough
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by NBDad View Post
... Downgrade the phone to minimum available.
Perhaps best to keep the long distance plan. otherwise, any long distance calls will be VERY expensive! (and I don't think you can block/prevent them). From personal experience with Bell home phone.
  #9  
Old 08-23-2011, 04:19 PM
wretchedotis's Avatar
wretchedotis wretchedotis is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: ON
Posts: 2,317
wretchedotis is on a distinguished road
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by dinkyface View Post
Perhaps best to keep the long distance plan. otherwise, any long distance calls will be VERY expensive! (and I don't think you can block/prevent them). From personal experience with Bell home phone.
Thats using the old noodle!
Would suck to get a thousand dollar bill with a million random calls to zimbabwe on it.
  #10  
Old 08-23-2011, 06:34 PM
Tayken's Avatar
Tayken Tayken is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 6,842
Tayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant future
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pursuinghappiness View Post
While I don't disagree with the idea of having a recording device, I have a major issue with a couple other points in your post.

First of all...why on earth would you be sleeping in the same room if you're concerned about your safety and well being at this point? That's just odd. Find somewhere else to sleep.

Second of all...why are you involving your child (18 years old, she's still a child) in your adult issues? Kids do need to know the truth about their parents divorcing but only in the most general of terms as possible. To suggest to your child that you're taping her mother against false accusations, etc, etc...mentioning this forum, etc, etc...and they actually suggesting that she lie about it to her mother (omission is lying) is outrageous, in my opinion.

You have done real damage there...not only to yourself because I'm sure she came out of that conversation suspicious of you and your motives...but also to her. Your role as a parent in a divorce is to try to maintain as much stability and neutrality as possible. Your problems with your stbx wife are just that...YOUR PROBLEMS....you should be striving at every opportunity to leave the kids alone..they're going through enough. They don't need to brush up on the admissability of recorded conversations in court..that's bullsh*t. Spare me the "I was being honest" crap. You were involving her in a way that is not ok. You really, really need to cut that crap out going forward. I actually felt sorry for your daughter reading that story because I'm fairly sure you just don't get how inappropriate that whole conversation was. For one moment, stop thinking about yourself and your court case and think about your kid. Then do the right thing from now on and leave her out of your mess as much as you possibly can.
I totally agree! No other comments to add.
Closed Thread


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
witnesses at a divorce trial dumbfounded666 Divorce & Family Law 8 10-28-2011 03:17 PM
Nasty voice message from ex melee Parenting Issues 9 01-20-2010 11:16 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 11:52 AM.