Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Picking Your Battles...

Collapse
This topic is closed.
X
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Picking Your Battles...

    There have been a few posts on this forum, were the OP is told to pick their battles. I can't agree more with this advice, something so small is not worth the hassle just to not give the ex what he/she wants...

    My example for today... on Friday my bf received a text from his stbx saying she was in another car accident (second in 2 years)... luckily the children were not with her and she was okay.. the problem was, I was to meet her today to pick up the children at 1:30... however, she was unsure if the van was a right off or not and would not know more until Saturday (yesterday)...

    Yesterday while I was at work, I received a text from her, asking if I was able to pick up the children at her place, as the van was a write off and she could not get a rental until Monday... my first initial thought was no... because two months ago when we had to have new brakes put on our van, she was unwilling to come and pick up the children from our place and said we had to find away to meet her... however, we all know you get more bees with honey.

    Before I had a chance to write her back, she phoned me... obviously upset and embarrassed by what had happened, she tried to plead with me about picking up the children... I had already made up my mind that of course we would pick them up... lets face it, we never give up a chance to spend with them...

    She offered me gas money, offered to do the next 2 exchanges, offered to not cash his next CS cheque.... now some people may have taken any of those offers, but really, none of them had any merit to me, I was just excited to have the kids for a week... I told her to relax, its unfortunate what happen, but I was glad she was okay. I said we would pick the children up later tonight as apposed to this afternoon, and no, I/we didn't expect any of what she offered.

    There was a pause, and then she Thanked me... she thanked me for being so understanding, she thanked me for not freaking out and she thanked me for being so awesome to her kids... to me, there was no thanks necessary...its just the type of person I am... she is still their mother and it is going to be a lifetime of us dealing with her, why not do so has civil as possible?

    I just hope this is a step in the direction that eventually any hostility she has towards me and my bf, will diminish and together we can all provide the children with the best possible...

    I just wanted to share a positive story, as we are often told of the negatives...

    Happy Sunday All!

  • #2
    Good for you... if only more were like that....

    Comment


    • #3
      Everyone has good day from time to time, I'm sure she'll be back to normal soon.

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by Mess View Post
        Everyone has good day from time to time, I'm sure she'll be back to normal soon.
        Ha ha...unfortunately you are most likely right... but we all have to hope every once in a while

        Comment


        • #5
          Thank you for sharing Berner_Faith, it's truly wonderful to hear the good stories
          Hopefully perhaps by displaying gratitude the way she did, maybe just maybe she's willing to be more courteous from now on. There's always hope.

          Comment


          • #6
            BF_thanks for sharing...I agree-easier to attract flies with honey. Whenever possible I put things into perspective for my ex as to how the conversation will benefit him...it's a great way to start and I usually get less contention when I do that.

            Comment


            • #7
              Maybe the crash rattled something into place in her brain.

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by Rioe View Post
                Maybe the crash rattled something into place in her brain.
                Maybe not far from the truth. Sometimes a serious accident can make you realize just how petty all the petty stuff is.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Good thing you took the high road... And yes maybe the crash might have stirred up some thoughts and feelings. That was pretty big and nice of her to thank you with explanations, must have made you feel alittle good inside. Alot of people would have just insisted you do the pick up and never send a thanks.
                  I tried to be the bigger person today after informing my ex of our little ones sickness ( Childs first experience with vomitting) it took 5hours to respond to my text and then became a way for them to get off topic) I choose to ignore, one of the reasons I hate sending texts or emails
                  I just thought if it was reversed, that was something I hope they would have shared with me..

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Mess View Post
                    Everyone has good day from time to time, I'm sure she'll be back to normal soon.

                    LOL! Too Funny.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      I've taken the high road plenty of times. With no appreciation and still I get bad-mouthed by the ex and his (diminished capacity, lol) wife. But I don't care anymore - b/c I do it to impress upon my Son that it's the best way to be. I do not need or seek the ex's recognition. I really don't care one bit what he/they say or think. I care about what my son thinks/sees, and what he "sees" is clear - yes, he's made his very own observations on the shallow behavior and general bs, that he sees/hears at the fathers. PRICELESS.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Berner_Faith View Post
                        There have been a few posts on this forum, were the OP is told to pick their battles. I can't agree more with this advice, something so small is not worth the hassle just to not give the ex what he/she wants...
                        Thanks for sharing your positive experience, but such experience will stay only in my wildest fantasies. And will have to disagree with the above quote.

                        I did just that. Always tried to smooth things out, give in to stupid requests etc. All that in hope that I will continue a relationship with my daughter without conflicts and that eventually my daughter will see for herself. To make a long story short, instead of smoother ride, it became expected of me to do as she wished. In time my daughter grew up, and instead of realizing that I am always there for her no matter what, realized that she could treat me just like her mother. Why not? It worked for her mom right? So now its their way or the highway. God forbid I ever say something, let alone not do something that they want.... So I end up on the HWY : |

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          JB-how Old is your daughter? Could it just be normal teen attitude ?

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            May may- she is 15 now, but this attitude is going on for 8 years now since she was 7. Pre-teen, teen or post teen, there seems to be no end to this in sight. Of coarse I understand that it all manifested itself (the attitude) so early, because the mother did not discourage it. But it looks like she would rather go on without seeing me for years than listen to me and respect me. Thats all I ask. Also, she does not allow same "teenage" attitude towards her mother because her mother will eat her alive if she ever treated her that way. But its ok for a dad who has no voice to them what so ever ; (

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              JB-I have the same thing. Our eldest son who is 13 can be sarcastic, rude, and non-communicative with me...never with dad. I have started counseling with him, and got some great advice the past week in how to respond to it. I will gladly share if anyone wants. PM me

                              Comment

                              Our Divorce Forums
                              Forums dedicated to helping people all across Canada get through the separation and divorce process, with discussions about legal issues, parenting issues, financial issues and more.
                              Working...
                              X