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  • EX wants at home daycare on her week

    Hello everyone,

    we have a signed shared joint custody agreement as of last year i was primary for 3 years, 50 / 50, week on week off monday to monday of our daughter of 8 years old.

    My ex is giving birth in march and wants to keep our 8 year old home on her weeks. Our daughter would also like that very much.

    Im ok with it but need to know is there anything that can happen as her mother has a history of abusing the system.

    these are the points i have asked to be addressed.

    Since you are talking her out of her regular routine for convenience and financial reasons, these items need to be addressed

    1. Switch ***** to a new daycare, which is more physically active and mentally stimulating and has a variety of activities, something ***** has asked for over a year now and you have refused, since she dislikes her current daycare for these reasons.
    2. While she is at home and you are taking care of a new born, how are you going to accommodate for these needs mentioned in the first point. reason I ask is obvious, aside from social benefits of a daycare she needs everything above, especially physical activity. If physical activities are not met, she will return to full time daycare.
    3. To keep her in routine she will need to be up at 7:00 – 7:30am each day, if not when she returns to my house to go to daycare, this will be extremely hard on her if it’s not followed. If this is not followed she will return to fulltime daycare.
    4. If ***** shows discontent with being at your house at any time, or she wishes to return to fulltime daycare, she is to return to full time daycare.
    5. There will be no financial change in support or extraordinary expenses as you are choosing to keep her at home and pull her out of her regular daycare routine.

    If these points cannot be met it would not be in her best interest to remain at your house and she should go to full time daycare.

    please feel free to expand or add any comments

  • #2
    I'm confused...your 8 year old should be in school, should she not?

    Comment


    • #3
      oh of course she is in school that goes without saying, the current daycare is a before and after school program

      Comment


      • #4
        I feel that your points to be addressed sound a bit too controlling. You're talking about before and after-school, it's not as if she's going to be home all day, her school is where she gets most of her stimulation and physical activity. In my opinion, what her mother does with her during her week is her business. Just because she's having a baby, doesn't mean she can't meet your daughter's needs as well. Being off on mat leave is a great opportunity for parents to spend that extra time with kids that they don't normally get the chance to.

        In my opinion, pick your battles, and I wouldn't choose this one.

        Comment


        • #5
          Unless the before/after school care requires the child to attend all the time, not week on/off, I see no reason to dictate how the other parent has to parent on their time.

          They don't get to dictate what you do on yours....and vice versa.

          Comment


          • #6
            very valid points and of course the before and after school ones are are very good, but with most of them i am thinking about summer time months.

            our daughters physical activity is very important to me. all these points i would ask of any daycare provider as im sure everyone else would also.

            anything taht sounds restricting is for the reason of our daughters health.

            my ex's thought of daycare is putting an xbox 360 in her room.

            Comment


            • #7
              Summer is a long time away. I wouldn't get worked up about it just yet.....your ex may find having D8 plus the baby a bit much and D8 may also want to be in it if her friends are.

              I'd relax for now.

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              • #8
                How great would it be for your 8 year old daughter to be able to stay home with her Mom and new sibling in the summer when they can do all kinds of fun things that Mom couldn't so if she was working.

                I hate sending my kids to their babysitter even though they love it there. They love when I get to stay home with them even more though

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                • #9
                  thank you hammer dad, and your right. but i have to be carefull as mentioned before this women has a history of abusing the system, so status quo must be established now as i know she would not come to reason to return D8 to daycare as it would be a financial burden more than it would be for d8 best interest.

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                  • #10
                    agreed CCB and im not saying no every point is for D8's best interest. in the end i know shes end up playing video games in her room all day this is why i have to make these points.

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                    • #11
                      If you already have week on/week off is status quo not already established? Like others have stated, I don't think you can dictate what she does with the child during her time with her. Your email seems very controlling and depending on what she is like, this may cause her to go up in arms.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        when the best interest of the child is not handled properly then i will step in. never said no about it happening.

                        as said before physical activity is very important for every child also routine thats all i tried to demonstrate in what was sent and i will make sure happens for D8 s best interest.

                        its funny some of the responses taking about control, about how you cant control what happens at the others residence, coudlnt agree more but if you saw through your need for it youd see it was for D8's best interest.

                        i know she will be put infroont of a tv all day and most children these days dont get enough physical activity because of it. this is what im tring to avoid.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          this seems to be getting negative very quickly.

                          let me ask you this, when putting your child in a daycare or any caregiving environment, what are the key things you ask:

                          1. hours
                          2. meals
                          3. physical activity

                          i know this is her moms house but that shouldnt change these primary things that every parent is concerned about on a daily basis.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Difference is...this is her mom's house...she doesn't have to follow what you think/do... you will eventually realize that it is easier for you not to worry about what your ex does...unless it is putting your daughter in danger, I wouldn't fret. What you see as in the childs best interest, may differ from what the mom thinks is in the daughters best interest.

                            You feel daycare is better, Mom feels the child staying home is better... personally, I think the child staying home with Mom would be better... you are assuming Mom will just stick her in front of the TV...and maybe this will happen, but its beyond your control... your best bet is to leave well enough alone and when you have your daughter make sure you provide all the things you have stated.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by mylesc View Post
                              when the best interest of the child is not handled properly then i will step in. never said no about it happening.
                              .
                              And whom is determining the best interest of the child? You?

                              I think your daughter having the extra time with her parent, and her soon-to-be new sibling, is a great opportunity for her.

                              The "key things" that you address are about daycares - not children's homes. Do you think those who choose to parent at home are failing in some manner in providing the best for their children?
                              Start a discussion, not a fire. Post with kindness.

                              Comment

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