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  • #16
    Wow, guys if you just sit back and read what you are advising it does sound tainted. There are many cultures that believe in marriage. I applaud the OP for investigating the possible consequences to his decision.
    You dont' have much time before the wedding, but selling your house and "isolating" your equity is a very wise choice, Easy to prove, easy to trace and evidence is loud and clear in case there is a break up.
    My advice would to consult a Family Lawyer and not seek advice from friends or just any lawyer you know. From my understanding even pre--nups can be contested, so be careful.

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    • #17
      Great example, 85 year old man marries mail order bride, she divorces him day later and now he owes the government $25k.

      Russian Bride Leaves Elderly Man With $25K Welfare Bill

      Protect yourself! Go ahead, have a wedding just don't sign the cert. Who needs a piece of paper signed in blood. Stay common law with a good prenup.

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      • #18
        Don't do it.This is a fairytale that we all are spoon fed That marriage is somehow sacred,it really isn't .In marriage there is a winner and a loser and the most cunning and manipulative will win.There is some happy stories but all of the time a common law relationship would have sufficed.As for kids...don't have any unless you are absolutely positive that your partner has moral standards of saintly proportions.

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        • #19
          I disagree with the posters saying don't get married or even live common law with someone. Marriage to the right person is a wonderful thing. Any marriage is a crap shoot but if you take the time to get to know the person you are marrying you have a better chance of success.

          My current husband and I were common law for years, after a point it just seemed a natural progression of our commitment to each other.

          Don't think you'll change them because you won't. If you accept them and all their warts I say go for it.

          Good luck!

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          • #20
            Originally posted by TiredOfTheDrama View Post
            I disagree with the posters saying don't get married or even live common law with someone. Marriage to the right person is a wonderful thing. Any marriage is a crap shoot but if you take the time to get to know the person you are marrying you have a better chance of success.

            My current husband and I were common law for years, after a point it just seemed a natural progression of our commitment to each other.

            Don't think you'll change them because you won't. If you accept them and all their warts I say go for it.

            Good luck!
            Agreed!!
            Just me careful on what kind of "warts"!!

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            • #21
              Originally posted by Unevenplayingground View Post
              Agreed!!
              Just me careful on what kind of "warts"!!
              Ha Ha exactly!! Some warts are actually cancerous moles in disguise

              Comment


              • #22
                Originally posted by TiredOfTheDrama View Post
                Marriage to the right person is a wonderful thing.
                I agree. Being married to anyone that makes more money then you is a wounderful thing. You're set for life! Hell, you don't have to work, can live off them, stay home with the kids, and when you're tired of the marriage you get money after divorce for the rest of your life! WONDERFUL!

                Originally posted by TiredOfTheDrama View Post
                take the time to get to know the person you are marrying you have a better chance of success.
                I agree exactly....take the time, say A LIFE TIME to get to know someone.

                Originally posted by TiredOfTheDrama View Post
                My current husband and I were common law for years, after a point it just seemed a natural progression of our commitment to each other.
                Signing a piece of paper doesn't change commitment between two people. The words and actions they live by does. If you say "I will spend the rest of my life with this person" that should be sufficent enought.

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                • #23
                  Originally posted by Canadaguy View Post
                  I agree. Being married to anyone that makes more money then you is a wounderful thing. You're set for life! Hell, you don't have to work, can live off them, stay home with the kids, and when you're tired of the marriage you get money after divorce for the rest of your life! WONDERFUL!
                  WOW bitter much!?! My husband and I make within 5k of each other We have no kids together, only brought in the kids from our previous marriages. I did not ask for Spousal from my ex so doesn't apply. He paid child support when his children were in school (now adults working full time) and I receive for my children who are still in school.


                  Originally posted by Canadaguy View Post
                  I agree exactly....take the time, say A LIFE TIME to get to know someone.
                  (sigh) if you'd drop the chip on your shoulder, you may meet someone worth spending your life with. You don't now whats around the corner, but with an attitude like yours I'm sure anyone decent runs the other way the minute they get close enough to feel the negative vibes rolling off you.


                  Originally posted by Canadaguy View Post
                  Signing a piece of paper doesn't change commitment between two people. The words and actions they live by does. If you say "I will spend the rest of my life with this person" that should be sufficent enought.
                  Whatever went wrong in your marriage and subsequent divorce won't automatically happen to everyone. Yep my first marriage sucked and we can't stand each other. My current husband has a fairly good relationship with his ex. It depends on the situation.

                  You can't automatically place the other sex in one category based on the actions of your ex. IF that were the case based on my first marriage all men would fall into the category of asshole... my current husband is the polar opposite.

                  Is the picture you painted how you see your mother?
                  Last edited by TiredOfTheDrama; 10-31-2012, 01:38 PM. Reason: to fix quotes

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                  • #24
                    Originally posted by TiredOfTheDrama View Post
                    WOW bitter much!?! My husband and I make within 5k of each other We have no kids together, only brought in the kids from our previous marriages.
                    Bitter nope...but in situations like the OP where money is vastly different there is a benefit to the lower income earner to sign a marriage cert.

                    Marriage is a culture choice, not required to make a relationship more lasting or stronger. It is good for people who are thinking of getting married to understand the benefits and short comings of signing a marriage cert the same as when they move in together and become common law.

                    Originally posted by TiredOfTheDrama View Post
                    I did not ask for Spousal from my ex so doesn't apply. He paid child support when his children were in school (now adults working full time) and I receive for my children who are still in school.
                    That is very nice of you, however most separation cases are not ambicable and the lower earning partner has the law on their side to GET SS. The OP is good to come and investigate that if he marries a lower income partner, he will by law have to pay her SS if they seperate.

                    Originally posted by TiredOfTheDrama View Post
                    Whatever went wrong in your marriage and subsequent divorce won't automatically happen to everyone. Yep my first marriage sucked and we can't stand each other. My current husband has a fairly good relationship with his ex. It depends on the situation.
                    Many people on this forum who have been married or in CLR without a pre-nup find out after their breakup what the law actually is. I comment the OP for starting this thread and investigating for himself the "worst case situation" that could happen to him and what recourse he would have and how the law is written. I read somewhere it would be good it people took divorce classes like marriage classes before getting married to know the facts.

                    Originally posted by TiredOfTheDrama View Post
                    You can't automatically place the other sex in one category based on the actions of your ex. IF that were the case based on my first marriage all men would fall into the category of asshole... my current husband is the polar opposite.
                    No my ex was (and is) quite civil....however there are many other parents on here with much worse cases then mine of "crazy ex syndrome" who go to court and cannot sit down like adults and work it out.


                    Originally posted by TiredOfTheDrama View Post
                    Is the picture you painted how you see your mother
                    No, I did not marry someone who is like my mother. I respect her greatly. Shouts out to my mom!

                    Comment


                    • #25
                      Originally posted by TiredOfTheDrama View Post
                      Ha Ha exactly!! Some warts are actually cancerous moles in disguise

                      Tired, I think Unevenplayingground meant genital warts.

                      I'd marry again if I met the right man. We'd have a lot of conversations about respecting each others' independence. I never spent any time away from my to be ex except for one night 20 years when I just couldn't stay in the same house with him, and another shortly before separation when I had to go to TO 2 nights for a medical app't. and took my daughter instead. That's it in 43 years of marriage.

                      Comment


                      • #26
                        Originally posted by Canadaguy View Post
                        No, I did not marry someone who is like my mother. I respect her greatly. Shouts out to my mom!
                        I do understand some people on this board (myself included) have crappy high conflict divorces and some take that to an entirely different level.

                        But how can anyone go into any relationship with so much negative thoughts? Reading the worst cases of any situation would stop a person dead in their tracks. Would you suggest people that are thinking of having kids check out worst cases of teen runaways/suicide/drug addicts or the most horrific child abduction cases? In the same vein they should read the positive ones, but lets face it best cases aren't published or make the news.

                        I am very glad that despite what you wrote you and ex have a decent relationship. And I feel the same about my mom (I have the best parents - mom and dad in the world)

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                        • #27
                          Originally posted by caranna View Post
                          Tired, I think Unevenplayingground meant genital warts.

                          I'd marry again if I met the right man. We'd have a lot of conversations about respecting each others' independence. I never spent any time away from my to be ex except for one night 20 years when I just couldn't stay in the same house with him, and another shortly before separation when I had to go to TO 2 nights for a medical app't. and took my daughter instead. That's it in 43 years of marriage.

                          Oh ha ha I can't believe that went right over my head!!

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                          • #28
                            Are you kidding me, with what the laws are and lawyers that will suck all of it from you is she does not... you better think twice before you say yes without a written agreement. Your love today will be your worst nighmare tomorow. Just read some of the laws of mariage...ouuuuuuuuuuch. Careful my careful

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                            • #29
                              Originally posted by TiredOfTheDrama View Post
                              Would you suggest people that are thinking of having kids check out worst cases of teen runaways/suicide/drug addicts or the most horrific child abduction cases?
                              More than 50% of couples get divorced. When they do, the family court system has full control and destroys families.

                              When you have kids, it is FAR FAR less that become cases of teen runaways/suicide/drug addicts etc. Further, IF that does happen, BOTH parents have some control with a bias to strengthen their family.

                              You are comparing apples to planets.

                              Comment

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