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  • He's already on dating apps

    Last night, a friend who is on Tinder messaged me a picture. It was my husband. He showed up on her match list and she freaked because it was a picture SHE had taken at our wedding! He's using our wedding picture as his profile! Not only that, he's under a fake name and he's lied about his age by eight years. Meanwhile, last night he kept emailing me saying he's so sorry for messing up and how he still loves me. I didn't say anything but it was very difficult. I don't want to be married but at the very least, I thought he would wait until moving out before trying to hook up with other women. I feel so worthless.

  • #2
    Let him hook up with someone else. Hopefully he leaves faster!

    This guy is a psycho. Stop beating yourself up. The fact that you were kind and empathetic to him makes you a good person. Those are admirable qualities to have. Using you and lying makes him the bad person.

    Shake your head and pray that he ropes in a sucker to take him off your hands!!

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    • #3
      At the time I felt so badly for him and I was so glad I was able to get him back on his feet. Now I just feel like a stupid moron who couldn't see past how wonderful he was to me and my kids. Idiot.

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      • #4
        You are not an idiot. You believed him and he was manipulative. Good riddance!

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        • #5
          you should of just looked at your friend and said "I really do not care and if you see anything like this again, dont bother telling me". Honestly if he dates or not and if he lies about his age etc its really none of your business now. Just like if you were to start to date would be none of his business. Yes it isnt a good idea to do it when still living together but he can, plus let him be someone elses problem. At least if he is focusing on dating then he may focus less on you.

          One has to wonder how good of a friend they are when they know what you are going through and basically just rubbed salt in the wound.

          He will tell you he loves you etc, he is just trying to get you under his thumb again. He figured that you would beg him to stay and when you didn't, he was at a loss for what he could try and hold over you next to control you. You took his power away for a bit at least and he isn't use to it.

          You cannot control what he does, you can only control your own actions and reactions.

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          • #6
            Originally posted by rockscan View Post
            Let him hook up with someone else. Hopefully he leaves faster!

            This guy is a psycho. Stop beating yourself up. The fact that you were kind and empathetic to him makes you a good person. Those are admirable qualities to have. Using you and lying makes him the bad person.

            Shake your head and pray that he ropes in a sucker to take him off your hands!!


            This.

            All of this.

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            • #7
              What is the appropriate amount of time to wait?

              Honestly, this is a good thing. If he somehow ends up in a relationship, you may find that his willingness to waste energy fighting you will be severely diminished.

              Nothing stopping you from going on dating apps yourself, but I would wait until after the legal stuff is finished.

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              • #8
                Originally posted by Janus View Post
                What is the appropriate amount of time to wait?

                Honestly, this is a good thing. If he somehow ends up in a relationship, you may find that his willingness to waste energy fighting you will be severely diminished.

                Nothing stopping you from going on dating apps yourself, but I would wait until after the legal stuff is finished.
                https://www.advocatedaily.com/steven...ce-benmor.html

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                • #9
                  Great article. My ex went on a dating app and I printed it off including his attached photo. It’s full of lies ( says he’s divorced with no children). We are using this against him in arbitration to show he’s a lier and not a credible witness.

                  During my marriage I was actually hoping he’d have an affair so he wouldn’t be my problem anymore. Not possible for him as he’d have to be nice to somebody for an extended period of time. Threatening to kill somebody or their child, throwing their cell phone out the car window when driving, smashing things to pieces, road raging and chasing people down then running them off the road, none of these behaviours impress a new date. So he’s still single but I sure am planning to use his dating profile against him !

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                  • #10
                    Yeah, I guess I'm just sad. I did love the man I married, but do not love the man he's become. I'm just kind of mourning the life I thought I was going to have with him. I'm going to focus on having a good life with my kids and I'm enjoying my new job.

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                    • #11
                      I mourned the loss of the man I married, high school sweet hearts. He is overcome with psychosis and he is no longer the man I married. It's like he has died except worse as there is no real closure like death. Even more I also mourned the loss of my children's father. He loved our kids, was very hands on. He is no longer the father they remember. If he would only comply with needs our family could have stood a chance. I'm sorry for what you are going through and I can completely relate. Focus on yourself and kids. Stay strong and stay safe.

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                      • #12
                        I think we all mourn what we thought once would be... I never imagined being divorced. Then when we did separate we promised to be friends and put the kids first. And for the most part we did for almost 3 years. My ex came over to bday parties and fireworks still with my family and partner. And the kids loved it. So when he got the gf..: it was almost like another blow.... not that he has a gf... I was quite happy for him after seeing him alone for 3 years... and he even had asked me a few times for advice... and I just said think about where we went wrong and try not to repeat it. And me being naive, thought great now there is one more person to help and love our kids... that is how it should be anyways, well boy was I wrong... it didn’t turn out that way at all... and I again mourned the after divorce relationship we had. At least the once friendliness that still existed for the kids... the kids mourned it too with all sorts of questions about why daddy is acting different. Not coming to the door. Why is the gf ALWAYS with daddy... why do we have to do what the gf wants to do and her kids and never what we want... why doesn’t daddy stand and talk to you anymore... I just kept saying I am not sure but we both still love you and that will never change.

                        Take time for you... be alone. Get used to it for a bit. Take care of yourself and your kids... they need a healthy momma. Hugs


                        Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

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                        • #13
                          He's already on dating apps
                          You wanted a divorce, didn't you?

                          When you are unhappy with an employee and plan on getting rid of them, you don't except them to just sit there and not seek opportunities with other companies now do you?

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                          • #14
                            As hard as it is, at least it further supports your need to change and end the relationship. I found out my ex was on 3 different dating websites as a 40 year old man looking for anything while were still married with two little kids. I stayed in the marriage for another 12 months but should have ended it that very minute. When I did finally end it, I had no regrets and was sure it was over.

                            Comment

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