Ottawa Divorce .com Forums


User CP

New posts

Advertising

  Ottawa Divorce .com Forums > Main Category > Divorce & Family Law

Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools
  #1  
Old 03-22-2006, 11:29 AM
FPI FPI is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 106
FPI is on a distinguished road
Default It was a nice week with my kids, wish it wouldn't end

I went to my Case Conference on February 22, 2006, even though we didn’t go in front of a judge my Lawyer and my ex’s Lawyer managed to get a court order signed asking for further disclosure, Questioning and information from my employer. I agreed to all of the above. My question is, it has been over one month and no moment as of yet? I went to my Lawyer, she got me to sign a revised statement adding a condo that I had before I got married and sold during the marriage. She feels I can exclude the equity I had in it since I owned it before I got married. I’m sure my ex won’t like that, since were talking about another 60,000.00.
I further asked my Lawyer about the Questioning, her reply was that it’s up to your wife’s Lawyer to arrange the date; it’s to your benefit if it goes on and on. It has been over a year now, we have not settled on anything, I have given her no money other than child support, I still have not started giving her spousal support or for that matter any equalization payment. When I suggested it to my lawyer she told me why would you want to fund her legal fees. She will eventually get what she’s entitled to with interest.
I guess she trying to put her in a position where she will have to take my offer or live they way she’s been living. Barely making ends meet. Mind you that’s they way I’ll be living at the end of all this.
I do see my children every other weekend and one day during the week. I have been fortunate enough to have them for the last week since I have been on holidays; it’s going to be painful to return them today after school. They don’t want to leave me, all they say is a Love you daddy.
  #2  
Old 03-22-2006, 12:07 PM
Decent Dad Decent Dad is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 479
Decent Dad is an unknown quantity at this point
Default

May I ask why the weekend schedule?

My court/legal hell has been going on for 3 years and no end in sight. Good luck.
  #3  
Old 03-22-2006, 12:27 PM
Grace Grace is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 860
Grace has a spectacular aura aboutGrace has a spectacular aura about
Default

I'm 4 years with no end in sight.

FBI, the legal system moves at a snails pace. Are you on speaking terms with your ex? Anyway, you could attempt to spare your family, both the emotional & financial costs of this litigation? Have you tried mediation yet?
  #4  
Old 03-22-2006, 05:07 PM
FPI FPI is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 106
FPI is on a distinguished road
Default

Decent dad and Grace thank you for you input. I have been reading some of your posts and can fully understand what you’re both going through. It has been a living hell for me also for the last twelve months. She served me 5 months after she walked out on me taking the kids. I tried everything to keep them with me but she refused to allow me to have them more than a few days. I went though hell getting them for the last 7 days. I wrote her and her Lawyer a letter outlining that since I’m on holidays I expect to see my children for the duration. She wrote me back saying she feels the children haven’t been away from their mom for such a long period of time, and this might harm them. I wrote her back telling her I don’t accept her excuse and want my children. She agreed to an extra day. All take all I can. I will be fighting her all the way for Joint custody if not sole custody. This is what she wants Sole custody. How can a person want total control over their children, they belong to both of us. The sole custody term should be taking right off the law books.
Grace as for me and my ex being on speaking terms, absolutely not, she wants to destroy me, I have mentioned mediation, she will not go for it, she doesn’t trust me.
I do know that her lawyer is going to want some cash eventually, this is I have the upper hand, I still hold all the funds and spending it freely. Who knows by the time all is said and done there might be no cash left to be divided. I’ll have to pay her back in the next 20 years or so. Lets say $100.00 a week. She should of taking my first offer it was in the high six figures, now she will have to wait and so will her lawyer.
  #5  
Old 03-22-2006, 05:25 PM
Jenny Jenny is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Ottawa
Posts: 225
Jenny is on a distinguished road
Default

Quote:
I do know that her lawyer is going to want some cash eventually, this is I have the upper hand, I still hold all the funds and spending it freely. Who knows by the time all is said and done there might be no cash left to be divided. I’ll have to pay her back in the next 20 years or so. Lets say $100.00 a week. She should of taking my first offer it was in the high six figures, now she will have to wait and so will her lawyer.


You do realize that the assets and money are split at valuation date ( separation date) and by spending money you will owe her doesn't really help you? I highly doubt the courts will let you pay that money you spent at your leisure - like over 20 yrs. I think you are being reckless by spending "freely" You might be in for a shock if you have to pay a whack all up front once your delaying tactics run out.
  #6  
Old 03-22-2006, 06:12 PM
FPI FPI is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 106
FPI is on a distinguished road
Default

Jenny, I'm fully aware taht the equaliztion is based on the valuation date. However, if one spouse is being un-reasonable, than so be it. I have tried on several occasions to settle, she refuses. My expenses are high, I'm still in the home where she has been living is sub sidized housing. Money as you know runs out. The court can order me to pay, but If you don't have it there's not much he can do other than give you time to pay. I hope it doesnot go that far but both people have to be reasonable.
  #7  
Old 03-22-2006, 07:34 PM
Grace Grace is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 860
Grace has a spectacular aura aboutGrace has a spectacular aura about
Default

FBI, Try and put your emotional anger aside and think about how your children must feel. Careful about using delay tatics or spending her portion of an equilization payment (it will show up in your Financial & Net Property Statement), this would not impress a Judge.

I found this article of Children of Divorce:

Children Do NOT Just "Get Over It"

Many of us used to assume, and some still do, that children will 'get over' their parents' divorce after an initial period of adjustment . The Timberlawn study, as well as landmark studies by Judith Wallerstein and others, found that divorce not only hurts both parents and children, but that children suffer long term consequences including emotional difficulties, poor school or job performance, and difficulty achieving intimacy in their own relationships as adults. Wallerstein reports that one third of the children experienced moderate to severe depression five years after the divorce. Fifteen years after the divorce, many of those children were still experiencing the consequences of their parent's break-up as they began love relationships and marriages of their own. Every child in her study feared repeating a failure to maintain a loving relationship in adulthood, all feared betrayal and rejection, and all remained very vulnerable to loss.

Continual Battles Worse than Divorce

What these and other studies have also found is, that while divorce hurts children, living with parents who continually wage embittered battles is even worse. Research shows that the children who suffer most are those whose parents divorce, and then carry on the battle for years through legal challenges, arguments, or refusal to cooperate with orders regarding visitation, custody, and child support. As Wallerstein points out, the courts have often believed that awarding joint custody would force parents to put aside their anger and cooperate for the sake of the children. However, often, the opposite occurs. The children become the either the weapons or the trophies in their parents power struggle, or the unintended victims of their rage. Moreover, the chaos and emotional (and sometimes financial) strain that the divorce process puts on parents often makes it difficult for them to provide the security and availability for their children, further leaving the child's emotional and physical needs unmet.
  #8  
Old 03-22-2006, 08:17 PM
FPI FPI is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 106
FPI is on a distinguished road
Default

Grace I agree with what you said about the studies. I find my own children are torn between me and my ex. They want to spend time with me and tell me so. My daughter told me yesterday that she had mentioned to some of her friends in school that she is spending the week with me, her friends replied by saying "I wish i could see my dad more often but mom won't let us.' This is why I have so much anger inside of me. I know my children are suffering and I will help them through this as best I can. fortunately I come from a fairly wealthy family and they will assist me till the end.
As for delay tatics I haven't used any as of yet, I wanted to settle this from the first day she walked out, I had aranged a four way meeting three weeks after she left, We got no where. Sorry we made the Lawyer 5000.00.
Today I still think the same I just want to pay her off and move on, But she wants the world. Again Soul Custody, High in the six figures, Spousal Support, and so on. The only think she didn't ask for is my next born. This is why I will fight her till the end. I will never give her Soul custody. It might cost me a bundle which burns me allot, but what other choice do I have with a women that won't back off. Delay is something her Lawyer is doing, why I don't know, As a mentioned before they have a court order for questioning me, they still as of yet doen nothing about it. It's been over a month. I hope I don't sound to mean. I do want to get this over with.
  #9  
Old 03-22-2006, 08:19 PM
honey I'm home honey I'm home is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 68
honey I'm home is on a distinguished road
Default

Grace:

Well written - cheers. I believe in every word. As most of you know I'm here about a friend and that my ex and I split up years ago with Joint Custody, mind you I also had to give up child support, okay history here, if I had gone after child support he would have gone after spousal, because he works under the table I could not prove his income, I would have had no choice but to pay him.... well that was not going to happen, so I gave up the child support. Best thing I ever did trust me.... and if I was giving up child support, trust me I was going to make sure he paid in other way. I made sure he STAYED involved with the kids, he had them every other weekend and every Tuesday and Wednesday nights. He drives our daughter where - ever her royal highness.. ha ha ha.. needs to go, he is a excellent dad. Mind you on the other hand something it is still sometimes a struggle, being 17 and 15 respectively, is enough to drive you up the flippen wall, man, I have never heard so much moaning "there's nothing to do" I'll give you something to do .... go clean your room... DO I SOUND like my mother.... ha ha ha

hey... bottom line and something EVERYONE should think about.

I loved him enough at one time to .... want... (oh shudder the thought.. ha ha ha)... to spend my life with him, have his children (obviously I saw something.... somewhere..) I don't know I for one agree with joint custody, I don't think ONE parent, should have that much control over anyone. Children need to grow up with love and respect and how can you expect them to treat anyone, even a stranger on the street if they don't learn respect from each parent.
  #10  
Old 03-22-2006, 09:10 PM
Decent Dad Decent Dad is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 479
Decent Dad is an unknown quantity at this point
Default

FPI,

Do you have a custody order? If not, why not just keep the kids when you have them. She is pushing you around and setting you up to lose access and custody. Act now. How long has the current schedule been going? How old are the children? You may want an interim order for joint custody and 50-50 access.

Your stbx's excuse about "oh... the children have never been from me for that long" is pure BS. You are heading into a lot of trouble here.
Closed Thread


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Someone please help me Aveariel Divorce & Family Law 12 09-08-2011 05:57 PM
Week by Week Custody change agreatdad Parenting Issues 7 08-31-2011 01:06 PM
Where Do I Go From Here? lorlaman Common Law Issues 9 08-08-2011 09:46 PM
1 week on, 1 week off - appropriate at age 3? Aelon Parenting Issues 11 08-24-2010 11:22 AM
Help! Many Questions! sophiejay43 Divorce & Family Law 5 06-24-2009 06:22 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 11:14 AM.