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Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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  #11  
Old 09-07-2010, 09:55 AM
Deputy Daddy Deputy Daddy is offline
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If your new man is willing to adopt, then please reconsider proposing that to your ex. You wouldn't be getting child support from the ex, if you ever receive anything anyway, but you'd be free and clear of him. He could become a real pain in the ass if you remove the no-child support insentive from him. Is it really worth a few hundred$$ to be tied to your ex, and him have some input on anything to do with your son for the next 18 years?

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Old 09-07-2010, 10:14 AM
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InterprovincialParents InterprovincialParents is offline
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As you are the parent moving, you need to look at how you will foster your child's relationship with his father from a distance...and the courts often do reduce child support when access costs are increased due to a custodial parent's relocation.

Part of your job, as custodial parent, is to "facilitate and encourage access". Have you even discussed with the amicable ex how you will do this?

As for him, yes, he has a responsibility to his child-not to you-for child support. However, from the sounds of things, if he were to apply to the court for a reduction of arrears or a lessened amount, he would likely win based on his financial circumstances and the fact that you are moving. If you want him to be a part of his child's life, start facilitating and encouraging...if not, why not look at adoption by your spouse?
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Old 09-07-2010, 10:46 AM
country girl country girl is offline
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My schedule has always been rearranged to accomodate the ex and try to increase the access to his son but he either is a no show (says he forgets) or cancels at the last minute. 2 years ago after changing the plans with my family for Christmas to accommodate him he cancelled last minute and it was late January by the time the presents were done....Just me and my son for Christmas in the end.

I have stopped oraganizing visits as it is his choice whether he wants to spend time with his son or not. He has his own free will to make decisions. If the desire is there then he will make it a priority. If not then distractions will always arise. In the meantime I sit and wait for him to tell me what is going on instead of being undecisive.
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Old 09-07-2010, 11:15 AM
billiechic billiechic is offline
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Since he is agreement on the move, I think you should offer him an olive branch as well. Maybe you can erase the arrears and offer a lower amount of CS.

You could also offer that all travel costs for access be covered by him up to the amount of table CS he would have owed, and then be split according to income. That way he has no additional costs for access, and you acknowledge that you are more than willing to support his bond with the child, if he decides to pursue it.

Personally I don't think that you should be asking him if your new husband can adopt. Maybe once the new husband has been the father figure for many years, but it is unfair to take that title from him just yet. It sounds like he is turning one part of his life around, why assume that he can't change the rest?
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