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YYC_SingleDad · #11 10-15-2019, 03:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Berner_Faith

The cut off for shared custody is 40%... so if she gets 40% yes you�ll be paying CS... this isn�t a good argument to make. If this is the only reason you don�t support shared parenting you most likely will lose. So mind as well save court fees, lawyers fees and just work out a suitable schedule

That is good advice.

YYC_SingleDad · #12 10-15-2019, 04:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Berner_Faith

I think the biggest thing you have on your side is status quo... what change in circumstances have occurred to warrant a change in access? That should be the biggest question.

The change in circumstances is now she has moved into a 2 bedroom condo in the same area and now she is remarried. Previously she lived about 20 minutes away by car in a one bedroom condo that did not allow kids.

cranberry · #13 10-15-2019, 07:00 PM

I have just switched from 10 years of full custody to shared. I had typed out my story but my stupid phone froze...ugh! I will keep it short this time.

Give her shared custody. Its not about you or her, its all about your children. I went through hell for five years trying to give him shared custody. He wad on a mission to remove them from my care permanently. It didn't work. All through this journey, I never denied switching to shared but he would not accept.

Thankfully and finally, we reached a settlement at the end of September. I, like you have been our boys primary caregiver since birth. But I accepted the switch and its consequences because it wasn't about me. It's hard and sucks balls to do so, but I highly recommend you negotiate shared parenting. We now have an order for parallel parenting; I suggest you go this route.

Put aside you and her, and focus on what is best for your kiddos.

YYC_SingleDad · #14 10-15-2019, 07:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cranberry

I have just switched from 10 years of full custody to shared. I had typed out my story but my stupid phone froze...ugh! I will keep it short this time.

Give her shared custody. Its not about you or her, its all about your children. I went through hell for five years trying to give him shared custody. He wad on a mission to remove them from my care permanently. It didn't work. All through this journey, I never denied switching to shared but he would not accept.

Thankfully and finally, we reached a settlement at the end of September. I, like you have been our boys primary caregiver since birth. But I accepted the switch and its consequences because it wasn't about me. It's hard and sucks balls to do so, but I highly recommend you negotiate shared parenting. We now have an order for parallel parenting; I suggest you go this route.

Put aside you and her, and focus on what is best for your kiddos.

Thank you very much for your post. We do have joint custody as that is something I never contested. I will try to work with the ex in a schedule that is in the best interest of the children and see what that may look like as every family�s situation is different.

calvinfive · #15 10-15-2019, 09:56 PM

This is easy pal. You go to the hearing, state that there has been no material change in circumstances, the children have grown accustomed to the current schedule and are doing well.

You will also argue the mother is the one who reduced her parenting by moving into a condo that did not allow children. I assume there are good reasons why a judge did not give her shared parenting when she moved back in with a boyfriend.

Could you clarify why there was a hearing set and if the hearing was set on consent? Was it something that was recommended by a judge? If so, why ?

PS. She obviously is motivated by money if her lawyer asked you pay child support. Otherwise, she could have asked for 50/50 but asked child support remain the same - just like how so many fathers do.

YYC_SingleDad · #16 10-16-2019, 10:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by calvinfive

This is easy pal. You go to the hearing, state that there has been no material change in circumstances, the children have grown accustomed to the current schedule and are doing well.

You will also argue the mother is the one who reduced her parenting by moving into a condo that did not allow children. I assume there are good reasons why a judge did not give her shared parenting when she moved back in with a boyfriend.

Could you clarify why there was a hearing set and if the hearing was set on consent? Was it something that was recommended by a judge? If so, why ?

PS. She obviously is motivated by money if her lawyer asked you pay child support. Otherwise, she could have asked for 50/50 but asked child support remain the same - just like how so many fathers do.

Thanks for your feedback and the points you mentioned. When she first moved out she retained a lawyer only for property issues and only hired a lawyer in March of this year to discuss parenting. The ex wanted to moved to shared parenting right away and I did not agree as I wanted a transition into shared parenting and overnight access. We agreed in June that she would have Sunday overnights and would see the children on Wednesday and Fridays for dinner. The case then moved to EICC in September and the justice put in a interim parenting order which is every other weekend and a Thursday on her off weekend. The judge is the one that recommended that a hearing take place in the Spring 2020.

That is a good suggestion on 50/50 with child support to remain the same (her paying about $150 a month for two children).

Berner_Faith · #17 10-16-2019, 10:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by YYC_SingleDad

Thanks for your feedback and the points you mentioned. When she first moved out she retained a lawyer only for property issues and only hired a lawyer in March of this year to discuss parenting. The ex wanted to moved to shared parenting right away and I did not agree as I wanted a transition into shared parenting and overnight access. We agreed in June that she would have Sunday overnights and would see the children on Wednesday and Fridays for dinner. The case then moved to EICC in September and the justice put in a interim parenting order which is every other weekend and a Thursday on her off weekend. The judge is the one that recommended that a hearing take place in the Spring 2020.

That is a good suggestion on 50/50 with child support to remain the same (her paying about $150 a month for two children).

No that�s not a good suggestion... you can agree to whatever CS you want, she can say she�ll still pay you but once access is determined CS follows the children and she can easily motion for table CS (offset with your incomes) and you�ll end up paying her what you�re legally obligated to. This is a money game to both of you

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rockscan · #18 10-16-2019, 10:57 AM

You aren�t paying cs to your ex. You are paying to equalize the households. CS is for your kids. They should have equal living situations at both homes.

So what if your ex moved out into a small apartment with little room? Her financial situation obviously dictated that. She worked herself out and moved closer to the kids into bigger accommodations so she could spend time with them. Maybe it was about money maybe not. She wants more time with her kids. She should be given that chance to do so and you should be doing everything you can to ensure the kids have as much access to BOTH parents REGARDLESS of the costs to you.

iona6656 · #19 10-16-2019, 11:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by YYC_SingleDad

Thank you all for the reply and giving me many differentways to look at this.

I do want the children to see their mother and they do sonow and are happy with this routine. My issue is that she basically abandoned thechildren and consciously choose to live in a one bedroom apartment with herboyfriend when she first moved out. I was left taking care of the children andreceived only minimum child support from her as she asked to be laid off fromher job and the child support was based on her unemployment income. I have putin an application to have that recalculated.

She knows that if there is 50 / 50 physical custody then Iwould be the one paying her child support. I feel that it�s unfair if I was theprimary caregiver and the children live with me and have been doing well that Iwill need to pay her child support if there is 50 / 50. I know that is the lawand will have to deal with it if it does come down to it. I would be happy with a 60 / 40 . Would that schedule still be considered shared parenting?

You may want to consider getting some counselling or therapy for your anger at your ex for the abandonment issues with the kids. This is how you feel towards her- and has nothing to do with your kids.

YYC_SingleDad · #20 10-16-2019, 11:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rockscan

You aren�t paying cs to your ex. You are paying to equalize the households. CS is for your kids. They should have equal living situations at both homes.

So what if your ex moved out into a small apartment with little room? Her financial situation obviously dictated that. She worked herself out and moved closer to the kids into bigger accommodations so she could spend time with them. Maybe it was about money maybe not. She wants more time with her kids. She should be given that chance to do so and you should be doing everything you can to ensure the kids have as much access to BOTH parents REGARDLESS of the costs to you.

Thank you for the reply. There is more to the back story of her living arrangements when she left but I see where you are coming from.

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