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Doin' a Deal...Maybe

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  • Doin' a Deal...Maybe

    After a long back and forth my ex and I may be close to a deal (the Korean War was shorter).

    Essentially I would pay her spousal (though less than the table amount as I have the kids) and she would leave my RRSPs untouched.

    A key issue for her is maintaining her med benefits on my plan but we would need to be separated and not divorced. Not planning to remarry; once was quite enough, thank you.

    She wants half my eventual CPP (seems a long way off) BUT I wonder if we'd have to be legally divorced for this, which screws the benefits piece as I am not keen on lying to my current or any future employer.

    Anyone do a similar deal with a focus on the benefits and CPP, separated vs divorced status? Thx

  • #2
    My bf just signed a separation agreement where he agreed to keep his ex on his benefits for one year so has to remain married until then. Maybe offer a time period? Or look into providing her with Bluecross instead? It's unreasonable for her to expect to stay on your benefits forever.
    Last edited by HappyMomma; 07-13-2011, 03:24 PM.

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    • #3
      Benefits are applicable from the employer, you have to abide by their rules. You can't write that into an agreement as it's not binding.

      Find out from your carrier what the requirements are that you are bound to. She's going to have to get her own at some point.

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      • #4
        You don't have stay married, what you are agreeing to is to provide her benefits. That means you may have to pay $50-$100 per month (depending on the plan) for her coverage. Still fairly cheap compared to full SS.

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        • #5
          Most benefit plan I've seen in my work life have had some sort of clause that you may only change coverages for additional ppl once per year. Be it add or remove. So essentilly it's best to drop and add ppl at the same time. Just something to consider.

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          • #6
            My benefit plan also has specific criteria for who can be added.

            Private coverage may only cost $100/mos now, but what happens if she becomes very ill or disabled. Seems to me that agreeing to take care of her health benefits indefinitely could be a potential pandora's box. I would not take the chance. Think of the lawyers fees alone. Yikes.

            You may not think a divorce is important now. That will change. There is a feeling of satisfaction when all the "loose ends" are tied up.

            Personally, I left my ex on my benefits for 2 years. He was able to take advantage of counselling, etc.. in an effort to help us all move on.

            You are entitled to half her CPP and she is to yours. This does not change and either party can apply at any time.

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            • #7
              A post that is really close to my heart really! I read the typical senario and I just felt compelled to add a twisst for consideration. I have given thought to every twist from my perspective - survival!

              So in my version of short, I consider this post an opportunity to really take stock of a situation to which in the next few weeks we will attempt to mediate a settlement which the more I look at things the further we become. I am the person who faces lifetime CPP Disability benefits because for a long time, and in the very long term going forward, I am deemed unemployable as a direct result of my physical limitations and the meds it takes to keep me moving and functioning at what level I am at - I accept my situation and as such have come to terms with what will not be for me and as an extension of me, My family, Ex or not, plus the three kids.

              My wife indeed has top of the line (never seen better!) benefits - I remain on the plan as long as we remain in the state of seperation. Where we live is not a factor - finalizing the divorce is the end to my participation in the plan. Rough numbers come in at $420/month - sorry the injections I get every two weeks - my family clinic doctor carried me as long as he could but the Ontario Government just will not buge and the clininc took a $140,000 hit last year alone and I imagine years before. Yesterday my doctor figured out the perscription - a box of 10 is $340 and I get shots every two weeks on an average of four times a visit so that ads say another $150. Oh, I said my wife had a good plan, our cost was $8.10 - insurance covered the rest!

              So as it stands I am now at $570/month for perscriptions, Because of my difficulties I have accelerated dental problems that requires seeing the dentist at least every three to four months - barring any big problems (I had three molars pulled the last three years - too far damaged or way too expensive even with the plan to try and save...... yes i had estimates done and conservatively the number came in at $20,000 - they were pulled) so averaging the last four years without the 3 teeth.

              I say thanks again to the surgeon who had helped me and three weeks before had helped with my son's surgery at a time when my wife was between opportunities and really working to find that elusive job. I mention this for two reasons - even together we had tough times apart.....at times I just fear the worst? Soon we will termed Exs and it will get much tougher. But the generousity of the surgeon has lasted many years - When my son needed surgery now we were refered to this man. His solution was "tell me if you were to be able to scrape everything you could and still be able to feed your family - I responded all I have is $1200 - he said tell my book keeper to take $375." Three weeks later I was again at his office this time for me - I had split a tooth right down the center! I really felt bad - never in my life had i been in this situation. He did it for free, I gave him $70 and I made sure I or we did it any way that cut his costs down to the max. That is not a story for this forum but the fact that my son's surgery was $4300 and mine was another $2200 is related to what costs could be.

              So I hear the common thought: It is not right to prolong the marital relationship and the risks to one spouse to keep the other on is too great. I face the delemma which has plagued me for almost 5 years as I struggled with the thought of trying to survive on $900 a month CPP but to add my basic medical which is now $570 for perscriptions, another $125 for dental and then there is the $160 a pair for elastic socks (and the insurance told me that they will pay for 4 pairs a year) i have to use them now because i have had my legs actually swell to double their circumference as I discovered just a few weeks ago was from Feb to May of LAST year. That is 2010!

              I posted earlier in another thread about my lost four year period which I call my "dark period" to which I have been turning my life around since mid 2010 - I knew it happened but I was shocked when I made several calls to get a timeline of what happened in the last three to four years and to be told that I had almost lost my feet not eight months prior (my feet had gone cold - lost circulation of blood) but things are under control now.

              So it was from these posts that I discovered a way out of this - life long seperation. I have not appraoched my wife with the option (again she is now in the stage of avoidance and non openess to do with anything to do with this divorce - I have struggled every day for 3-1/2 months trying to make some sense of the financials and I suppose learning to accept what will be and that there is more options than living on $900 a month. I could add more to the numbers but this is a very good picture for someone in my situation. To buy insurance that covers what i am covered now, never mind at the deductables we pay now and the typical Blue Cross plan - well I would not be able to affrd the payments nor the deductables and my wife can't either at the current salary she is at. Not even close.

              This is such a long post - and for that I am again sorry. But please remember that every couple has their unique issues - maybe not as deep as the one's I mentioned - but I also know that there some perscriptions that cost $1,000 a month and more alone. But as it stands for me I make $900 and my medical stuff alone is near what I bring in alone never mind eating - so without a solution i face dropping the meds altogether and hoping for the best. (I am aware of the trillium program and they helped us when my wife was not working - we remain enroled although at this point with my wife's insurance they remain silent until the insurance stops paying or we exceed our coverage.) There is no simple answer for us and my wife by far does not earn enough to bankrole this whole mess so we must find a way.

              I really have to ad this final comment as it polishes off a near impossible situation. My wife continues to beleive, even today, that we are going to split the RRSPs, the house and the stuff and we shall go off into the sunset (in different directions that is!) Since I am on CPP she has been told she will be up for some SS but to that I have overheard her statement several times "she will have no problem taking on a mortgage - heck she wants to buy me out of this house (there is no way - there just isn't enough money and my wife does not make a huge salary anyway one may look at it)and she wants me gone - she expects to pay $200 in SS and we are done! I spoke to the mediator today to begin that process and the conversation went something like, "...........your job is to mediate where I think we are on different planets right now - your task is a formidable one for sure..........."

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