I have looked and researched, I promise...but still I have this question:
Is there a generally accepted period of time which is used to say that a child's living arrangements have changed?
i.e. Youngest daughter has just started reconnecting with OP. She as spent time over the last four weeks with OP, but before that, only saw her once in six months. I need to vary the existing support order which still has me paying full table for both daughters. I know what I'd like to do, but generally, would it be more acceptable to vary to:
a) 50/50 (based on the past month)
b) full table amount (based on the past 7 months)
P.S. has anyone every heard of a case where a judge has diverted from table amounts because of withholding or actively coaching the child not to spend time with OP.
For context...these are actual texts to my younger from just before Christmas when she started reaching out to spend more time:
1: First time youngest was going to come home after school in almost a year
OP: "I think you should ask to go out eat. Just say you would feel more comfortable – please. After the stuff he has done lately – I don’t like this situation – so go out"
2: Second time youngest was going to come home after school a month later
OP: Your Dad just told your teacher that you’d be home tonight and he will go over science. I can’t tell the teacher that you are here full time and then he send that. Can you just go out please for dinner. Just tell him that what you want. Otherwise I can’t tell the teachers that
3: The first time in four and a half years that she would have slept at home. In the end, it was the last time she came home until she came home for good in the new year. (just a small portion of my daughter asking repeatedly that evening to stay:
Daughter: I know you’re going to be mad at me and you can hate me because I feel like me saying this is going to get me in trouble, but I want to spend the night here, I told dad that I don’t want him in my work and I told him to not email anyone about it because I just want to be happy without feeling like I’m making stuff worse for you guys, last night you told me to just think about it and I have been all day, and I want to try staying here, not saying I’m not happy with you because I am, but I want to try this, I haven’t told dad that I want to stay the night and he hasn’t even asked me, I just wanted to tell you before I ask him.
OP: Did you plan this? And then plan to text about it? This should be planned – and not on a school night – can you be home near 7:30 for the dogs
Daughter: But I want to tonight, I want a say in it too, he’s my dad I should be aloud to chose when I want to stay with him, I have my computer because I was planning on finishing my math on it while dad was making dinner so I brought it (it was planned I just had to finish math). Mom I know I have to understand things, but Just let me have this, let me try please. I don’t want you mad at me I just, I just want you to try and understand.
OP:NOT tonight XXX Omg You planned this
4: Daughter was caught doing something she shouldn't and I had reached out to her to address it as best as I could:
OP: Be rude I don’t care – he has no right to parent like that – he doesn’t really know shit and he didn’t care this am – he’s not the one helping you
So you see, I'm really kind of hoping a judge will consider keeping the set-off amount so OP doesn't have a financial incentive to repeat the same. I think she'll try none the less. At our daughter's age (over 15) I"m not really thinking I want to use all that, plus past reports from the CAS and OCL to go for full custody or anything. At this point, our daughter trusts she always has a home here and I don't want to force her into a position of feeling as though she can't rebuild a relationship with her mother.
Sorry for the long post.
Is there a generally accepted period of time which is used to say that a child's living arrangements have changed?
i.e. Youngest daughter has just started reconnecting with OP. She as spent time over the last four weeks with OP, but before that, only saw her once in six months. I need to vary the existing support order which still has me paying full table for both daughters. I know what I'd like to do, but generally, would it be more acceptable to vary to:
a) 50/50 (based on the past month)
b) full table amount (based on the past 7 months)
P.S. has anyone every heard of a case where a judge has diverted from table amounts because of withholding or actively coaching the child not to spend time with OP.
For context...these are actual texts to my younger from just before Christmas when she started reaching out to spend more time:
1: First time youngest was going to come home after school in almost a year
OP: "I think you should ask to go out eat. Just say you would feel more comfortable – please. After the stuff he has done lately – I don’t like this situation – so go out"
2: Second time youngest was going to come home after school a month later
OP: Your Dad just told your teacher that you’d be home tonight and he will go over science. I can’t tell the teacher that you are here full time and then he send that. Can you just go out please for dinner. Just tell him that what you want. Otherwise I can’t tell the teachers that
3: The first time in four and a half years that she would have slept at home. In the end, it was the last time she came home until she came home for good in the new year. (just a small portion of my daughter asking repeatedly that evening to stay:
Daughter: I know you’re going to be mad at me and you can hate me because I feel like me saying this is going to get me in trouble, but I want to spend the night here, I told dad that I don’t want him in my work and I told him to not email anyone about it because I just want to be happy without feeling like I’m making stuff worse for you guys, last night you told me to just think about it and I have been all day, and I want to try staying here, not saying I’m not happy with you because I am, but I want to try this, I haven’t told dad that I want to stay the night and he hasn’t even asked me, I just wanted to tell you before I ask him.
OP: Did you plan this? And then plan to text about it? This should be planned – and not on a school night – can you be home near 7:30 for the dogs
Daughter: But I want to tonight, I want a say in it too, he’s my dad I should be aloud to chose when I want to stay with him, I have my computer because I was planning on finishing my math on it while dad was making dinner so I brought it (it was planned I just had to finish math). Mom I know I have to understand things, but Just let me have this, let me try please. I don’t want you mad at me I just, I just want you to try and understand.
OP:NOT tonight XXX Omg You planned this
4: Daughter was caught doing something she shouldn't and I had reached out to her to address it as best as I could:
OP: Be rude I don’t care – he has no right to parent like that – he doesn’t really know shit and he didn’t care this am – he’s not the one helping you
So you see, I'm really kind of hoping a judge will consider keeping the set-off amount so OP doesn't have a financial incentive to repeat the same. I think she'll try none the less. At our daughter's age (over 15) I"m not really thinking I want to use all that, plus past reports from the CAS and OCL to go for full custody or anything. At this point, our daughter trusts she always has a home here and I don't want to force her into a position of feeling as though she can't rebuild a relationship with her mother.
Sorry for the long post.
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