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Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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  #1  
Old 11-27-2014, 04:17 PM
stripes stripes is offline
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Default tickets for holiday concert - am I being too fussy?

I'm on the brink of sending an email, but would appreciate a few opinions on whether this is justified or whether I'm being too fussy and seeing problems where there aren't any.

Situation: 50/50. Kid is with me this week. Kid's holiday concert is next week. School issues two tickets per kid for parents. I hadn't received any information. Contacted teacher last night to ask. Teacher said tickets and info went home with kid last week, when kid was with Dad. Contacted Dad to ask if he had tickets. Dad says yes, kid brought two tickets home, I should get in touch with the school office to get extra tickets as Dad and StepMom will be using tickets brought home by kid. He meant to tell me but he forgot.

My problem: I don't Dad appropriating things meant for both parents for him and StepMom. I am also familiar with his habit of "forgetting".

My dilemma: Do I send Dad a note politely reminding him that when something is sent home for Kid's parents (concert tickets, school pictures, reports, whatever), it is meant for him and me, not him and StepMom? Or more pointedly, that StepMom is the one who should be asking the school office if there are any extra tickets, not me?

In other words, is this worth making an issue of?

Possibly relevant factors:
1. I have no objection at all to StepMom coming to the concert - no issues with her.
2. When school concert tickets came home last year, I kept one for me and sent one to Dad with kid on changeover day.
3. It would never occur to me to use parent tickets to bring my bf to Kid's concert - he's not her dad.
4. Ex can be a royal pain in the neck to deal with, but the last couple of months he's been pretty civil ...
5. ... but nonetheless when ex says he "forgot" something, he generally didn't really forget it - he made a choice that he knew I wouldn't like and so he decided not to tell me (I learned this over the course of 20 years of marriage).
6. Extra tickets are available.

Any thoughts? I don't want to fire off an unnecessary email, but I also don't like Dad's presumptions here.
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  #2  
Old 11-27-2014, 04:28 PM
Straittohell Straittohell is offline
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Well, you're right, there are two scenarios:

1) Your ex really did forget, so let it go.

2) Your ex did it to push your buttons, but you're not going to let him know that he got to you..... so let it go.

I've had very little success in reminding my ex when she's made decisions that cut me out. She usually ignores the email or denies intent.

I think you're correct in staying away from calling him out.

You could send him an email to confirm that if the school has no more tickets, that he would be giving one of the tickets to you, and see what he says, just to test him.

Either way, the onus should be put on the school to respect that there are a number of non-nuclear families that have involved step-parents, and those step-parents should be considered in the process.
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Old 11-27-2014, 04:34 PM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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As the plus one of dad for a graduation with limited tickets I would say check with the school BUT also mention it to him. In our case mom got four tickets and used them all for her family members without saying anything to dad. Instead she assumed that he wouldnt travel and left it to kid to invite him. He just contacted the teacher who had extra tickets so he himself could go.

So my opinion would be to ask the school and if you want to poke the dragon, make a mention of it. For future, can you avoid it all and ask the teacher/school to send one home with kid? Or ask ahead of time for both and then give dad one.

Its totally unfair the way it was played and stepmom should have absolutely offered up her ticket but from the sounds of it, dad was wrong to not immediately say something.

Doesnt matter who kid is with the week of the concert, both parents should go. Dad is sounding like an ass.

This sounds like a pick your battles thing. If theres no tickets left then yes absolutely email dad but if theres tickets, take them and then be proactive next year or next event.

Just my two cents. As the partner my first statement to dad about the grad was "only if there are extra tickets".
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Old 11-27-2014, 04:35 PM
Serene Serene is offline
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The school will accommodate you one of two ways:

Giving you a ticket for yourself or retracting a ticket from dad.

Deal with the school for this instance. And then write a polite email to principal with dad copied that your expectation is that they recognize both parents being in two separate homes moving forward. In our case, the school has been very accommodating since we advised them "things/information don't flow as they should between the child's two homes".
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Old 11-27-2014, 04:40 PM
Links17 Links17 is offline
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When presented with multiple paths always seek the path that doesn't require you to involve the other parent.
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Old 11-27-2014, 05:04 PM
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Janibel Janibel is offline
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If I were you I'd let the presumptuous Ex think whatever he wants and simply ask the kidlet's teacher to send you an extra ticket or two. Don't even bother with him over this.

I've found that my e-mails to the Ex are more productive when they are few and far between. He 'knows' that if I take the time to write to him - it means that's it's important! Important as in "deal with this (fool) or deal with my lawyer".
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Old 11-27-2014, 06:48 PM
stripes stripes is offline
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Thanks all. You confirmed the direction I was leaning in: yes, the ex is (probably) being an ass, but no, that does not mean I have to call him out for it every single time. Teacher has confirmed that there are extra tickets, being sent home with kid. I'll ask the teacher next year in advance about sending extra tickets.

I like Link17's motto that given a choice between two paths, one ought to choose the one that requires the least interaction with the ex.
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