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Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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Old 02-13-2013, 07:03 PM
sgw1 sgw1 is offline
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Default Childrens privacy

Recently I had to issue a punishment to my S13 and D11 due to lying. I revoked the childrens privaleges to cell phones and computers. The Stbx is now making a fuss over the children not being allowed to bring their electrontics into my home durring my parenting week.

A quick summery of what caused the punishment. D11 was using her cell phone to call mother everynight after bedtime and Mother was also calling D11 cell phone after bedtime and keeping D11 up late in the evening.
I confronted both D11 and the mother about the phone calls and both denied that it was happening.
S13 was staying up late playing World of Warcraft video games and having trouble getting up for school in the morning. S13 had his computer privalages revoked.

Stbx has now expressed her displeasure over the discipline and the fact that I refuse to allow the childrens electronics into my home and that the children now have to use the hose phone to contact the mother before curfew and that she does not approve that the children have to use a land phone and do not have privacy when talking to mother.

I am just about ready to tell Stbx to go get bent over this issue.
Old 02-13-2013, 08:07 PM
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arabian arabian is offline
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Cell phones etc. are probably the most important currency you have for children of this age. I admire your determination to raise your children in a manner which teaches them of consequences to actions. You have rules in your home and that's that. Good for you!
Old 02-13-2013, 08:45 PM
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It is okay for their mom to express her opinion. She should only express it to you though, and accept that it is your house.

I like that you don't allow the phones/computers in the house, makes enforcing the rules easier.

Restricting access to call the the other parent is usually a bad idea, however in this case, it seems reasonable to say no calls after bedtime. Given that your kids (presumably) spend significant time with their mom, they don't need privacy at your house when calling her.

Tell their mom that you hear what she said, but have decided to follow through with your decision and hope that she can understand that it is best for the kids that you back each other up even when you disagree on these small issues.
Old 02-13-2013, 09:32 PM
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I think it's reasonable. A gentle word of caution, in this day in age with technology and communication via cellphones it could be viewed as restricting communication.

Having said my own home there is no electronics allowed in bedrooms at lights out. It may be an option for a continued rule in your home if there is an end date to the punishment of absolutely no electronics at all.

Best of luck!
Old 02-13-2013, 09:54 PM
SadAndTired SadAndTired is offline
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I did a bit of research on canlii about telephone contact. My stbx calls the children nightly to ask about their day and say goodnight. I wasn't sure if nightly calls were more than usually expected, normal, less, etc.

I know when the kids are at their Dad's, I enjoy calling to say goodnight so I offer to him what I like to have as well..... The kids seem to look forward to the nightly call from the parent they aren't with.

My canlii research showed that calling every other night is the most common judge's decision (as opposed to no calls, every night, once a week, etc.) Usually a time is ordered that the call must be before (eg. 8 pm) and a length (10 minutes) or "reasonable duration" is specified.

What I was surprised about (although it makes perfect sense) is that at least one judge ordered that the children were to be allowed to speak to the parent in private. After some thought, I think that is for the best. If the child needs to tell the parent something important or private, they should be allowed to. I know parents sometimes manipulate children, but they can do that anyway on their own time with the child anyway, right? I think it is important for the child to be able to speak to the parent in private.

Kudos to you for establishing rules and enforcing the consequence. My only point is that you offer the kids a quiet room to talk to their mom in (during the hours that you set) if you want. Perhaps a cordless phone?
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