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My ex and daughter have decided without my input as to where she is going for university - it turns out it is out of province and will be 33% more expensive that most other reputable universities in Ontario. I've made my point but they pretend I don't exist and are proceeding with sign up. My agreement uses the word reasonable and acceptable but I somehow don't think I can do anything about this. It is my guess that my ex will later claim she can't afford to help (she has mentioned this previously and now seems ok with everything) and I'll be left holding the bag. Withholding payments has never been my style and I support the notion she should attend university, just don't want to pay the additional money. Total cost is expected to be >$30K per year. What can I do? ... help!.
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Arrange a session with a mediator and express your concerns, have open mediation so you get a report afterwards. If the ex doesn't live up to her end, you at least have a witnessed report. However ultimately you have no way to stop this. Start saving your money. -
I would send your ex a letter via lawyer stating that you are willing to cover your reasonable portion of your daughter university costs within the province of Ontario. State that you believe the costs associated with her education outside of the province are unreasonable and therefore, will only pay an amount equal to what you would be required to pay should your daughter go to school in Ontario.
You may get dragged to court, and you may be ordered by a judge to pay at the end of the day. But you would put yourself in a better position if you agreed to pay an amount equal to what the costs of going to university in Ontario. And that if you daughter wishes to incur extra costs by continuing her education outside the province, she should accept responsibility for paying such extra amount.Comment
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Is there a particular reason why she is going out of province? If it is for a program which is not offered in Ontario or of a significantly better quality than is offered in Ontario, then you might be up a creek. On the other hand, if she's taking general psychology at UBC because "mountains are pretty", then it would be harder for the ex to argue that it's reasonable.
Either way, an uphill battle for sure.Comment
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The expectation is that your child will also be contributing towards her own education via student loans, bursaries, grants and savings.
The overall cost shouldn't be that bad, perhaps a few thousand dollars a year.
Essentially: Total Yearly Cost = Tuition + books (@60% of cost (used)) + labs fees +residence/meal plan (If she CHOOSES to live with friends, you shouldn't be on the hook for any increase) + 2 trips home per year at the cheapest method of public transit available. (bus typically).
Now.... Total Yearly Cost - Student Loans/Scholarships/Bursaries (child is obligated to apply for these things) = actual to be paid
Of the Actual to be paid.. 1/3 is the child's responsibility (working/savings/etc). 2/3 is to be split proportional to income between you and your ex.
You knew this day would come, hopefully you have been planning for it.Comment
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Part of the University experience for many is the very act of leaving the province. or moving a significant distance away.
It should be her choice on what school she wants to attend, not yours - or her mother's.
Just my opinion.Comment
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In my opinion, the law states reasonable expenses. That means just what is says, My ex is getting off paying anything for my son's two years of university because he claims he cannot afford it, and the rulings say reasonable expense that the parents can afford. I am stuck with the bill for two years of university, and no, osap does not cover the full amount. With my son's earnings all through high school and osap, I was still short 4000.00 per year.Comment
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And should the costs associated with her decision be above and beyond the costs associated with staying in the province, she should accept those as her responsibility also.Originally posted by wretchedotis View Post
Unless, as another poster mentioned, there is a reason why she needs to leave the province (ie. type of course or significantly better course), she can receive her education within the province for a significantly reduced cost.Comment
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Sorry for butting in - what about the situation where the kid didn't make into the local University and has to go out of province? Is it OK to put a cap on parents' expenses?Comment
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The kid in question made it into 3 excellent ontario universities, let the deadlines slip by until her out of province school was all that was left. Clever, for sure and everyone knows you just can't push a rope. Smart kid.Comment
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Well I didn't really speak about money in my last post in this thread. The reason being that I paid my own way through university through jobs/grants/loans. My personal opinion is that every kid should do the same.
It should be a parents CHOICE whether to help or not. Unfortunately that is not the law for seperated parents. Odd how thats a perfectly legitimate position to have if parents are still married - isn't it?
If I were you - I would offer the expenses you would have to pay if she were to stay in province. If its an issue - tell her to take a year off and reappky next year in province. She could work and save if thats the case
otherwise - it's her choice and she should feel welcome to come up with the difference in monies on her own in order to make it happen. How bad does she want it?Comment
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Not really different from being married. Married or not, if both parents decide not to help, then the parents don't have to help.Originally posted by wretchedotis View Post
If you are married, and one parent decides to help and the other does not, then both parents help because you are married and the assets are equally owned - one parent spends both parents money to help.
If you are separated and one parent decides to help, the courts will force the other to help - so this is the same situation as being married - one parent decides to spend both parents money to help.Comment
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Originally posted by billm View Post
It would seem so simple. But one parental unit (married couple) is not equal to two parental units (mom and dad living different lives).
A couple still married are likely to come to a compromise on this issue, or any other for that fact. Divorced couples are likely to take a hard stance on opposite sides of the spectrum - and have no interest in compromise.
Even should both parents disgree in a marriage - their living arrangements are such that there is only one household to maintain, and the cost of life is substantially lower for both. So one parent subsidizing the others decision by the use of common assets does not impinge on the other nearly as much.Comment
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Post Secondary Money issues
I favour offering to help with what I can and showing my two children what my situation is. Nope. I haven't planned well for this. Second marriage down the tubes, some extra costs there. I am just tired of other people telling me what I should pay. Married people may have pressure form their kids or each other, but no one forces them to help their children. Seems like discrimination against divorced people. I am just going to try to do it my way and see what happens. Again, I am tired of expectations of others on this. I payed the majority of my own way at university and hope to support my children where and when they need it to the best level I am capable of.Comment
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