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Uncontested divorce without equilization?

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  • Uncontested divorce without equilization?

    Hi,
    Is it possible for my wife and I to separate and live apart for one year and then file for divorce and only the divorce? Are we allowed to just do our own private equilization payment amongst ourselves and just get the legal divorce without asking for an equilization payment? Or is this equilization payment required by law?
    Last edited by toilet; 06-12-2018, 11:36 PM. Reason: Was worded bad

  • #2
    Originally posted by toilet View Post
    Hi,
    Is it possible for my wife and I to separate and live apart for one year and then file for divorce and only the divorce? Are we allowed to just do our own private equilization payment amongst ourselves and just get the legal divorce without asking for an equilization payment? Or is this equilization payment required by law?


    What is the difference between a "private equalization payment amongst ourselves" and "an equalization payment"?


    You don't have to do anything ever. Presumably though you want to move on with your life? If you don't have an agreement, there is a good chance that this is going to come back later to haunt you.


    Why are you pushing so hard to avoid making an agreement? What is the issue?

    Comment


    • #3
      I'm not sure what the cost is to have a separation agreement prepared. and whether the lawyers who prepared that will force us to get independent legal advice. so two more lawyer bills on top of the bill to prepare the agreement. Would this end up costing $5,000 for a separation agreement plus independent legal advice? That's what we don't really want.


      When I said an agreement amongst ourselves, I meant a verbal agreement where she takes more than her legal 50/50 share, and I just leave with my inheritance. I was worried that when we file for divorce a year from now, even if it's joint and uncontested, the courts or whoever grants the divorce would force her to give back the extra that I gave her, and would demand proof that she had.


      That's why we were hoping to just get the divorce without the courts messing around with our pensions, assets, splitting things up etc. when we don't want them to touch that or consider it at all.

      Comment


      • #4
        I paid $3000 for my separation agreement, and I had kids so it was more complicated. I think my ex paid about $500 for his independent legal advice.

        Without this step, she could always come back after you. Five years later she could come back, asking for money. It’s better to get it done properly now than to always be looking over your shoulder.


        Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by toilet View Post
          I'm not sure what the cost is to have a separation agreement prepared. and whether the lawyers who prepared that will force us to get independent legal advice. so two more lawyer bills on top of the bill to prepare the agreement. Would this end up costing $5,000 for a separation agreement plus independent legal advice? That's what we don't really want.

          You write up the agreement yourselves. You each pay for one hour with a lawyer. Total cost $400-$800 depending on how much you feel like spending on a lawyer.

          When I said an agreement amongst ourselves, I meant a verbal agreement where she takes more than her legal 50/50 share, and I just leave with my inheritance. I was worried that when we file for divorce a year from now, even if it's joint and uncontested, the courts or whoever grants the divorce would force her to give back the extra that I gave her, and would demand proof that she had.
          Honestly, you have some very weird notions about family law. It might be worth it to pay a lawyer to look over your agreement, it is possible you are getting horribly screwed. In particular...

          she takes more than her legal 50/50 share, and I just leave with my inheritance
          Pardon?

          That's why we were hoping to just get the divorce without the courts messing around with our pensions, assets, splitting things up etc. when we don't want them to touch that or consider it at all.
          If you guys are being sorta fair, nobody is going to mess with anything. The only issue is if one side is getting screwed, and side receiving the screwage decides not to be screwed.

          In your case, one of two things is likely happening:

          1) You are feeling guilty for some reason, and have decided to give her more money than she deserves. Don't be silly. Split it fairly and give her money two years from now if you are so inclined.

          2) You are taking advantage of her. Don't be silly, either your lack of agreement will screw you down the road, or her lawyer will let her know she is getting screwed.

          Stop trying to get out of the agreement. You don't need a lawyer, you don't need to go to court. You DO however, need to write something up, and if you guys are too scared to write something up, then that means that somebody is getting screwed.

          Comment


          • #6
            Definitely #1 - I do feel guilty. We started dating when she was 27, she’s now 37 and I didn’t give her the kids she wanted to have. But at the same time I feel like I’ve been backed into a corner. She’s legally entitled to her half of the equity but wants more because of all the years she could have had children.

            She’s threatened to keep the dog if I don’t do what she wants. I have no close family or friends and have depression, so the dog means everything to me. She’s also said that if I don’t give her her half plus my half, she would contest the divorce or do whatever she could to make sure my lawyer fees add up to what I did not give her. Plus she’d keep the dog. I guess it’s not really as amicable as I say it is. It’s only amicable if I do what she wants. Feel kind of helpless and not sure what to do.

            Comment


            • #7
              you can get another dog, the shelters are full of them all looking for loving homes. In fact you would be helping an animal who is probably depressed from being in a shelter. Win, win for both.

              Just offer to settle with her getting her legal share. She can threaten all she wants but in the end she isnt entitled to be compensated for the time she could of had kids. Get a lawyer to send a strongly worded letter to her about the law and what she is entitled to. Make sure that costs are mentioned so she realizes it could cost her more then she thinks in the end. You keep a tight rein on your lawyer then you can keep your costs down.

              I wonder if her offering the dog if you do what she wants can be considered some sort of blackmail or extortion?

              Comment


              • #8
                Hopefully she put her threats in text or email? Do not delete.

                I think Standing has a wonderful idea about adopting a dog from the Humane Society...

                The thing is that you can come to a verbal agreement with someone and then life happens... she has a new beau... you get a new g/f (hopefully) and things seem grand then BAM someone's life goes for shit and out of frustration they decide to go after the old ex to make up for their lot in life.

                Best to spend some money now, do it right, rather than live in dread of something coming back to bite you in the backend in the future.

                You can get lots of advice on here on what to put in your separation agreement (and what not to). If you want to draft things up yourself, I believe their are probably some templates kicking around that you can use. You can then take it to your respective lawyers and have them legalize everything. Alternately, you can simply hire a competent lawyer to take care of things. Your ex would receive a letter from your lawyer and she would then likely go and get her own lawyer. After they blow smoke up her ass (and tell her of all the money she MIGHT be able to get from you) she will face some reality in that the lawyer will require a substantial retainer from her to fight you and go after more money. You know her current financial situation - how do you think she would handle having to come up with 5 - 6k? She will likely either get down to serious negotiation with you or stupidly try to go for more than she is entitled to.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by toilet View Post
                  Definitely #1 - I do feel guilty. We started dating when she was 27, she’s now 37 and I didn’t give her the kids she wanted to have. But at the same time I feel like I’ve been backed into a corner. She’s legally entitled to her half of the equity but wants more because of all the years she could have had children.

                  She’s threatened to keep the dog if I don’t do what she wants. I have no close family or friends and have depression, so the dog means everything to me. She’s also said that if I don’t give her her half plus my half, she would contest the divorce or do whatever she could to make sure my lawyer fees add up to what I did not give her. Plus she’d keep the dog. I guess it’s not really as amicable as I say it is. It’s only amicable if I do what she wants. Feel kind of helpless and not sure what to do.
                  Give her the dog and 60-70% of what she wants and be happy. Otherwise, she can start war and ask for alimony.... and if she gets sick you screwed. And spend on lawyers over 50.000 if it goes to court. Give her the dog and run away fast.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    What if I just secretly look for a bachelor apartment for rent, and then randomly disappear one day with the dog, then get a divorce lawyer and go after my 50% share of the equity instead of being this pushover that I am. Would I have given up my share by leaving? Just trying to thinking of some scenarios where I could keep the dog and my share of the equity

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Why does she get the dog over you? I don’t blame you about needing to keep the dog in your life (not just ANY random dog), but why would you compensate her for not having children? That’s crazy ass.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by toilet View Post
                        What if I just secretly look for a bachelor apartment for rent, and then randomly disappear one day with the dog, then get a divorce lawyer and go after my 50% share of the equity instead of being this pushover that I am. Would I have given up my share by leaving? Just trying to thinking of some scenarios where I could keep the dog and my share of the equity


                        You wouldn’t be giving up your share, but it may be years before you see it. And the dog just might make her fight harder.


                        Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by toilet View Post
                          What if I just secretly look for a bachelor apartment for rent, and then randomly disappear one day with the dog, then get a divorce lawyer and go after my 50% share of the equity instead of being this pushover that I am. Would I have given up my share by leaving? Just trying to thinking of some scenarios where I could keep the dog and my share of the equity
                          You flip between being a doormat and somebody who is looking to escalate the situation. You must be an emotional wreck.

                          If you want the dog that badly, just take it one day and give it to a friend. (Obviously don't tell the ex where the dog is). The dog is property, at worst you will have to pay half of the value of the dog to your ex. You don't need to move out anywhere. I'll break down the steps for you.

                          1) You take dog, give it to friend
                          2) You write up your separation agreement
                          3) She refuses to sign it
                          4) You go to court, which gives you 50% equity minus the value of the dog.

                          Tada! You get dog AND equity. What's the issue?

                          It really is that easy. You can even skip steps 2 and 3 if you are so inclined.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            You know I'm not a toker but jasus I could swear we're communicating with one here....

                            a dog lives till what... 7 - 10 years?

                            Litigation can go on in family court for a decade easily.

                            I take it you are the non-combatant type of person... you have assets... you want peace in your life... you want your dog... you aren't suffering financially. You are, however, suffering emotionally by this whole break-up.

                            Talk to a lawyer. I hate to say this, as I generally think these are stupid things, but ask the lawyer to arrange a 4-way meeting (you, your lawyer, your ex and her lawyer). Come to an agreement and there you go. Bob's your Uncle. 4 hours later you sign an Order on Consent. The lawyers fax it into the courthouse. You wait a while and you and your have your divorce.

                            Failing this go to "binding arbitration" and avoid courtroom drama.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              but why would you compensate her for not having children? That’s crazy ass.
                              You might if you strung someone along and felt guilty about it. i am not sure if toilet is the same poster, there was a poster several months ago who talked about feeling guilty for stringing along a spouse, originally saying going to have kids, but didnt really want to, and never did, now leaving because spouse wanted kids. so if you strung someone along until they were in their late 30's, ethically that is pretty low, the odds of having children is drasticaly lower, and that is a life changing thing. is there a such thing as being able to sue for breach of promise or something like that in Canada? I dont know. On the other hand, I wouldnt have waited uptil my late 30's to move on from someone if I really wanted kids, I would have divorced far earlier.

                              Comment

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