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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #11  
Old 01-22-2019, 11:30 AM
iona6656 iona6656 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CoolGuy41 View Post
You sound like a bitch.
she really doesn't.
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  #12  
Old 01-22-2019, 11:35 AM
iona6656 iona6656 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by StillPaying View Post
This doesn't seem like blackmail or abuse. It seems like you both take vacations each year and he doesn't trust that you'll give consent, so he wants you both to agree to each others travels at the same time, even if he only says I plan to go sometime in May...
It actually kind of does- given that she's said she's never objected to his travel plans. If that's the case, then why does he need to receive consent for his plans before she gets hers? It's tit for tat.


I'd go with Rocksan's suggestion- simple language.
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  #13  
Old 01-22-2019, 11:47 AM
StillPaying StillPaying is offline
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Quote:
" I will give you consent if you give me consent to my travel later"
He's not asking for a consent letter now before her. He's asking for a meaningless confirmation that he can take his usual vacation. There's no harm in writing back that it's ok.

This is not the same thing as the travel letter that she is getting. Once he provides the details, she can still not approve it if it's unreasonable.
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  #14  
Old 01-22-2019, 12:06 PM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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It is unreasonable behaviour on his part.

If the tables were turned and it was him saying please consent and she said she would only do so if he agreed to xyz, you all would be up in arms.

Why does he need to state this now? There should be no conditions on his consent. If he is concerned she won’t consent later then he can remind her he was reasonable when she asked.

Its a no brainer. Requests for consent with full travel details should receive a yes period. There is no need for a “only if you do what I want”.

Its a control issue and her ex wants to control her by adding the condition.
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  #15  
Old 01-22-2019, 12:12 PM
StillPaying StillPaying is offline
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I agree. It's a control thing. She can take control, say no, ask some more, stress, then go to court. Or she can just write back, 'ok' and be done with it. Address his travel when you get the details, but there's no issue in writing back and ending this now. Whether you should or not, who cares.
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  #16  
Old 01-22-2019, 12:21 PM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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Anyone who has been through dealing with difficult people training has learned that the only way to deal with this type of situation is to be assertive and set boundaries. While it is easy to say “save yourself the stress and say yes”, all this does is empower the unreasonable person to continue to seek ways of disrespecting boundaries.

He should not be setting conditions and by pushing back she is setting a healthy boundary. By saying no she solves nothing. Saying this is an unreasonable request and pointing out the unfairness of setting conditions demonstrates to her ex that he cannot set his own conditions on things.
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  #17  
Old 01-22-2019, 12:38 PM
HammerDad HammerDad is offline
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IMO, this is a non-issue outside of the obvious fact that neither party likes each other. One party sees abuse where there is none, and the other has unnecessary trust issues with an issue that has never been contentious (to our knowledge).

Replying to the ex that you've never refused in the past to provide the letter, and that you have no intentions on doing so in the future to any reasonable travel request. That once you receive the details, you will work with them on providing the letter. This allows you to remind them that you always have agreed to before so their paranoia is unwarranted, that you are being reasonable and leaves an out should the ex say they want to travel to North Korea or Syria or something (ie. a place that is not reasonable).
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  #18  
Old 01-22-2019, 03:50 PM
thefunone thefunone is offline
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Is his travel usually local (ie a cottage week) or something where he will be going through Customs?
I suspect that if he plans travel that you would not agree with, he wants to have this previous blanket agreement in his back pocket.
Is there travel (outside of anything potentially dangerous to the children) that you would not agree with?

I think the fact that you have an email chain showing your willingness to provide your own travel details/itinerary while at the same time showing he's looking for a blanket agreement for sometime in the future, shows to a court what is going on (should it ever have to come to that).
Not sure if you both have counsel or not but perhaps an email sent between counsel to identify the ridiculousness of his stance, your willingness to provide consent on information received and then lay out the court costs to be paid should this matter have to get resolved in court may put a quick end to the nonsense.
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  #19  
Old 01-22-2019, 07:05 PM
StillPaying StillPaying is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by thefunone View Post
Is his travel usually local (ie a cottage week) or something where he will be going through Customs?
I suspect that if he plans travel that you would not agree with, he wants to have this previous blanket agreement in his back pocket.
Is there travel (outside of anything potentially dangerous to the children) that you would not agree with?
You wouldn't need a travel letter for local trips and she's not giving a blanket agreement, just confirming what's in their agreement already. There's lots of reasons to deny travel (destination, duration, travelers, etc). It'll be based on what's in the order/agreement, and what's reasonable.

I see this as a controlling ex. He basically just wants her to say 'please'. She can argue it, take it to court and easily win... or just say it and be done with it. Perhaps they should add a sentence to their travel letter template confirming the details about how they both can travel each year and travel will not be unreasonably withheld.
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