Ottawa Divorce .com Forums


User CP

New posts

Advertising

  Ottawa Divorce .com Forums > Main Category > Financial Issues

Financial Issues This forum is for discussing any of the financial issues involved in your divorce.

Reply
 
Thread Tools
  #21  
Old 03-18-2021, 07:42 AM
standing on the sidelines standing on the sidelines is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Kitchener Ontario
Posts: 5,667
standing on the sidelines is on a distinguished road
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Berner_Faith View Post
Why do you care how he pays you as long as it�s paid? You don�t think he should get to choose how he pays you but you think you get to choose? You can�t afford the house, stop acting like a spoiled brat and put on big girl panties. Be an adult and make good financial decisions. The sooner you sell the sooner you get your money.

But what you�re trying to do is continue to live on his dime as long as you can before actually being forced to sell... a typical want your cake and eat it too...


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
I really wish we had a button to like a post..
Reply With Quote
  #22  
Old 03-18-2021, 08:50 AM
rockscan rockscan is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 5,874
rockscan will become famous soon enoughrockscan will become famous soon enough
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by standing on the sidelines View Post
I really wish we had a button to like a post..

Me too!




Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Reply With Quote
  #23  
Old 03-18-2021, 09:44 AM
Brampton33 Brampton33 is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2021
Posts: 88
Brampton33 is on a distinguished road
Default

This is a case where the ex husband will get 100% costs associated with his court process. Moreover, judges leave notes in files and OP will get labelled as "unreasonable"....it will be a HARD road in court for OP if she doesn't shape up.
Reply With Quote
  #24  
Old 03-18-2021, 10:23 AM
Stillbreathing Stillbreathing is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 619
Stillbreathing will become famous soon enough
Default

Berner_Faith, your comment “ The sooner you sell, the sooner you get your money” is incorrect to put it mildly! Our matrimonial home has been sold for six years now and I still haven’t seen a dime! It remains in trust with the lawyer while the kids and I struggle financially. Your comment is supposed to be how things work but reality says it’s bs. Instead of resulting in both parties getting their share of the matrimonial home equity, sometimes the only result of selling the home is making the party who has custody of the children and the children homeless. As I have said before on another thread, beware the unintended consequences of forcing something such as the sale of the matrimonial home. Think long and hard about the doors it will open that you had no intention of opening. Such as will selling the home make your spouse and kids homeless? Will it cause them to have to move in with parents, partners? Will it open the doors for them to move somewhere like another city, province or country? For every action there is an opposite and equal reaction. You force one door closed and another will open for your spouse but it may not have been one you wanted opened. Beware!
Reply With Quote
  #25  
Old 03-18-2021, 11:13 AM
trueblue22 trueblue22 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2020
Posts: 123
trueblue22 has a little shameless behaviour in the past
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Stillbreathing View Post
Berner_Faith, your comment “ The sooner you sell, the sooner you get your money” is incorrect to put it mildly! Our matrimonial home has been sold for six years now and I still haven’t seen a dime! It remains in trust with the lawyer while the kids and I struggle financially. Your comment is supposed to be how things work but reality says it’s bs. Instead of resulting in both parties getting their share of the matrimonial home equity, sometimes the only result of selling the home is making the party who has custody of the children and the children homeless. As I have said before on another thread, beware the unintended consequences of forcing something such as the sale of the matrimonial home. Think long and hard about the doors it will open that you had no intention of opening. Such as will selling the home make your spouse and kids homeless? Will it cause them to have to move in with parents, partners? Will it open the doors for them to move somewhere like another city, province or country? For every action there is an opposite and equal reaction. You force one door closed and another will open for your spouse but it may not have been one you wanted opened. Beware!
This is exactly what I don't want to happen. If the house sells and my ex is mortgage free he'll get a new property, build equity and not be forced to care about my wellbeing while money I need to live is sitting in trust. Not to mention I think the lawyers will have a pool of money they know they can access to request all legal fees be paid from so they are more motivated to keep the case going.
Reply With Quote
  #26  
Old 03-18-2021, 11:16 AM
rockscan rockscan is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 5,874
rockscan will become famous soon enoughrockscan will become famous soon enough
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by trueblue22 View Post
This is exactly what I don't want to happen. If the house sells and my ex is mortgage free he'll get a new property, build equity and not be forced to care about my wellbeing while money I need to live is sitting in trust. Not to mention I think the lawyers will have a pool of money they know they can access to request all legal fees be paid from so they are more motivated to keep the case going.

Stillbreathings case involves an unreasonable ex who wont work collaboratively and settle the matter. You cant compare yourself to her as you are the one being unreasonable. If you dont want this to happen, figure out what you are entitled to and settle your matter. Your ex clearly wants to move on with his life and cut his unnecessary ties to you. YOU are the one making unnecessary demands and holding things up. Your lawyer will blow smoke up your ass to increase their billings. Do the research and get your shit together.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Reply With Quote
  #27  
Old 03-18-2021, 12:30 PM
Stillbreathing Stillbreathing is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 619
Stillbreathing will become famous soon enough
Default

Trueblue22 your worries are exactly what happened to me. They can force the sale of the home whether you like it or not and whether it leaves you destitute or not. It does in fact provide a lovely pot of instant money for the lawyers to access. Five years ago a judge released a lot of money ( long spent now) to my lawyer for legal fees and 5000 to me to feed, clothe and house my children ( whom I have full custody of) until trial. Let’s see, it’s been 5 years now ..., so 1000/year or 83.33/ month to house, feed and clothe my children and myself... We’d all have starved to death long ago had I not thought to myself, f the judge I have to do what I gave to do to provide for my children. Needless to say, my ex was surprised when I did what I had to do to feed and take care of my kids. The judge was surprised too but totally understood and even said I had in hindsight made the best decision for the children . He went on to say that if he were our trial judge he would have agreed with my decision. The court is under the misguided assumption that selling the home will
somehow, miraculously make you and your ex settle things more quickly. In most
cases this is true.

I would recommend you allow the house to be sold. It’s not fair, especially if it’s owed to you fully paid for ( as in my case) but the law is rigid and always starts with the premise that it is half the other spouse’s. The law is not willing to wait until you go to trial to prove that you are entitled to an unequal division of assets or prove that your worse half owes the home to you as part of the equalization.

The law only pays lip service to the best interest of the kids, only the parents can truely know the best interest of the kids. In my case the best interests of my kids was not to be living under a bridge or begging for food while we waited for years and years to go to trial. In all fairness, the judge had no idea the litigation would be going on this long and in fact never end... I however knew that this would be the case. So I did what I had to do and now I have an excellent job, housing and no problems feeding or clothing my kids.

Get this painful part of your life over with. Sell the damn house and move on with your life. It’s not worth the stress and aggravation to try to hold on to it. The best revenge is to make something of yourself despite ongoing, never ending litigation and your house funds stuck in limbo for years. It sure as hell pissed off my ex that I am now making almost triple the amount of money I made in any given year during our marriage. I’ve taken courses, improved myself and have several projects on the go that keep my mind hopeful on a future that has nothing to do with our relentless litigation. My ex set out to destroy every source of income I had and it infuriates him that the children and I are thriving despite everything he has done. Now that’s the kind of revenge you should aim for!!!!
Reply With Quote
  #28  
Old 03-18-2021, 12:59 PM
rockscan rockscan is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 5,874
rockscan will become famous soon enoughrockscan will become famous soon enough
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Stillbreathing View Post
Trueblue22 your worries are exactly what happened to me. They can force the sale of the home whether you like it or not and whether it leaves you destitute or not. It does in fact provide a lovely pot of instant money for the lawyers to access. Five years ago a judge released a lot of money ( long spent now) to my lawyer for legal fees and 5000 to me to feed, clothe and house my children ( whom I have full custody of) until trial. Lets see, its been 5 years now ..., so 1000/year or 83.33/ month to house, feed and clothe my children and myself... Wed all have starved to death long ago had I not thought to myself, f the judge I have to do what I gave to do to provide for my children. Needless to say, my ex was surprised when I did what I had to do to feed and take care of my kids. The judge was surprised too but totally understood and even said I had in hindsight made the best decision for the children . He went on to say that if he were our trial judge he would have agreed with my decision. The court is under the misguided assumption that selling the home will
somehow, miraculously make you and your ex settle things more quickly. In most
cases this is true.

I would recommend you allow the house to be sold. Its not fair, especially if its owed to you fully paid for ( as in my case) but the law is rigid and always starts with the premise that it is half the other spouses. The law is not willing to wait until you go to trial to prove that you are entitled to an unequal division of assets or prove that your worse half owes the home to you as part of the equalization.

The law only pays lip service to the best interest of the kids, only the parents can truely know the best interest of the kids. In my case the best interests of my kids was not to be living under a bridge or begging for food while we waited for years and years to go to trial. In all fairness, the judge had no idea the litigation would be going on this long and in fact never end... I however knew that this would be the case. So I did what I had to do and now I have an excellent job, housing and no problems feeding or clothing my kids.

Get this painful part of your life over with. Sell the damn house and move on with your life. Its not worth the stress and aggravation to try to hold on to it. The best revenge is to make something of yourself despite ongoing, never ending litigation and your house funds stuck in limbo for years. It sure as hell pissed off my ex that I am now making almost triple the amount of money I made in any given year during our marriage. Ive taken courses, improved myself and have several projects on the go that keep my mind hopeful on a future that has nothing to do with our relentless litigation. My ex set out to destroy every source of income I had and it infuriates him that the children and I are thriving despite everything he has done. Now thats the kind of revenge you should aim for!!!!

SB, you and OP are so not the same. This is a case of someone believing they are entitled to more and expecting their ex to continue to finance their lifestyle as long as they want with as much money as they want because their ex makes six figures. In reality she has lived for free in a house in her exs name and thinks he should hand it over and continue to pay her spousal and child support. They also have 50/50 and locked him out of HIS house because he was showing up to see the kids without her power.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Reply With Quote
  #29  
Old 03-18-2021, 01:15 PM
Brampton33 Brampton33 is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2021
Posts: 88
Brampton33 is on a distinguished road
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by rockscan View Post
This is a case of someone believing they are entitled to more and expecting their ex to continue to finance their lifestyle as long as they want with as much money as they want because their ex makes six figures. In reality she has lived for free in a house in her ex�s name and thinks he should hand it over and continue to pay her spousal and child support. They also have 50/50 and locked him out of HIS house because he was showing up to see the kids without her power. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Lets not forget to mention that OP stated she would not be approved to take over the house alone (and with new bf) and this upsets her. She expects her ex to stay on title of the house so she can live in it. OP's ex cannot move forward with his life and purchase a home of his own while he is stuck on title of previous home. OP has said it upsets her that her ex (making $500k/year) will be able to purchase new home, meanwhile she will not get approved for a home herself. This is partly due to her own choices of leaving a $150k/year job to start a business that is not doing as well as hoped. Also, new bf is heavily in debt from his own previous marriage failure. I commend the ex for having as much patience as he has had. Imagine having your ex ask you to fund a lifestyle for you and your new boyfriend?
Reply With Quote
  #30  
Old 03-18-2021, 01:38 PM
Stillbreathing Stillbreathing is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 619
Stillbreathing will become famous soon enough
Default

Yes the situations are different. I do believe her best course of action is to sell the home whether her fears are justified or not. Her actions are likely rooted in fear of some sort as evidenced by her response fearing if she sells the home she will not be able to access the funds left in trust but the lawyers will. That is a realistic fear and does and can happen. That happened to me.
To the OP, divorce is painful and unfair and some of your worst fears may come true, however you have the choice of making things better for yourself or worse. Your ex does have the legal right to half the equity in the home. You do not have the legal right to lock him out of his house. Sure you can change the locks but he can come with his own locksmith and change the locks too. In fact you can both play that game and continually change the locks without giving the other a key. If you or he have to break a window to get in you are both allowed to as it’s both your home. My ex tried playing the game of padlocking the gates to our property to lock me out so I had a friend of mine use a bolt cutter every time. That game went on for a few weeks before my ex got tired of purchasing new locks. The law may not seem fair at times but you have to abide by it.
If you are living in the home and your ex is not, you may have to pay your ex occupation rent for that time. If it takes several years to settle your matter you may be on the hook for several years occupation rent to your ex which will be taken out of your settlement. Do you want that?

Staying in the matrimonial home can be more stressful than moving out. I had a court order for exclusive possession and moved out and went into hiding as my ex carried things a lot further than locking me out ( he booby trapped the property).

In your case
You can change the locks as many times as you wish but so can he. Do you really want to play that game?
You both own 50% of the home which includes equity and expenses.Can you afford to pay him out and then cover 100% of the expenses? If yes, make him an offer. If no, put the house up for sale.

Is divorce painful and unfair? Yes it is. There is nothing you can do about that so move on and make new goals in your life that you do have control over.

I’m sorry you are going through this but the other posters here have given you good advice and do know what they are talking about.
Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Net family property and the equalization payment dadtotheend Financial Issues 35 05-29-2021 09:59 PM
Period allowed for Equalization payment menchia Financial Issues 17 02-14-2019 11:07 AM
bankruptcy to avoid equalization payment amin99 Divorce & Family Law 36 10-25-2011 08:10 PM
taxes on equalization payment? CMG Financial Issues 11 07-07-2011 02:29 PM
Equalization Payment dad6041 Financial Issues 2 11-20-2008 09:23 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 03:34 PM.