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  • #31
    Last I checked, it's still a free country... It's absolutely now clear to everybody on the forum you are at least somewhat unbalanced.... I just called it earlier.

    Secondly, yes I won everything because I understand people, I understand systems, and I understand the system - and I was able to cause it to collapse on itself.

    I don't post here for your benefit - I am doing my civic duty.

    My purpose is destabilize the family court system in order to elicit meaningful change. Men have suffered and suffer continuously in family court, their suffering goes unnoticed. I hope as women start to suffer more and more there will be a backlash, women who work and lose custody because they work, women whose children leave them, women whose children are alienated from them, second wives who see their current spouses ruined by unfair judgements etc....

    Hopefully, through the mass suffering of women there will be a new day in family court. The ends justify the means...

    Comment


    • #32
      Originally posted by Links17 View Post
      Hopefully, through the mass suffering of women there will be a new day in family court.
      I actually agree with you. Family court will not change until women start to suffer the injustices that are regularly visited upon men.

      The big problem though is breastfeeding and maternity leave. It breaks the symmetry, and allows the courts to justify their uneven treatment of men and women.

      Comment


      • #33
        Originally posted by Janus View Post
        I actually agree with you. Family court will not change until women start to suffer the injustices that are regularly visited upon men.
        I don't think they need to "suffer the injustices" but, I do think females, gay, lesbian and transgender parents need to stand up and point to what "equality" for parents truly means.

        There are too many silent voices in the matters of changing family law. The whole concept of "equal parenting" was brought forward by the woman's movement. Yet, it is equally attacked by the extreme elements of that movement as being bad.

        Joint custody and equal residency is much more than a male / female issue. Hopefully the gay, lesbian and transgender community over the next few years will bring needed change. In a situation of a male-male or female-female parents the role that "gender" has to play equalizes. As more same-sex marriages that involve children end new case law void of the traditional gender roles will start to emerge. This case law will hopefully be integrated into the general stream of case law.

        Gay, lesbian and transgender family breakups often have the same nonsense. Parents fight over children and have for a long time. What we need is a court system that doesn't see gender but, parents. Hopefully our marriage laws will resolve some of the "family law" issues we face.

        Good Luck!
        Tayken

        Comment


        • #34
          Where is the Light: ease up on yourself. Tayken has some very good advice about the therapist.

          My 2 cents is that children are wonder guilt buckets. My son is an adult and I often find myself stewing about what I could have done better in raising him.

          Give yourself credit for raising kids through a divorce. It's hard enough raising teenagers in an intact family.

          As children grow into adulthood they learn along the way that there are consequences for their actions. With the help of the therapist, you can perhaps learn how to come to terms with the ever-changing family dynamics.

          Sometimes we do things we regret. Best is to move on and learn from our mistakes.

          Take time to self-reflect and also think about days ahead when children leave the home. This could be a deep-rooted fear that you have which could also be explored with your therapist.

          Comment


          • #35
            Originally posted by Tayken View Post
            I don't think they need to "suffer the injustices" but, I do think females, gay, lesbian and transgender parents need to stand up and point to what "equality" for parents truly means.

            There are too many silent voices in the matters of changing family law. The whole concept of "equal parenting" was brought forward by the woman's movement. Yet, it is equally attacked by the extreme elements of that movement as being bad.

            Joint custody and equal residency is much more than a male / female issue. Hopefully the gay, lesbian and transgender community over the next few years will bring needed change. In a situation of a male-male or female-female parents the role that "gender" has to play equalizes. As more same-sex marriages that involve children end new case law void of the traditional gender roles will start to emerge. This case law will hopefully be integrated into the general stream of case law.

            Gay, lesbian and transgender family breakups often have the same nonsense. Parents fight over children and have for a long time. What we need is a court system that doesn't see gender but, parents. Hopefully our marriage laws will resolve some of the "family law" issues we face.

            Good Luck!
            Tayken
            I have read many interesting cases from BC involving gay family/child custody. BC seems to be the province with most posted cases on CanLii. I agree that the LBGT community will probably make a notable impact on family law rulings.

            Comment


            • #36
              I don;t know why everybody was against letting the LGBTQ community enjoy the pleasures of marriage.... straight people don't get married anymore and these jokers want in? Once they first batch get slammed with spousal support, ain't no more marriage happening...

              Comment


              • #37
                Links - NEWS ALERT Straight people do indeed still get married (still a mega business in Canada) and LGBT do indeed marry, divorce with spousal support ordered. Perhaps read something other than Quebec case law on CanLii? Modify your search parameters. As I indicated earlier, if you look under BC on CanLii you will find these cases.

                Comment


                • #38
                  Originally posted by arabian View Post
                  Links - NEWS ALERT Straight people do indeed still get married (still a mega business in Canada) and LGBT do indeed marry, divorce with spousal support ordered. Perhaps read something other than Quebec case law on CanLii? Modify your search parameters. As I indicated earlier, if you look under BC on CanLii you will find these cases.
                  In Quebec they get married much less than before specifically to avoid alimony and in the rest of Canada it makes no difference (being married or not).

                  In any case, people do get married much less than before historically - I can get my google out to get you stats if you like.

                  Comment


                  • #39
                    You have called me unbalanced? Going thru this shock, this immed change is a nightmare. I am falling into a depression. I find it very hard to fathom you don't know me, but are so cruel to me. What have I done to you personally?

                    It is clear that you fail to hear my ex gave up his children years prior. In fact, he stated and I quote, "I realize I was not meant to be a dad, I am not dad material. I do not want to change my life. I want to continue to sleep in and vacation when I choose."

                    You are a very unkind person. You almost come across as a women hater.

                    Comment


                    • #40
                      True enough. It just hurts and scares me that when they are not with me (in dads time), they have got caught stealing, vaping, and now I hear, maybe drugs. The later is only hearsay.

                      Comment


                      • #41
                        Thank you Arabian.

                        Comment


                        • #42
                          Originally posted by Where is the Light View Post
                          You have called me unbalanced? Going thru this shock, this immed change is a nightmare. I am falling into a depression. I find it very hard to fathom you don't know me, but are so cruel to me. What have I done to you personally?

                          It is clear that you fail to hear my ex gave up his children years prior. In fact, he stated and I quote, "I realize I was not meant to be a dad, I am not dad material. I do not want to change my life. I want to continue to sleep in and vacation when I choose."

                          You are a very unkind person. You almost come across as a women hater.
                          I love women. I would love to be surrounded by beautiful women all the time. What you're going through happens to men 100 times/day and much worse. Get in line...

                          Comment


                          • #43
                            Saturday night the boys were to come for dinner AT MY HOUSE. YEAH!! I had called my ex's sister and I believe she may have been the culprit to get through to ex (boys need to see their mom). Ex sister in law advised that my ex has next to nothing to do with his own mother, even having told him that his mom cries at home each day to see her son. She advised everything is wrong from him not feeling the need to see his mom, to his not getting that his children need to see their mom. She advised that he had sat my children down and told them if I go trhough with taking you to live mostly with me, you can't change your minds, I am going through a lot of trouble.

                            Saturday night comes. My 16 year old calls and he says he doesn't want to come for dinner tonight cause he wants to see his friends; go to parade. I ask him where he is. He says at a McDonalds. I say, have you eaten, you were to come for dinner. He says no, not for hours. I said, well, you had better call your dad and tell him you don't want to come here. So, my son calls me back and says his dad is using the 'f' word and says do what the blank you want, I am going out for drinks/dinner with friends. So, I send my ex a text saying, I guess we should arrange for another night (me having dinner with my children as I would like to have them both here). Then my younger child calls he too is with his friends. I tell him we are going to change our dinner plans and why. He sounds happy, he too wants to hang out with his friends. I am at home disappointed, it has been over two weeks now. Later comes a call from my 16 year old. He says he is now at another McDonalds and he called his father to pick him up and his father says, find your own way home, I am not coming to get you. So, of course I go to get him. It is raining and not at all close by (this is my special needs son). As I drive him back to his dads, he advising me he was with his friend that got kicked out of the shelter he was in (does drugs, has sold drugs, steals). Oh my worries what my son might get into. My child advises me he has to be returned to his dads and so I drive him there. He calls his dad who has no other choice but finally give him the garage code (he had been refusing up until now to give them free access to his home), but I guess if he didn't want him alone with me at my house cause he shares a lot of info when alone 1 one 1, he had no other choice but to give him the codde. I stayed to watch that he got in o.k. Minutes later my neighbour calls me, she lives across the street from my ex. She said my ex and his wife came home minutes later and arguing in the drive way. She was in her garage doing stuff.

                            Then my younger child calls. Oh, so he does have means to call when he wants to. He says, do you still have the pond skates you bought me last year. I say I do, but there is no way they will fit. You have grown out of two shoe sizes. I say, maybe we can go trade them in together and get you another pair of pond skates that fit. He is very quicly being his not nice self ordering me to bring the pond skates I have up to him. He says he doesn't care if they don't fit, ''bring them up". I say, I am sorry, but it is late and I am not bringing them up and besides they won't fit. He kept it up, insisiting. When I said no, he hung up on me. I knew there would be no way his dad would run to his beck and call. I am still trying to figure out why he was out at 10:30 pm at night when he had hockey the next morning very early. A serious hockey game.

                            I guess with my expectations of my children and the fact they wouldn't have the kind of freedom from me they will have at their dads, they will never want to be back with me.

                            God help me!

                            Anyone with any thoughts how I get over all this? p.s. I have my first counselling session tomorrow. One posiite.

                            Comment


                            • #44
                              Your kids sound like spoiled brats. You may want to speak to your counselor about how to be assertive and stick with it. Jumping when they need something is stupid and you need to stop. They should have called their father and bothered him. Missing them or not, you made a big mistake by going to pick them up. Sounds like this "problem" may resolve itself soon. New wife is probably pissed that she has to keep giving up their date nights to rescue the kids and the kids are only going to get worse living at dads. Stop jumping when they call. "Oh Im sorry youre stuck, call your dad Im sure he will come get you."

                              Your first task after dealing with your depression is learning to not be a door mat. You did this for years and then got sick of being treated disrespectfully. You need to learn how to set expectations and BOUNDARIES and then stick to them. Even if they come back you are still going to be dealing with their bs that got you angry in the first place.

                              Comment


                              • #45
                                It sounds like a good time to let them live with their ,maybe he can straitened them out or maybe they will all annoy each other .Teens eventually grow up and usually if you have been a good parent you will have your time with them .That said keep every text email etc from your ex ,kids just in case you need it .
                                You have received lots of good advice I wouldn't worry about getting a lawyer ,if you have any indication of his income you can go on divorce mate and get an idea of what you will have to pay in support ,I'm not sure about section 7 expenses .Im a divorced mom of 2 adult children and the ex continues to try to alienate them from me ,I don't think your ex is going to enjoy having them around all of a sudden all the time if he wasn't interested before ,sometimes spite bites back !!

                                Comment

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