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  • #16
    I am willing to pay all the child support I have to. They have been with him for a week and a half. I will find the money somewhere even if I have to borrow it.

    The children are now not communicating with me now. Please, you need not remind me this is my own doing. They have some fault in this also i.e. telling me to f off and constant back talk, mistreatment is very hurtful.

    Comment


    • #17
      I said youre all acting inappropriately. Think about it from all the perspectives. When you were a kid and your mom packed you up and told you to go live with your dad how would you feel? Or if they lived with your ex and he showed up with them and said here theyre your problem, how would you feel? Unfortunately you made a rash decision and now you have to deal with the fallout. Im not sugarcoating it because there is no way to do that. You brought this on yourself. Yes its tough, yes it hurts, yes you will struggle. You should have thought this through before taking such drastic actions.

      Everyone needs to cool off and see how things play out. I feel for your kids right now. As awful as teenagers are, I cant imagine its fun for them to have one pack them up and kick them out and now have the other telling them if they speak to you they are in trouble. They are in a really horrible situation and are coping how they see fit. They will definitely need therapy after this!!

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      • #18
        Originally posted by Where is the Light View Post
        ..... Well, one day passes and dad is freaking out and me ordering to return the boys. He advised he has plans and that it is not his weekend. I stand firm and say no. These kids need to think about how horribly they treat me. He is livid. Sunday comes, he sends me text messages. Look, I gave up my Friday plans, I am returning them to you today, I have plans and I am not breaking these plans. I am standing firm and now he is pissing me off. He asks me who the hell do I think I am. I said, one more night might do it; perhaps they will decide they don't even want to live with me because of my rules. They need counselling I state. Well, Monday comes and I manage to reach one of my kids on their way home from school and ask they come by for a talk. Child gets here and says dad will be mad they came by. Said dad said not to be lured in by me. We share thoughts about anger and sadness (feelings felt over the weekend). He leaves. Later that night, both my teens arrive at my door and advise they have 15 minutes to listen to me and get out with their belongings). I am in shock and I actually help them pack. My oldest one saying, dad said we have to bring everything, all boots, coats, everything. I try all week to reach them, no one is responding to me. Friday I get an email from ex's lawyer. It says we have a poor relationship (kids and I) and they have chosen to live with him.

        So, after getting a hold of my son at one of the boys friends he slept at on Sat. night, he informed me "you sent us off and it backfired on you, now we are going to live with our dad." Mean!! My heart is breaking. Two teens turned horrible (I know that doesn't sound right coming from a mom who worships her kids).
        Sorry but by your own admission there is very little, if anything you can do... you TOOK them to Dads, wouldn't let them return and even told Dad maybe they would decide not to live with you. Your kids are obviously VERY hurt my your actions (it backfired on you). And while I understand you were hurt by them, that was not the way to deal with them.

        You need to pick yourself up, pay support and just keep reaching out. Nothing is going to change their minds, except them, so remain open with them, its about all you can do.

        Comment


        • #19
          I asked them to gather up some clothing and spend a few nights with their dad to think about how they treat me. I don't think that is quite ''kicking them out". But yes, I could see how it would make them angry at me and even hurt.

          it was the dad who returned a few days later with the children (and garbage bags) and told them they had 15 minutes to clear out all their stuff from my home.

          I am sorry. Very sorry.

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          • #20
            If only I had known the outcome. How will I ever come to terms with this? How? Does anyone know?

            How does one get over this? A gentle response would be greatly appreciated as I am already so hurting now. In so much pain.

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            • #21
              You need to consider what you would have done instead if the children's father was not around or deceased and it was just you. Where would you have shipped the kids off to?

              The reality is, you wouldn't have. You would have sought appropriate resources to help you deal with the parenting issues YOU are facing.

              THAT is what you should be doing now.

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              • #22
                I am wondering (just from the moms posts) if her way of interacting with her kids hasn't changed from when they were little kids? Maybe they were feeling a bit smothered and that was the reason for the acting out? They are growing and figuring out who they are and asserting their need for more independence.

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                • #23
                  The damage is done. Don't worry, I am beating myself up over this and it is killing me. Thanks!

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                  • #24
                    I don't know. I know my youngest is getting out of control (stealing, smoking vapor, lying, and now I am hearing rumours of drugs). He wants to always do sleepovers elsewhere, I guess so he can do these things. I was just cracking down on them some. He was furious about this.

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                    • #25
                      This is really spectacular.... Now you know how a dad feels.... Tell all your friends please so everybody supports shared custody.

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                      • #26
                        Again, you need to seek out the appropriate resources to deal with your parenting issues. Some counseling for yourself to help manage your feelings is probably not a bad idea.

                        Not really sure what other advice you're looking to hear...?

                        Comment


                        • #27
                          OP perhaps you move this discussion over to the parenting thread, as I see you've already initiated. You've received the best advice here from Rioe, Janus, Stripes and few other seniors on how to handle the matter legally, and in that regard you seem to be right on track.

                          As mentioned previously, now you need to learn how to heal the emotional rift between yourself and the kidlets. They are young now, but soon will be adults and you can look forward to your relationship with them as they themselves mature, grow into themselves and their relationships, have their own kids?. Let them figure out their space and relationship with both you and their dad, you've laid the foundation and they’ll work out where they need to be in life. That's all you can do.

                          Oh – and by the way, you are a great mom! And I see in 2013 you were advised by another senior poster of our forum to ignore the ‘tasteless and crass’. That advice still stands.
                          Start a discussion, not a fire. Post with kindness.

                          Comment


                          • #28
                            [QUOTE=Links17;214571]This is really spectacular.... Now you know how a dad feels.... Tell all your friends please so everybody supports shared custody.[/QUOT

                            Did you not get your kids? My ex said he didn't want his kids 6 years ago. Only now he is angry and seeking revenge on me the only way he knows how because I asked him to have the kids when he did not want to two weekends past.

                            You are clearly a very angry idiot. Are you angry at your ex wife? The system?

                            Please DO NOT bother responding to any of my further posts.

                            Comment


                            • #29
                              Originally posted by blinkandimgone View Post
                              Again, you need to seek out the appropriate resources to deal with your parenting issues. Some counseling for yourself to help manage your feelings is probably not a bad idea.

                              Not really sure what other advice you're looking to hear...?
                              Thank you so much for your advice. I am going to act on it.

                              Godbless,

                              Comment


                              • #30
                                Thank you. Your time taken to respond is appreciated.

                                It is hard to be without them. I thought (and still hope) they will return to me until they go off to college, get married, or whatever. They are my world. Losing them this way, being without them at their young ages (teens) is not what I would have ever expected, nor wanted.

                                This is like a quick death. I am grieving!

                                Comment

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