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Domestic Violence Dealing with abuse and violence. Getting support and help.

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  #11  
Old 06-24-2020, 04:03 PM
Exasperated mommy Exasperated mommy is offline
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The main texts relate to my ex telling me he needs 24hrs notice to give our son a bath, despite (as one example) receiving a photo from daycare of our son sitting in the sandbox at daycare (he came home to me the next day still having sand in his diaper). Those sorts of things - the things that lead to me not wanting him to have 50% custody; my thought process is that, since he can't be relied on to take proper care of our son in that way, I'm aiming to not put him in a position where he needs to be relied upon for such things (ie more than a day at a time). Or refusing to take him to the Dr when he's sick. I'm a little confused now on what judges require for proof in helping them determine whether it not to issue full vs 50/50 custody?
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  #12  
Old 06-24-2020, 07:58 PM
Exasperated mommy Exasperated mommy is offline
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(I'm new here and I'm not altogether sure I wrote my response in the correct way....


Exasperated mommy The main texts relate to my ex telling me he needs 24hrs notice to give our son a bath, despite (as one example) receiving a photo from daycare of our son sitting in the sandbox at daycare (he came home to me the next day still having sand in his diaper). Those sorts of things - the things that lead to me not wanting him to have 50% custody; my thought process is that, since he can't be relied on to take proper care of our son in that way, I'm aiming to not put him in a position where he needs to be relied upon for such things (ie more than a day at a time). Or refusing to take him to the Dr when he's sick. I'm a little confused now on what judges require for proof in helping them determine whether it not to issue full vs 50/50 custody?
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  #13  
Old 06-25-2020, 11:39 AM
vocalfather vocalfather is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingDad1234 View Post
Judges don't read texts, so no format at all. Sorry to say but you are likely wasting your time and effort. People watch way too much TV and think they can walk into court with a box of text messages and the judge will read them. The court system is clogged and judges don't have time to read nonsense or conversations.

What are you hoping to prove through text? The only thing that is worth anything, is if someone is withholding children and proof is in text, or if someone made a unilateral decision in a text. If the meat of your argument is "texts", you may not have much argument at all.

Also, if you are keeping a record of every text, how does that make you look? It can make you look like you are looking for conflict and reading into each and every text as conflict---which can paint you in a very negative light. Parents should be able to cordially and freely communicate without fear that every text is being documented. Otherwise both parents are on constant pins and needles and there is zero trust established between the 2 of you.

I lived & continue to live through a very high conflict/BPD ex. Tayken is spot on - the high conflict institute is a fantastic resource. Invest in the resources and use them. You can't get in the weeds with someone who is truly BPD/High Conflict. You will never be right. You will never make them happy. Learn that from now.

As for LovingDad1234's comment, a lot of our trial was centered around abusive texts and many entries from MyFamilyWizard. As long as you keep your content focused and relevant to what is happening and are able to illustrate exactly how this is affecting the children/coparenting/etc, they will listen. The reality is, you have to be reasonable, respectful and seem completely level-headed. This will go far with any Justice.

Good luck to you and google "Grey Rock Method". Very effective.
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  #14  
Old 06-25-2020, 12:27 PM
Exasperated mommy Exasperated mommy is offline
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Thank you for your advice!
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  #15  
Old 06-25-2020, 01:43 PM
LovingDad1234 LovingDad1234 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by vocalfather View Post
As for LovingDad1234's comment, a lot of our trial was centered around abusive texts and many entries from MyFamilyWizard. .
Yes, correct. If there is abuse in the text, then it would be admissable. However, it must be legitimate abuse and not "Look he texts me much more often than I do him". That is a texting relationship. As I said before, keep all communication cordial and everyone should be fine.

Further, again, judges don't want to go through reams of texts. Did your ex text you to say that you could not see your kid when you were supposed to? Did your ex make a unilateral decision through text that should have been consulted in a joint custody arrangement? Those texts would have weight.
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  #16  
Old 06-25-2020, 02:51 PM
vocalfather vocalfather is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingDad1234 View Post
Yes, correct. If there is abuse in the text, then it would be admissable. However, it must be legitimate abuse and not "Look he texts me much more often than I do him". That is a texting relationship. As I said before, keep all communication cordial and everyone should be fine.

Further, again, judges don't want to go through reams of texts. Did your ex text you to say that you could not see your kid when you were supposed to? Did your ex make a unilateral decision through text that should have been consulted in a joint custody arrangement? Those texts would have weight.

The reality is, for our trial, it was clearly illustrating to the Judge the complete inability to co-parent with the other parent. It did take other people to help me really narrow in and effectively choose what was needed/necessary for the Judge to see by way of texts/myfamilywizard entries. Our submissions were numerous but were needed to effectively tell the story. Plus, let’s face it, the bar is that much higher for Fathers in the court system.


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  #17  
Old 06-25-2020, 10:25 PM
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Janus Janus is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Exasperated mommy View Post
The main texts relate to my ex telling me he needs 24hrs notice to give our son a bath, despite (as one example) receiving a photo from daycare of our son sitting in the sandbox at daycare (he came home to me the next day still having sand in his diaper). Those sorts of things - the things that lead to me not wanting him to have 50% custody; my thought process is that, since he can't be relied on to take proper care of our son in that way, I'm aiming to not put him in a position where he needs to be relied upon for such things (ie more than a day at a time). Or refusing to take him to the Dr when he's sick. I'm a little confused now on what judges require for proof in helping them determine whether it not to issue full vs 50/50 custody?
Just to be clear:

1) You think he should lose custody because he is not giving a sufficient number of baths.

2) He thinks he needs to obtain 24 hours notice to give a bath.

Both of you are ridiculous.
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  #18  
Old 06-25-2020, 10:26 PM
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Also, how do you know that he received a photo from the daycare? And why on earth are you telling him how to parent during his parenting time?
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  #19  
Old 06-26-2020, 09:30 AM
LovingDad1234 LovingDad1234 is offline
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Originally Posted by Janus View Post
1) You think he should lose custody because he is not giving a sufficient number of baths.
During Settlement Conference:

Judge to Dad: "She says you haven't been giving baths, when you have your child can you ensure to give baths as appropriate, even in a shared parenting regime?"

Dad: "Yes your honour"

Judge to Mom: "Problem solved on baths, what else are your concerns to negate a shared parenting regime?"
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