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  • #31
    Originally posted by Berner_Faith View Post
    I wouldn't be concerned about it being on your time seeing as you have majority of time the fact is it will probably be on some of your days. No big deal. Just make sure you get make up time. I still think you should word it around a one week vacation per year outside the standard schedule. You have to remember there may be times you need to have the children on his days so you can't always have "your" and "his" days.

    If you guys practiced week about year round I would say he can absolutely plan for his week with the children but to my understanding that's not the schedule you have so it's not as easy to plan on just his days.


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    Exactly - it makes it complicated. He refuses to do week about, even in the summer. He only wants the kids on his days off. This is why it's tricky. I will go back to him now with these suggestions. As long as its reciprocal I don't have a problem. His email demand indicated that because it was a wedding he shouldn't have to make up the time. I disagree with that. I also think that because my holidays are so prescriptive (ie only march break, Christmas during the school year) this needs to be very clear because we make plans far in advance. For example, I wasn't kidding about the plans for March Break and don't want him to trump this as I have no alternative winter week. Not super cut and dry for my situation which is why I asked for suggestions.
    Your ideas make good sense so thank you!


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    • #32
      Originally posted by Ange71727 View Post
      ...
      He is demanding that there be a clause in the agreement that states if and when he should remarry, he is entitled to a week of time with the kids at his complete discretion for a destination wedding...
      What kind of vacation clause or wording do you have in your agreement, or do you have any? Seems like this would just be covered under vacations, with some special consideration towards the kids, because one of their parents' would be getting married.

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      • #33
        Originally posted by dad2bandm View Post
        What kind of vacation clause or wording do you have in your agreement, or do you have any? Seems like this would just be covered under vacations, with some special consideration towards the kids, because one of their parents' would be getting married.


        Ange's ex is difficult and is making ridiculous requests. Including having it in the agreement that cs and post secondary expenses are not payable.

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        • #34
          Originally posted by dad2bandm View Post
          What kind of vacation clause or wording do you have in your agreement, or do you have any? Seems like this would just be covered under vacations, with some special consideration towards the kids, because one of their parents' would be getting married.


          In the old agreement there is absolutely nothing about vacations. In the new one currently being negotiated, so far we have agreed that we'd negotiate with each other to grant vacation time on an as needed basis with the provision that we make up time lost for the other parent. Ie. the proposed march break clause says we split it 50-50 but that we can negotiate in any given year to allow one parent the whole thing with makeup time for the other parent. Or he could ask for an extension in the summer that we are to mutually agree upon. He thinks a wedding would be a separate issue, worthy of its own clause and it's own parameters (ie no makeup time and planned whenever he'd like no matter what).


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          • #35
            Originally posted by rockscan View Post
            Ange's ex is difficult and is making ridiculous requests. Including having it in the agreement that cs and post secondary expenses are not payable.


            I did remain firm on this not being in the agreement even though it took much grief and listening to his threats of court to keep it out. It will no longer say "to the age of 18". It will say something like "child support and post secondary expenses will be subject to review when children turn 18." I'm sure that will be another problem down the road. Sigh.


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            • #36
              Originally posted by Ange71727 View Post
              I did remain firm on this not being in the agreement even though it took much grief and listening to his threats of court to keep it out. It will no longer say "to the age of 18". It will say something like "child support and post secondary expenses will be subject to review when children turn 18." I'm sure that will be another problem down the road. Sigh.


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              Well at least with that one you can take it to court and win. As we have learned, regardless of what is in your agreement, post secondary is pretty set and you cant get out of it even if your kids refuse to speak to the paying parent.

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              • #37
                Originally posted by Ange71727 View Post
                In the old agreement there is absolutely nothing about vacations. In the new one currently being negotiated, so far we have agreed that we'd negotiate with each other to grant vacation time on an as needed basis with the provision that we make up time lost for the other parent. Ie. the proposed march break clause says we split it 50-50 but that we can negotiate in any given year to allow one parent the whole thing with makeup time for the other parent...
                Sounds too complicated, and sounds like it just leaves you open for more arguing down the road each year for vacations. You're negotiating for negotiation? And opening yourself up to more BS with making up "lost time" due to vacations. Unless you both like to fight all the time.

                You should just suggest that both of you get X weeks of vacation each, and that you both have to notify by Y date of each year your intended vacation weeks/times. (he could use that for destination wedding time, as presumably they would be on vacation during this). Alternate each year the March break. You can always include a "or otherwise agreed by both parties" wording, to allow your flexibility, but your base vacation clause/wording should be simple.

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                • #38
                  He will never go for it.
                  He wants to never have to take time off work. This is why I have to agree to split the March break even though alternating makes more sense - it depends on how it falls according to his work. If he is scheduled to work but it's his year to have the whole march break, he would have to, god forbid, take time off to be with his kids. It would be WAY easier to just alternate it.
                  I had to fight tooth and nail to get him to agree that the other holidays also have to alternate no matter what. The lawyers and mediator backed me on that one and told him it was unreasonable otherwise. For example, it's my year for Thanksgiving this year but he has the time off and thinks he should have them as next year he is scheduled to work on Thanksgiving but will also be scheduled to have the kids. I told him he will have to get over it and book the time accordingly.
                  I agree with you that it's all completely and utterly ridiculous.



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                  • #39
                    Originally posted by Ange71727 View Post
                    You lose all credibility when you make statements like "she is the one determining that the children can't attend".
                    That has nothing to do with credibility. You might want to have a meeting your lawyer on the topic of credibility.

                    Originally posted by Ange71727 View Post
                    Really? I've said that?
                    I never alleged that you said that. But on the topic of credibility (since you brought it up), I was simply responding to Arabians post which stated " As a parent you have the right to determine if your children should participate in these events."

                    Originally posted by Ange71727 View Post
                    Reading the posts helps before you comment on something.
                    Yes, you should, and it would have helped you with your response (and your credibility), given my comments/clarifications above.

                    As a side note: I've read your posts. You are tit tatting and ultimately, gate keeping.The mere fact that you've posted a thread about his rights to your time for important events, i.e., father's wedding, speaks volumes.

                    PS: I have some valuable advise to add here for father's on the other side of the fence. This was a request I had too when I was amending my application. But was advised that it would probably be a lot less of a heart ache and less expensive if I scheduled the wedding on my parenting times. I agreed with the lawyer and can see exactly why now.
                    Last edited by trinton; 10-04-2017, 10:11 PM.

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                    • #40
                      Wow. Lots of different opinions to read through.

                      IMHO, as much as I detest my “Wasband”, I would not deny him having his children at his next wedding. That said, an agreement of advanced notice, and this wedding time would not be in addition to his already agreed upon number of week’s vacation with them. Also, I might have a hard time agreeing to this should he schedule his wedding over the Christmas holidays. That time is one of the only times I have off work, and if my children were unavailable because they are attending their father’s remarriage at a destination wedding, that could possibly be problematic.

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                      • #41
                        Why don't you just reply that you are agreeable but not at Christmas Break and March Break and you get those dates made up preceding or after the time away. "Make up" time was something I didn't know existed until I came to this site. Time with our kids is important but if one parent wants to spend a little extra time for something special and it benefits the child, why should the other parent care? I get the ex is controlling and this is one more issue to gain control but at some point one needs to stop letting the ex get under your skin. What is the worry about the other parent having them a little longer here and there? Let the kids go away, book yourself a trip or a week of relaxation without kids. Work it to your advantage. My kids are so busy with sports and activities that I would be worn out if I didn't let the ex take them on "my" days. The ex and kids enjoy their time together and "his" days and "my" days aren't even an issue. I do get a little upset when I am not given notice but I tell him ahead of time about my plans with them and make sure not to double book. If my kids found out they missed out on something because of it was another parents time and it was not allowed only because of that, they would be very angry. I would rather see my kids happy and I can put my disappointment and bitterness aside because it isn't about me.

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                        • #42
                          Originally posted by Karma2016 View Post
                          Wow. Lots of different opinions to read through.



                          IMHO, as much as I detest my “Wasband”, I would not deny him having his children at his next wedding. That said, an agreement of advanced notice, and this wedding time would not be in addition to his already agreed upon number of week’s vacation with them. Also, I might have a hard time agreeing to this should he schedule his wedding over the Christmas holidays. That time is one of the only times I have off work, and if my children were unavailable because they are attending their father’s remarriage at a destination wedding, that could possibly be problematic.


                          This is my worry too. My holidays are completely prescribed for me and even though I get a lot in the year, the winter ones are already set. A destination wedding is inevitably in the winter which means I would need to set some clear parameters or else it would be guaranteed to be problematic.


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                          • #43
                            I'm not going to deny the kids this opportunity. I wouldn't do that. I just don't agree with him demanding full carte blanche to plan it whenever he wants and zero makeup time for me. That will be a disaster because he's as much about controlling everything/screwing me over as he is looking out for the kids' best interests.
                            My ex had a family reunion and a wedding in the same week and requested (or should I say demanded?..lol..naa, she requested) a week. I gave it to her. I then had some stuff come up and she gave me a week later.

                            Welcome to shared parenting. Life events come up. Be flexible and stop thinking in such a fatalistic manner. You say you're going to work it out with him...then work it out.

                            He's controlling, he's a dickhead, he doesn't have the kids best interests at heart...blah blah blah. I can see your hatred for your ex is still affecting healthy decision-making for the kiddos. Deep breath .. open the gates. His request isn't insane.

                            If makeup time is at the forefront of your worries then put it in the claus .. or just write something like Janus suggested earlier. With your frame of mind there wont be much settling in the future. Our courtrooms are filled right now over simple issues like this. Craziness.

                            He didn't ask for you to have no custody and supervised weekend access. He asked if the kids could go to his wedding. Honestly, give it a rest.
                            Last edited by LovingFather32; 10-09-2017, 10:30 AM.

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                            • #44
                              Originally posted by backinthesaddle View Post
                              Why don't you just reply that you are agreeable but not at Christmas Break and March Break and you get those dates made up preceding or after the time away. "Make up" time was something I didn't know existed until I came to this site. Time with our kids is important but if one parent wants to spend a little extra time for something special and it benefits the child, why should the other parent care? I get the ex is controlling and this is one more issue to gain control but at some point one needs to stop letting the ex get under your skin. What is the worry about the other parent having them a little longer here and there? Let the kids go away, book yourself a trip or a week of relaxation without kids. Work it to your advantage. My kids are so busy with sports and activities that I would be worn out if I didn't let the ex take them on "my" days. The ex and kids enjoy their time together and "his" days and "my" days aren't even an issue. I do get a little upset when I am not given notice but I tell him ahead of time about my plans with them and make sure not to double book. If my kids found out they missed out on something because of it was another parents time and it was not allowed only because of that, they would be very angry. I would rather see my kids happy and I can put my disappointment and bitterness aside because it isn't about me.


                              I think this is exactly what I will do. I am certainly not wanting to deny the kids' attendance at their dad's wedding, if and when that happens. I just don't want him to use it to screw me out of my only vacation time with the kids. I will be clear about Christmas and March Break, plus time made up, and then hopefully we won't have any issues. Thanks for weighing in!


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                              • #45
                                Originally posted by len14 View Post
                                I'm pretty sure children sharing in their father's marriage is in the best interest of the children - it's a lifetime event for their new formed family with their father.
                                Precisely ^^^

                                Originally posted by len14 View Post
                                Their wedding should be about them, their family and their extended friends- it shouldn't be about managing the children's and your schedule. It's a one time thing for crying out loud!
                                Thank the lord some posters see it. Angie has recorded her children, denied an equal relationship and literally b**c** and moans over the tiniest issues. Even with all the crap my ex did to me, I'm so happy she's not like that (nor am I).

                                Angie knew before even starting the thread that all she had to do was accept it and put in the clause somewhere that she keep her holidays, etc or that makeup time be given. This is not hard. It's just a place for her to continue her emotional outbursts on her ex.

                                Given her past remarks about his new g/f, such as "She organizes his life" and "she's high maintenance", I'm sensing some hard feelings about this wedding, which isn't completely abnormal since it's a man you once loved and had kids with. More may be at play here than scheduling.

                                Take it from me. The more you relax with the scheduling thing, the better off you (and most importantly the kids) will be.

                                This should have been a one page thread. "He wants kids for wedding"--->"I will put in clause that I still get vacation and/or makeup time". Done.

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