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  • This is when I really wish we had both spouses on a thread LOL. I'm sure it would be very enlightening.

    To those who do not value people who stay home to look after largest investment the two will every have (home and family) - you are but a small minority of Canadians.

    I worked throughout most of my marriage (career which I gave up to contribute to go into business with my then-husband). I was fortunate to have much flexibility. There isn't a chance my husband would have fared as well as he did without my contribution.

    I don't get where you think that stay-at-home parents do nothing but watch soap operas. When I would go to the school I was always so very thankful of those parents who would volunteer their time and look after MY child and assist MY CHILD'S teacher... I appreciated those parents who volunteered for the numerous field trips/ski trips/camping trips that my son was fortunate to be able to participate in. I appreciate the parents who volunteered to be on the parent-teacher committees. I appreciate the parents who opened their doors to my child and others after school when we weren't able to pick our kids up. I appreciate the parents who sent in home-baked goodies at haloween, Christmas, Easter for all to enjoy.....

    I know my husband was very grateful that he could work extended hours (sometimes away for a week at a time or more) and know, with confidence, that our son was looked after and home was maintained in his absence. I know my husband appreciated all the times when I entertained his very-large family with home-make food which took weeks to prepare. I know my husband appreciated coming home to an immaculate home with beautifully prepared meals, after having a shower in the immaculate bathroom and slipping into his nice clean and ironed clothes. I know my husband appreciated having quality time with his son when he was home (instead of schlepping with housework). At the end of the day my husband had a wonderful sleep in his clean bed, knowing his lunch for work (should he require one) was waiting for him in the fridge when he departed the next day. I know when husband had time off he appreciated that I made all of the social arrangements and frequently entertained his friends in style. I know my husband appreciated that when he came home from a hard day on the golf course that his bills were paid for him and cards/condolences/flowers were delivered to his family when required. Did I mention that my husband rarely had to meet the accountant or banker as I took care of all financing of equipment?

    Watch soap operas? What world are you living in? We only had 1 child. I cannot fathom people who have more kids, especially families who are dealing with unhealthy or special needs children.

    Give your head a shake. Staying home is not always as easy as it seems.

    Comment


    • oops - forgot about the homework and science project work. I'm sure I've forgotten many things and I hope others can chime in to enlighten our friends here.

      oops - also forgot about the many homes we owned through the years and the endless stream of contractors who left messes which had to be cleaned up daily. I do recall painting many, many times. My husband used the washing machine 1 x in 30 years. When we separated and we were walking through the home assessing everything he was curious what the "long hose was that always hung in one of the front closets" - I had to tell him it was a central vacuum hose. He had absolutely no idea. His idea of tidying up was to walk by the fridge and if there were crumbs he would kick them under the fridge. Seriously.

      Comment


      • Originally posted by 1ati2de View Post
        So very true. It’s hard not to work 40+ hours a week with all the stress of providing for a family, watch soaps, run errands and take care of the kids. Live in a comfortable home, food, cloths, and vacations, possible a car all paid for. Rough life I tell you, I would just hate that.


        See this is always the typical response... wife stays home but husband says all she did was watch soaps all day... he fails to mention the clean house he came home to, how he dodged all his responsibilities for his children, home cooked meals, he was able to advance his career because he didn't have to take care of his children or make dinner or do his own laundry or clean his own house. Real tough life he has, his only responsibility is work and then he gets to go home and relax while his wife continues to work until the children are in bed.

        You work for a job for years and get fired the company pays a severance... sometimes this is lump sum and sometimes it's paid out on an on going basis. Maybe we should for go severance to since the worker had the benefit of a job for years so now they can just move on and find a new job and continue to be self sufficient


        Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

        Comment


        • Yeah I don't recall my ex spending 10 days at his father's home cleaning, scrubbing floors, sorting out belongings when father was moved to assisted living.... Don't recall my ex going from seniors place to seniors place figuring out which was best place for father... don't recall ex taking time off to volunteer to make cabbage rolls for all the ukranian gatherings that his family participated in.

          I could go on and on and on. Sure I was married for a long time. But for someone to undermine the value of a stay-at-home person's contribution to the marriage is simply not correct. If they were living with someone who sat in front of the TV all day then that has nothing to do with SS legislation, rather their inability to "grow some" and resolve problems with their mates or get out of the marriage.

          Comment


          • here is an American op ed published today in Fox.

            Some may agree... some may disagree

            Is equality ruining your marriage? | Fox News

            (I would caution people that the study itself is over 20 years old I believe and of age 52 - 60 yr olds)
            Last edited by arabian; 09-19-2017, 09:26 PM.

            Comment


            • One of my brothers in law has this attitude. I dont think my sister has watched a full episode of any show in six years, had a full nights sleep in that time or gotten to enjoy a full cup of coffee to herself. Ive spent days with her where we have gotten through all the laundry in 8 hours and considered it a win. That doesnt include cleaning the house, feeding and bathing the children and eating a warm meal sitting down.

              Its funny how the grass is so green on the stay at home mom side. None of these ss is bs bitches would survive an hour let alone a week.

              Comment


              • The stay at home is exchanging having to work outside the home by receiving food, rent, maybe a car, etc...while the other partner has to work and pay for everything.

                Two working partners should be sharing the load.

                No one should continue to get a free ride after divorce.....real (healthy and able) adults should take care of themselves.

                Comment


                • Originally posted by piggybanktoex View Post
                  The stay at home is exchanging having to work outside the home by receiving food, rent, maybe a car, etc...while the other partner has to work and pay for everything.

                  Has to work and pay for everything. Because what the partner staying at home is doing is not work. Right.

                  Comment


                  • Originally posted by piggybanktoex View Post
                    The stay at home is exchanging having to work outside the home by receiving food, rent, maybe a car, etc...while the other partner has to work and pay for everything.
                    oddly similar to the Southern Argument in Defense of Slavery.
                    Start a discussion, not a fire. Post with kindness.

                    Comment


                    • We have all been down this road (discussion) before.

                      Those that pay support don't like it and those that receive support like it.

                      Go figure.

                      I too, would love to receive someone else's money instead of earning it myself.

                      Comment


                      • Originally posted by arabian View Post
                        oops - forgot about the homework and science project work. I'm sure I've forgotten many things and I hope others can chime in to enlighten our friends here.
                        I think spousal support is appropriate when couples have voluntarily arranged their financial affairs such that one spouse works and the other stays home. The house goes up in value, both partners share. The "income producing ability" of a spouse goes up in value, both partners share. (I would look at the increase in income earning value rather than income, but that's another story) As I said earlier in the thread, "voluntarily" also implies a level of informed consent, but I have no issues with the concept of spousal support when it is appropriate.

                        That said, let's not go overboard with the description of the daily grind for a stay at home spouse. I'm a single parent. I do pretty much everything that a stay at home spouse does... AND... I work full time.

                        Housework sucks, but it isn't that hard, and it doesn't take 8 hours a day. Taking care of kids is time consuming, but most parents would rather hang out with the kids over going to work.

                        Adults should work for money. If an adult in your partnership is not working, then both people in that partnership are going to suffer. The people saying that the nonworker should take the entire hit are clearly wrong. However, saying that the nonworker leads a life of epic drudgery is equally ridiculous.

                        Comment


                        • Originally posted by piggybanktoex View Post
                          We have all been down this road (discussion) before.

                          Those that pay support don't like it and those that receive support like it.

                          Go figure.

                          I too, would love to receive someone else's money instead of earning it myself.

                          I would say that Court has determined it already has previously been "earned." It is now taxable to recipient and a full tax deduction to the payer.

                          The only thing to determine is duration - this is reflected in the total assessment of the marriage.


                          Would sure be nice if I had a slave/personal maid do everything for me and not pay them anything for years (they could borrow my car from time to time and sleep in the garage/basement I suppose). Heck I'd even let them have a few nights off a month, but only after all their jobs were complete.
                          Last edited by arabian; 09-20-2017, 10:23 AM.

                          Comment


                          • Originally posted by piggybanktoex View Post
                            We have all been down this road (discussion) before.

                            Those that pay support don't like it and those that receive support like it.

                            Go figure.

                            I too, would love to receive someone else's money instead of earning it myself.
                            It's all about valid reasons, and being reasonable people.

                            I'm sure there are people who pay support who understand how it was justified and agree with it, just as there are people who receive support who don't like it and are busy trying to become self-sufficient instead.

                            It's up to the courts to make sure that support is only awarded in the reasonable cases, and that both payer and recipient understand the reasons.

                            The problem is that society's definition of reasonable has evolved over time and not all courts/judges have kept up.

                            Comment


                            • Originally posted by arabian View Post
                              This is when I really wish we had both spouses on a thread LOL. I'm sure it would be very enlightening.
                              Oh I agree on that one, I would love to hear both sides of every story told.

                              To those who do not value people who stay home to look after largest investment the two will every have (home and family) - you are but a small minority of Canadians.
                              I would change that to the majority as lifestyles and cost of living can’t justify a one family income especially in the two biggest cities in Canada.

                              I worked throughout most of my marriage (career which I gave up to contribute to go into business with my then-husband). I was fortunate to have much flexibility. There isn't a chance my husband would have fared as well as he did without my contribution.
                              That was your choice to quit your career to support and contribute to something possibly better, only you can answer that.

                              I don't get where you think that stay-at-home parents do nothing but watch soap operas. When I would go to the school I was always so very thankful of those parents who would volunteer their time and look after MY child and assist MY CHILD'S teacher... I appreciated those parents who volunteered for the numerous field trips/ski trips/camping trips that my son was fortunate to be able to participate in. I appreciate the parents who volunteered to be on the parent-teacher committees. I appreciate the parents who opened their doors to my child and others after school when we weren't able to pick our kids up. I appreciate the parents who sent in home-baked goodies at haloween, Christmas, Easter for all to enjoy.....

                              I know my husband was very grateful that he could work extended hours (sometimes away for a week at a time or more) and know, with confidence, that our son was looked after and home was maintained in his absence. I know my husband appreciated all the times when I entertained his very-large family with home-make food which took weeks to prepare. I know my husband appreciated coming home to an immaculate home with beautifully prepared meals, after having a shower in the immaculate bathroom and slipping into his nice clean and ironed clothes. I know my husband appreciated having quality time with his son when he was home (instead of schlepping with housework). At the end of the day my husband had a wonderful sleep in his clean bed, knowing his lunch for work (should he require one) was waiting for him in the fridge when he departed the next day. I know when husband had time off he appreciated that I made all of the social arrangements and frequently entertained his friends in style. I know my husband appreciated that when he came home from a hard day on the golf course that his bills were paid for him and cards/condolences/flowers were delivered to his family when required. Did I mention that my husband rarely had to meet the accountant or banker as I took care of all financing of equipment?
                              Well with my experience it was from what I see and been told by my child.

                              Comment


                              • Originally posted by Janus View Post
                                I think spousal support is appropriate when couples have voluntarily arranged their financial affairs such that one spouse works and the other stays home. The house goes up in value, both partners share. The "income producing ability" of a spouse goes up in value, both partners share. (I would look at the increase in income earning value rather than income, but that's another story) As I said earlier in the thread, "voluntarily" also implies a level of informed consent, but I have no issues with the concept of spousal support when it is appropriate.

                                That said, let's not go overboard with the description of the daily grind for a stay at home spouse. I'm a single parent. I do pretty much everything that a stay at home spouse does... AND... I work full time.

                                Housework sucks, but it isn't that hard, and it doesn't take 8 hours a day. Taking care of kids is time consuming, but most parents would rather hang out with the kids over going to work.

                                Adults should work for money. If an adult in your partnership is not working, then both people in that partnership are going to suffer. The people saying that the nonworker should take the entire hit are clearly wrong. However, saying that the nonworker leads a life of epic drudgery is equally ridiculous.
                                I agree with you ... somewhat. However, it remains that a stay-at-home parent's contribution is indeed recognized by the court. Sure some are lazy but then same could be said for a person who works outside of the home and who doesn't work to their fullest potential despite the sacrifices the other person is making to stay home and make life easier for everyone.

                                There are many issues which court can not possibly take into consideration (unless one is extremely wealthy and wants to legally argue every aspect.. some do).

                                Wouldn't that be something if someone, who is arguing for SS, requests that amount be based on an imputed income for many years (for underemployment)?

                                Comment

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