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  • How much did you spend on legal costs so far?

    My ex-wife and I are still on good terms but from the get go she did not really want to deal with the process (even though it was her wish to separte). She said, "Lets have the lawyers do it, that's what they are for." I thought the complete opposite, "Lawyers are self serving, and will milk every situation as much as they can."

    Well, after 7 years and about $30,000 later for me (and probably the same for her) we are still nowhere finished with our separation. Now, I believe that she sees the light, and thinks like me, "Our money is best kept for our children, and not to be wasted on lawyers."

    We will now finalize our separation on our own - enough with the nonsense. From what I read, many of us have walked the same old beaten path.

    So, For those who are just getting into this, I think it would be good for them to read about how much the process can cost and how long it can take (not forgetting the fact that when lawyers get involved a lot of the common sense that real people have seems to dissappear from the equation, which adds to the frustruation).

    Through this thread, I'm hoping that those couples who can still talk to eachother but want to separate, can consider using a simpler, less expensive approach than the one that many of us have chosen.

    JDaddy

  • #2
    Originally posted by JDaddy View Post
    My ex-wife and I are still on good terms but...about $30,000 later for me (and probably the same for her) we are still nowhere finished with our separation. Now, I believe that she sees the light, and thinks like me, "Our money is best kept for our children, and not to be wasted on lawyers."
    Good thing she's seen the light, and thinks like you now.

    After $30K each I don't think you two are on as good terms as you think you are.

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    • #3
      Especially since the lifetime RESP limit is 50K per child...I tried several times talking to my ex (to no avail) and right now I in month 20 and 70K, with no end in site; her lawyer is a relative and she signed first charge on her estate over to him for his fees; me, myself I am now self-rep...I suppose the 50% of my income + 10% benefits is keeping her and her lawyer happy.

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      • #4
        Lawyers

        I spent $12,000.00 on legal fees and basically all I got was the Child Support calculation which ex had to pay. After 2 1/2 years of this nonsense, I let my lawyer go. Now I am representing myself.

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        • #5
          You all have made me worried. I am just starting with my lawyer and not sure how much it will going to cost. Do you have any tips for me, so that I can reduce my lawyer fees.

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          • #6
            In the beginning, I asked my ex-wife to simply sit down and hammer out an agreement. She balked and started taking it through the courts. Over $8000 in legal fees later, neither of us could afford our lawyers anymore so we sat down and hammered out an agreement. What a waste.

            As for reducing costs I don't know. The more you do yourself, the better from a financial perspective. What adds up are the 15 minute conversations and emails and so forth, so use the time you spend talking with your lawyer efficiently. I was fortunate in having a lawyer who was working with me to keep costs in the range I could afford as much as possible, but that is the exception rather than the rule. Get detailed invoices and watch the charges like a hawk.

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            • #7
              Originally posted by About_Time View Post
              In the beginning, I asked my ex-wife to simply sit down and hammer out an agreement. She balked and started taking it through the courts. Over $8000 in legal fees later, neither of us could afford our lawyers anymore so we sat down and hammered out an agreement. What a waste.
              How long did it take to get to that point?

              I'm in a similar situation, wanted to do this mostly outside of the lawyers, but she spoke to some friends who said she should take me to the cleaners. Now, almost a year after and we're almost right back to where we were at the start.

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              • #8
                Originally posted by Foredeck View Post
                How long did it take to get to that point?

                I'm in a similar situation, wanted to do this mostly outside of the lawyers, but she spoke to some friends who said she should take me to the cleaners. Now, almost a year after and we're almost right back to where we were at the start.

                Well, our whole process took about 2 years. She was on full Legal Aid and was quite happy to drag the entire mess on forever, so I simply lucked out that she lost it after she got an OSAP loan. She didn't want to face me in court without a lawyer, because she knew I'd run circles around her.

                You can't do this without lawyers, in my opinion. What I would suggest you say to her is "Look, we can go through the courts and drag this out for 3 years and spend a fortune doing so OR we could consult our lawyers about what they think we'd get if we went to court and haggle it out from there". Do some research, identify your key issues and get an honest opinion from your lawyer about what would be reasonable and then sit down and negotiate.

                You may come of better on some areas and worse on others, but at least you both arrive at an agreement that you each had some control over. Leaving it up to a judge involves risk for both of you.

                If she still doesn't go for this, then you may have to just suck it up and duke it out in court. Keep that door open, though ... my ex was dead-set against negotiation for a year before she finally caved.

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by About_Time View Post
                  You can't do this without lawyers, in my opinion. What I would suggest you say to her is "Look, we can go through the courts and drag this out for 3 years and spend a fortune doing so OR we could consult our lawyers about what they think we'd get if we went to court and haggle it out from there". Do some research, identify your key issues and get an honest opinion from your lawyer about what would be reasonable and then sit down and negotiate.
                  Excellent advice.

                  Also if you can, go to a few mediation sessions early in the process. If it doesn't work out, it at least gives you a good idea what your ex is arguing about, instead of just getting nasty letters back and forth between your lawyers. Mediation isn't binding on you. Probably a better investment than two hours of meetings, phone calls and emails with your lawyer.

                  Comment

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