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How does one pay to adult child when he doesn't want it?

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  • How does one pay to adult child when he doesn't want it?

    Another question:

    In 2017 ex and I avoided arbitration by settling our long running dispute. One of the stipulations agreed to and settled was that I give each of my 2 kids $10,000 for additional S7 expenses while they were in university. I should add that, during their entire time away at school, I continued to pay child support to their mother and also contributed to their S7 expenses.

    My ex felt this was the least I could do as she felt I didn't contribute enough, so I agree to pay them $10,000 each after a period of time.

    So here we are, and both kids are 27 years old and both of them have *very* well paying, full time jobs and careers. When I asked them about making the payments to them, they both refused saying that they a) never asked for it and b) don't need it because already they are financially self sufficient.

    My ex has had a conniption over this and insists I pay them anyway and it is my responsibility to do so as agreed. Both kids told me they would send the money back because they don't want it.

    Now she wants to file a court action against me forcing me to pay and them to accept. And if they continue to refuse, she would want that money to be paid out to her in terms of retro spousal support, to which I already agreed and paid a princely sum in early 2018.

    Frankly, both kids and I think this is silly and if they don't want it, I have done my part and so have they but their mother insists I follow through.

    I will leave my opinions as to why she may be doing this, but to me it's irrelevant. Just looking for other opinions here as to what to do about this matter.

  • #2
    Send them each a registered letter with a cheque inside. You have then fulfilled the agreement. If they don’t cash it/send it back to you then bonus for you, but to be honest I think it was a little weird that you *asked* them about something you had agreed to in a legal agreement with their mother.

    There are power dynamic between children and parents (even when the child is an adult) and your actions give the impression you don’t want to pay what you have agreed and are expecting your children to side with you vs their mother. Stop putting your children in the middle of the conflict you have with their mother and move on.

    Comment


    • #3
      They knew all about it because their mother asked them whether I paid them or not. When the payment was due, perhaps I exercised poor judgement then because I asked them if I could etransfer the money to them and needed their new email addresses.

      I get your point..

      Comment


      • #4
        Was it stipulated in your agreement that you pay the ten grand IN ADDITION to cs and university?

        If no then tell her you have met your obligation via the section 7 and cs payments.

        If yes then you tell her the money was to be paid to the children and that matter is between you and the children. What they choose to do with the money is their decision and it will not be discussed further.

        If she responds that she will file a court action advise her she is welcome to do so but you will seek full costs in the matter.

        Then you put her on ignore.

        I also agree with the other poster who said send the cheques and if the kids choose to rip them up thats on them. Just be careful that they dont sign them over to mom.

        Comment


        • #5
          Yes the stipulation was that the $10K was to be paid for any outstanding S7 expenses, so yes in addition to the CS and S7 already paid.

          I really like the rest of your advice, rockscan. This is precisely what I told her a few days ago and also told her that she is free to file a court action and I would be seeking costs...and...I blocked her from any further contact with me directly. I always thought the matter was between adults and myself, and not my ex.

          I do like the suggestion of the cheques, so I will do that. Sometimes it's good to post these sorts of things and get such useful advice.

          Comment


          • #6
            More than likely she is trying to get the money for herself. Im sure she has already asked the kids for it. Your obligation is to pay it. If they choose to rip it up, that’s their business.

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by KW_Divorced View Post
              Yes the stipulation was that the $10K was to be paid for any outstanding S7 expenses, so yes in addition to the CS and S7 already paid.

              What does the agreement say, specifically? If it is for "outstanding" s7, and you paid your proportional amount for their education and other costs per the legislative requirements, I would argue there are no "outstanding" expenses and therefore nothing is payable.


              Depending on the wording, the above may apply. If it doesn't, simply do as was mentioned above and send them a cheque via registered mail. The kids can either cash it or not. Leave it up to them. The ex cannot force them to cash it, and she would almost certainly be unsuccessful in turning money she agreed would be payable to kids once they graduated college into SS.

              Comment


              • #8
                It is for "Full and Final contribution to Section 7 expenses"

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by KW_Divorced View Post
                  It is for "Full and Final contribution to Section 7 expenses"


                  If it’s for S7 why is it going to the kids? Unless the kids had to pay your portion of S7 because you didn’t I don’t understand how this could be for S7 expenses... you don’t just make up random S7 amounts because she feels you didn’t pay enough... that makes no sense.

                  Regardless, the children are adults. If this is money you owe them your ex has no say. Sure send a cheque but what’s the point if they already stated they don’t want it? Seems like a waste of your and their time. Let the ex file a court application trying to force you to give money to your adult children when they have already denied it.

                  Unless you have younger children that are still considered children of the marriage stop speaking to your ex. You have zero reason to.


                  Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    It was part of the settlement back in 2017 and my ex wanted that because she felt I hadn't paid enough of their S7 and Child Support, even though I fully paid all CS on time to her, even though kids were all away. And I paid kids thousands in S7 expenses over the years.

                    I only agreed because I chickened out and feared arbitration, so that clause was put in.

                    Both kids emphatically refuse the money, and told me that they would deny any bank transfers, as they said enough was enough and don't want/need anything.

                    All their school debt is long gone, they have excellent paying jobs, and have moved on with their lives. And no, there are no more younger children, so message received and agree. No need to speak to ex whatsoever. I have since blocked her on all social media, emails and text.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by KW_Divorced View Post
                      It was part of the settlement back in 2017 and my ex wanted that because she felt I hadn't paid enough of their S7 and Child Support, even though I fully paid all CS on time to her, even though kids were all away. And I paid kids thousands in S7 expenses over the years.

                      I only agreed because I chickened out and feared arbitration, so that clause was put in.

                      Both kids emphatically refuse the money, and told me that they would deny any bank transfers, as they said enough was enough and don't want/need anything.

                      All their school debt is long gone, they have excellent paying jobs, and have moved on with their lives. And no, there are no more younger children, so message received and agree. No need to speak to ex whatsoever. I have since blocked her on all social media, emails and text.

                      If the above is the case, I would simply ignore the ex. If she really wants to force the issue, she can file a motion to enforce payment and then the kids can go up and say they don't want it to a judge.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        As an update to this board, I finally decided that an ongoing battle with the ex isn't worth it, so I met my obligation and sent my kids the money as per the agreement. Case closed and thanks to all for the great input I received.

                        Comment

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