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  • Ex's New Partner means more harrassment

    My ex wife started dating a seemingly normal guy about 5-6 months ago. I have never talked to or contacted her new partner and from what the kids have told me they like him. In the past she was with a crazy guy who stalked my house, her house, her families house and eventually was scared off when cas became involved.

    My ex and I have 2 boys ages 11 and 5, joint custody, week on/week off. We officially ended our relationship around 3 years ago and I recently purchased a home with my new fiancee. My fiancee and I have left my ex and her new partner alone, we don't contact them and we don't talk poorly of them to our kids. We are very happy in our life together and have no need to bother others. When my ex had her last crazy boyfriend we put up with vandalism, breakins, threats etc etc and the police were literally useless.

    Recently I have been noticing a vehicle similar to my ex wifes current partner driving through my new neighbourhood and driving past my house. I took the license plate and it is indeed her boyfriend. Our street is very private and connects to nothing, essentially, if you are coming onto my street you are visiting a home on it. Her boyfriend apparently lives on the other end of town, about 20-25 minutes away. We have been seeing him more and more and videotaped him yesterday driving slowly by the front of the house. I know its a public street but he has no business that I can think of being there and we have never done a thing to him.

    I contacted my ex yesterday and politely expressed my frustration. My fiancee is scared especially considering the stuff we went through with her last partner. My ex wife became upset at the accusations and didn't believe me so I sent her a copy of the video. Within 10 minutes her boyfriend is calling my house and inviting me to come and fight....the whole time I can hear my kids talking in the background which means they are likely hearing this lunatic. The guy wanted me to come to the store they were shopping at and fight him....while out with my kids???!!! The guy was so offended and pissed off that I dare videotape his truck that he wanted to fight and promised that he would drive by as often as he likes because "its a public road".

    In your opinion, when does his presence become a police matter? We called yesterday and there is nothing they can do at this point. I would LOVE to act without consequences but that is not how the world operates. I really don't understand why he is bothering us.

    The last time he saw me turn down my own street he took off like a bat out of hell. I really really don't get this guy.

  • #2
    Not much you can do unless he takes it further. It sucks, but it is what it is.
    Maybe you can get him on recording saying that kind of crazy crap.

    If so, you might be able to leverage it to file a motion with the court to keep the nutball away from the kidlets and/or leverage a TRO.

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    • #3
      The video may be colloberating evidence to the now threats of violence that you just received.

      I'd send another email to the ex stating that you don't appreciate being threated and any further threats will be handled by the police. Further, such threats were made while in the presense of the children which is completely unacceptable and that neither party should talk negatively of the other party in the presense of the children.

      I would just log the times you catch him driving down the street and whether he appears to slow in front your house.

      Outside that, I'd do what I could to protect myself. Bring a witness for all pickups/dropoffs. Should the new b/f come out and attempt to engage you or become hostile, go to your car and call the police and request they come to supervise the exchange. If that causes the ex to deny parenting time, search my name and denial of access to see what to do.

      But primarily, protect yourself. It may really be nothing or he may have a friend local to your place. Just keep tabs on it and protect yourself when you are their presense.

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      • #4
        Other than that, if you see him driving down the road while you are outside... Smile pleasantly and wave

        It'll drive him nuts.

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        • #5
          Originally posted by NBDad View Post
          Other than that, if you see him driving down the road while you are outside... Smile pleasantly and wave

          It'll drive him nuts.
          Yep it would. It seems like the one common element in this is the ex. Wonder what she is saying to these bfs that are making them do what they are doing.

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          • #6
            Originally posted by NBDad View Post
            Other than that, if you see him driving down the road while you are outside... Smile pleasantly and wave

            It'll drive him nuts.
            "Smile and Wave", The Headstones

            HEADSTONES -- Smile and Wave - YouTube

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            • #7
              If you have a problem that you think might escalate you should call the police again and this time and ask to speak to a staff sergeant. Make sure you get a police file #. Quite possibly the police will go to your ex's house and speak to the bf. If he goes bezerk then the police will advise you to get a peace bond where he has to stay 1 mile away from you (which might not be a bad idea anyhow).

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              • #8
                Wow either your ex is a lightning rod for crazy or she is really selling these guys a line of bs to get them so worked up.Security cameras are pretty cheap these days ,just one covering the front of your house and the road .Have it save to your computer .It serves as a deterrent to the crazy guy and can give you enough proof to get a peace bond if he keeps on hanging around.Win ,win.

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                • #9
                  This is why I enjoy this forum. Just when I think my life is stressful I read about someone else's situation. Absolutely carazey! Your ex certainly likes the high octane brutes!

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                  • #10
                    It is stunning to me what kinds of things ppl say to new partners about their exes. And even more perplexing that these new partners take it upon themselves to believe every single word, and then act on it somehow. Definitely not normal behavior. To me, it suggests impulsivity, low I.Q., a penchant for drama and a complete and utter lack of common sense.

                    I have had to involve the police re: my ex's crazy wife. I don't even know the silly bitch, and I don't talk to him.

                    Definitely, do not get into a fight w/him. As much as it might be tempting to pop him one - it's a big, big mistake. Maybe she has him convinced you're still "wanting her back" and that's why he's acting like a caveman/stalker. Lol - my ex has his wife convinced that I want him back and that I'm so upset not "having" him, that that's why I took him to court! Yup. Makes perfect sense... To someone without a brain, I suppose.

                    A security camera/alarm system would be a wise investment. Never underestimate "Crazy."
                    Last edited by hadenough; 08-27-2012, 10:53 PM.

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                    • #11
                      Thanks for all your advice and opinions on this matter.

                      The sad part about this is that my kids witnessed another one of her partners berating their father on the phone. My boys are very close to me and I know it bothers them. Its a very bad example that is being set.

                      My ex wife has a history of taking up with guys with low self esteem, and prior to my relationship with her, everyone she had ever dated has supposedly abused her. A huge part of our custody proceedings was that she claimed I abused her and the children; fortunately no judge believed her and she lost her claim for sole custody. Unfortunately she still has the children half the time and is constantly exposing them to her problems with her partners.

                      The last time I spoke with the police they offered up just enough information to let me know that they have her figured out.

                      For the last year, when my ex picks up the kids the exchange place is in a mall parking lot. The exchanges used to be at my house until she threw several tantrums in front of my neighbours. It was embarrassing and now that I have a fresh start in a new neighbourhood I don't want anymore nonsense. When I pick up the kids from her place to start my week, I will be recording everything (audio and video), as I am confident that her partner will try and stir up trouble. This partner as well as her last partner have tried to egg me on to fight, knowing full well that I would decline because I risk affecting my current custody arrangement should I be charged.

                      The immaturity of these people is precisely why I have so little contact with my ex wife. It all comes down to jelousy and also the fact that I have a better income, better career, better looks and a fiancee who doesn't sleep around......this is why these guys of hers get jealous. All it takes is for her to get angry and them and insinuate that she wants to be back with me, and next thing they are bothering me. Its a sick game.

                      Since this latest episode, her partner and her have been taking the phone and hanging up if I call to talk to the kids. I guess this is punishment for cathing her boyfriend driving by our house and daring to complain about it.

                      Well back to work as I have to leave early today. I have to go to a government office and request a letter stating that I am a parent with joint custodial rights to the children and stating what their health card numbers are. I have to do this because my ex wife would not agree to provide photo copies of their health cards after months of me asking.

                      Sorry for the long post, I am tired of the constant bs this woman and her crew of boyfriends has caused for my fiancee and I. I can only imagine how much worse it is for a lot of people on this forum and I feel terrible for them.

                      Comment

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