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  • How to stop ex changing child’s name?

    Yesterday my ex-wife sent me a notice about changing my son’s last name. She has the full custody of my son. I know this is legal in Ontario. The question is how to stop it. I think that probably applying for joint custody is a way to stop it. Could anyone please advise me?

  • #2
    Yes, you're on the right track.

    Decisions about a child's name are considered an incident of custody. So, if your ex has sole custody, she has the right to change your child's name.

    Because of this, it's normal that most separation agreements or court orders contain a clause that the children's names can't be changed. You should start by checking for this.

    If there's no such clause, you need to go back to court and ask for an order restraining the name change. The court treats this as a motion to vary custody.

    You don't need to get joint custody to stop the name change. You just need to show the court that keeping the same name is in the child's best interests.

    You should also inform the Registrar General that you are going to court. They have a policy of waiting 60 days if you do so. This give you time to go to court.

    Given the time it takes for a court to make a decision, you may also need an order directing the Registrar General not to proceed with the name change until court proceedings are finished. However, often if you can show that you are moving court proceedings along quickly, the Registrar General will just wait.
    Ottawa Divorce

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    • #3
      Thank you, Jeff.

      There is no such clause that the child’s name can not be changed. So I have to apply for a court order restraining the name change.

      My son is 3 years old. His best interest is stability in his life. His name change will create confusion and anarchy. Every record, birth certificate, OHIP, health records, immunization, school records and insurance beneficiary will have to be amended to reflect the new name. It is a method to marginalize the tie between the child and a biological parent.

      Do you have any suggestions on keeping the same name is the child’s best interests?

      Comment


      • #4
        That's hard to answer in the abstract without knowing the specifics of your case.

        Usually, the more involved the father is in the child's life, the more difficult it is for the mother to change the child's name, as it can be argued that the name is an important part of the child's identity and of the child's relationship with his father.

        Cases where the mother tries to change the child's name to that of a new husband usually fail as well, particularly if the biological father is involved in the child's life.

        The burden is also on your ex to show why the name change is in the child's best interests; then it's up to you to show that her arguments shouldn't carry much weight. The notice you received should state why your ex wants the name change - the form requests an explanation for the application to change the child's name.

        Changing all the child's documents like you mention isn't really a big deal in a judge's eyes; it's not convenience that's important in a decision to change names.

        Normally the child's views would be canvassed but you child is too young for that.

        A typical argument might be that it's very important that you and the child continue to share the same last name as it is an important connection between you. There's a strong bond between you and the child and changing the child's name is an attempt to interfere with this bond, etc.
        Ottawa Divorce

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        • #5
          But how do you back up that its very important to share the surname?
          Wouldn't they need some sort of "proof"?

          Comment


          • #6
            Small pototoes,

            Did you have a lawyer draw up your agreement? Name change is a fairly standard clause in separation agreements. Doesn't seem fair to you that this was left out of your agreement and now you have to go through the aggravation of trying to stop this.

            Comment


            • #7
              Thank you all.

              I did not have a lawyer draw up a divorce agreement.

              My ex-wife is a dominant, aggressive and emotional woman. The reason of my divorce was she complained and pushed me too much especially after I got laid off and our son was born. She was employed and taking her maternity leave at that time. She blamed me a loser for I could not get job offers. She ordered me to follow her willing and instructions to take care of our son. She complained a lot about my cares for our son was not the exact she wanted even when our friends visited us. Some friends told her they saw me feeding baby, changing diapers and giving baby baths. Their conclusion was that I was a good caregiver of my son. But she was still not satisfied. Her pushes and complaints were unbearable. So I left home.

              We had a house and a son. She wanted to get everything. She told me not to fight against her for our son’s custody because the family law protects mothers. She withdrew most money from our joint account to her account and told me that the money was the support for our son. She stopped paying the mortgages and threatened me that she would make the bank sell our house on auctions if I did not remove my name from the deed.

              I know that normally the court would divide properties equally to husbands and wives by selling properties. I love my son very much. I wanted my son to live in that spacious house. She knew my weaknesses and told me that she would not ask me for the child support within 3 years if I gave her our house. So I removed my name from the deed, which meant my ex-wife was the only owner of our house.

              She filed an application for our son’s full custody at the court. The court order shows she has the sole custody of our son and I have the right to access him. I was so upset that forgot to ask her sign a divorce agreement with the clause which can not change our son’s name.

              I divorced after 1 year when I left home. I left Canada for US to look for new opportunities. I visit my son every 2 months. She asked her parents to take care of our son in that house. After 4 months after the divorce, she sold our house and got $100,000 (one hundred thousand dollars). When she knew I got a job of technical leader 3 months ago, she asked me for the child support by breaking her promise with 3 years. I reminded her promise. But she denied for we did not have a written agreement. She even said if I would not pay money she would change our son’s last name to hers. I know I made a mistake.

              So now I want to stop her changing my son’s last name, apply for joint custody and ask her for spouse support if possible because I had no incomes for one year when she had.

              I need your advice and help.

              Have a nice weekend.

              Comment


              • #8
                I don't see how it matters. It's still your child. Names are just posessions. It will still be yours regardless. It's just something else for parents to fight over.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by w/ohope
                  I don't see how it matters. It's still your child. Names are just posessions. It will still be yours regardless. It's just something else for parents to fight over.
                  It matters because as the admin and others have said it goes towards the child's identity. Not only that, it seems to me that it may cause more confusion to the child to suddenly have a different name.

                  Small Potatoes, I hope everything works out. She can't just arbitrarily change the child's name just because she wants to. She has to have good reason and show it is in the best interest of the child and honestly I can't think of any reasons that would justify this.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by applepie
                    It matters because as the admin and others have said it goes towards the child's identity. Not only that, it seems to me that it may cause more confusion to the child to suddenly have a different name.
                    Depending how old the child is it may not even matter. If the child is old enough (atleast 8 or so) let them choose. Children are only as confused as you make them. If it's explained there's no confusion. People on this site seem to make as if children are complete idiots and delecate as rice paper. If you explain and have discussions with your child it shouldn't make a difference towards it's "confusion"

                    What if the child has siblings later on in life, the mother gets married and they are the only one with a different last name? Wouldn't that be bad for a child? It makes you feel like an outsider. It happened to a friend of mine in highschool. The mother got finally married and they had children of their own and the girl was left with another last name. She felt like she didn't fit in. In your teen years when you're already messed up (cause all teens are)but feeling like an outsider in a family ful of people you know you love, but you're different....Honestly.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      I think 8 is too young to make a decision like that. I think it would add to the confusion for a child to change their name.

                      That said, I'm going to contradict myself from an earlier post, on another thread. In general I don't think once you choose a name for a child at birth it should be changed. When my nasty divorce started years ago, I went back to using my maiden name. Despite the fact that a Judge ordered a publication ban, my case has made a few headlines over the years. My children found this both mortifying & embarrassing. One of my children, started signing her school work using my maiden name. Understandably, both the school & I have allowed her to continue doing this. Now that my case is over, I will wait until she is 16 and let her make the decision on her own to change her name legally.

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                      • #12
                        Maybe 8 is a bit too young but definetly old enough for them to understand what's going on. I don't know where you all get this "confusion" from. Do you know explain things to your children?

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by w/ohope
                          Maybe 8 is a bit too young but definetly old enough for them to understand what's going on. I don't know where you all get this "confusion" from. Do you know explain things to your children?
                          It's like Disney movies. There are things the kids will understand and then there are the hidden things underneath the colorful story that only the adults will understand and that children will not until they have a few more years of life under their belt. As far as a name change goes, if you've been called one thing all of your life and then suddenly you are called something else, wouldn't you find that a little disconcerting?

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by applepie
                            As far as a name change goes, if you've been called one thing all of your life and then suddenly you are called something else, wouldn't you find that a little disconcerting?
                            Nope. There were alot of changes in my life growing up, and they were explained to me. Sure some things i didn't quite get but i understood it more and more as time passed. Still, as much as i may not have fully understood nothing was ever enough to make it traumatic, and neither is something as changing a name, especially a surname. Not a big deal at all. With children, it's how YOU treat the situation that dictates how they react.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              A name change of a child to some parents is an actual insult. If your child is a girl, and at some point gets married, often the bride will drop her name and take on her husband's surname.

                              There is a leading SCC case on this matter. The SCC ruled that the Vital Statistics ACT (BC) was found to be discriminatory. I believe the statute has since been amended due to this case.

                              Comment

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