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  • Daycare/School and Joint Custody

    Hi there:

    I am in a bit of a different situation than all of you here, but I am looking for support and guidance.

    I have joint custody of my granddaughter (2.5 yrs) and I am the primary home. Mother has EOW and a clause that states any other time with 24 hr notice. No CS and she collects all the CTB.

    When my granddaughter came into my care (Oct 2009) I took a parental leave from work. Mother was not very involved.

    Upon returning to work (Sept 2010) I needed to find daycare. Mother was not working but was not interested in full time parenting on a regular basis. I ended up enrolling granddaughter into private Montessori and gave Mother many opportunities to talk to school and encouraged her to have a tour. She did not. I paid for Montessori myself. I collect no money from Mother of child.

    Over the last 2 years Mother has flitted in and out of her life, lived in many homes. no work, no school.

    Mothers new Boyfriend and pregnant Mother lived with us Jan-May 2011 and Mother only had a small interest in caring for child and never said anything about child being in school or offered to care for her even when sick. I was still was the primary caretaker. (and love every minute of it)

    Fast Forward to now.

    Recently had a baby and is living with boyfriend in boyfriend parents house. Neither are working or going to school. Mother is starting to visit with more regularity since Sept 2011. I asked for a portion of the CTB (she gets max amount) to help pay for extra expenses (school is part arts school as well - so wanted to cover some extra expenses such as uniform shirt or dance slippers - minor things)I was refused any monies.. The next day she served a motion for sole custody and wants to pull granddaughter out of Montessori to be with her during the day.

    Is it a valid argument that because of past behaviour and inconsistency, the granddaughter should remain in school while she is in my primary home (I know I have no control or say if she does get sole custody). I am worried that if she responsible for granddaughter during my work hrs, I can possibly end up losing my job due to her not showing up for care, or wanting to only watch her when convenient.

    As well - I am open to increased access/residency at this time in order to see if she is serious about full time care of grandchild but I am not comfortable with Mother having sole custody.

    Any suggestions? Am I being reasonable?

    Thanks,
    Gmama (way too young )

  • #2
    Sorry that I dont have an answer for you as I am sure there are way more qualified flks on here to give you that. I just wanted to say that the child is sure lucky to have you.

    The childs mother on the other hand sounds like something straight out of the tv series "Trailer Park Boys".

    Comment


    • #3
      Thank you! Sometimes it is hard to remember I am doing the right thing when you are stuck between your child and your grandchild.

      She is quite a different child - yes. But she does have a great sense of humour and can be absolute gold at times. She is just a *bit* misguided and tends to think the world owes her money, and status for having a child.

      I hope someone has some experience dealing with a NCP at home but keeping a child in full-time care and how the courts view a Mothers rights vs a non bio "parents" rights.

      Comment


      • #4
        I can't say I have much advice for you. Courts tend to side with bioparents, but there are alot more grandparents rights out there, my children have three friends who are being raised by grandparents and I give you credit, you are doing the best thing for this child and you should be thanked not taken to court!!

        Comment


        • #5
          Would status quo not fall into effect here? Even though you are not a bio parent, you are basically the only parent this child has ever known...

          Comment


          • #6
            Do you have any kind of legal document giving you the status quo custody you have stated or is it all just word of mouth?

            Get yourself a lawyer. Also re: CCTB..you should be filing with CRA for this, NOT asking the mother for it. You've enabled her behaviour all this time and allowed her access to free money for no effort. Time for daughter dearest to put on the big girl pants.

            Comment


            • #7
              To Grandma.. Like others posting here I applaud your efforts. Though I think you should also have the custody arrangement confirmed by court order AND you should be receiving child support from 2 parents PLUS all of the tax credits. If you haven't taken time to do that, then shame on you.

              Comment


              • #8
                [quote=NBDad;79242]Do you have any kind of legal document giving you the status quo custody you have stated or is it all just word of mouth?

                I do have a custody agreement from Feb. 8 2010 from the Court(by the time it was completed I had already had grandchild for 4 months). It stated joint custody with primary residence at Maternal Grandmothers and Mother to have EOW and 24hr notice any other time. Very simple agreement.

                At that time - I thought all rainbows and butterflies lol and she would go to school, become independent, get a job, etc.. basically get straightened up.

                I have completed and served all my responding documents so the next step is to go to the first court date. I am going to get a lawyer for court but I am capable (I think) of completing documents with the occasional consult. I did visit a lawyer for a consult in May 2011 and have a letter from him stating that at this time he believes the court would not award sole custody.

                I know I should file for CTB - (Hubby has been saying that for 2 years now) I am a bit of a softie and think she will starve without it. So time for me to toughen up a bit too and stop enabling her behaviour.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by BeenThereTwice View Post
                  To Grandma.. Like others posting here I applaud your efforts. Though I think you should also have the custody arrangement confirmed by court order AND you should be receiving child support from 2 parents PLUS all of the tax credits. If you haven't taken time to do that, then shame on you.
                  When I took grandchild into my care, Mother was not working and still does not have any income so CS = 0. She was also under 18 = parental support from me. So the side deal was to split the CTB to cover both CS and Parental Support. I thought by now she would have had a job and be independent - oh well Mothers love!

                  Father is not in the picture at all.

                  We (and I know all of you as parents) want so much to believe the good in our children that sometimes we are naive to the other parts.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Here is an update:
                    We went for our first court date. I agreed to 3 nights a week with Mother in turn for 50% CTB. However, I think I have hit a snag.... (please let me know your thoughts)

                    Mother had child for Christmas (agreement states 24 from 8pm and 25 - no return time). Based on the pick-up/drop times for every other visit being pick-up after school and drop off a 7pm - is it fair and reasonable to assume that drop off will be at 7pm on the 25th? This is part of her residency time and all other drop off times (except for the 25th not being explicitly stated) for this court agreement state 7pm. Is it also fair and reasonable that pick-up on days where there is a school holiday be between 3 and 4 (usual pick-up times from after school)

                    This agreement is police enforced - so are my rights to call if she refuses to drop off at 7pm on the 25th (she is stating that the 25 also means the 26th as well since that is a holiday). Can I send a letter to her and her laywer stating that "I am expecting drop-off at 7pm on Dec 25th since that is a fair and reasonable assessment based on established pick-up/drop-off times"

                    Other notes: We had planned to go away from 25-28 and asked Mother to keep child until 28th and then pick her back up Fri instead of Thurs (usual day) to ensure fairness (she would actually get extra time) but she refused to keep child longer. We then made plans to leave late on the 25th or early 26th and return on morning of 29th from scheduled pick-up for Mother. When I mentioned this she stated she will not be dropping child off until after shopping on 26th.

                    Input please on how to resolve this?

                    Thanks!

                    Comment

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