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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #11  
Old 04-07-2020, 09:24 PM
Abba435 Abba435 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Janus View Post
You always have the right to give her 100% of the parenting time. Nobody is forcing you to be a parent.

If you are truly that concerned and this isn't just posturing, then let her have the kids 100% of the time. Option 2 works!
Thanks for the advice. Stay safe.
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  #12  
Old 04-07-2020, 09:27 PM
Abba435 Abba435 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Janus View Post
You always have the right to give her 100% of the parenting time. Nobody is forcing you to be a parent.

If you are truly that concerned and this isn't just posturing, then let her have the kids 100% of the time. Option 2 works!
You assume that a) she wants the children 100% of the time b) the children would be best served by this and c) this is an easy decision. It is clear that you likely have no personal experience with these difficult circumstances. So while I appreciate you taking the time to comment I do not find this helpful or genuine.
Stay safe.
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  #13  
Old 04-07-2020, 10:35 PM
LovingDad1234 LovingDad1234 is offline
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In an ideal world, we’d be able to talk to our ex’s without trepidation. However many of us have been through hell which is court and lawyers , often fending off craziness beyond belief.

I fear talking candidly to my ex, knowing she is capable of misconstruing and twisting every word to suit her warped thinking. My ex’s mother is over at my ex’s nearly each day. They are tied at the hip. If I were to mention anything, I know I would be lighting an atomic bomb! I don’t go anywhere beyond my household with kids, but if my ex were to somehow suspect my parents stopped by, she would go apeshit. You can’t fix crazy. My ex thinks she’s never in the wrong, full of double standards, and I’ll never win no matter how right I am, even in court and through a judge. Crazy? My ex wanted to get the OCL worker fired for siding with me.

Only advice I can give is that you cannot change crazy and your ex will never see the wrong in her own actions. I wish you luck in your communication and expressing your concern. Sane people would listen and work with you....our exes dismiss and shut conversations down without discussion.
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  #14  
Old 04-09-2020, 01:10 PM
Abba435 Abba435 is offline
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Resolved. No lawyers. No court. No mediator.
Children's mother agreed that stricter measures are appropriate with some back and forth and the usual insults.
Thanks you for the helpful comments.
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  #15  
Old 04-10-2020, 01:00 AM
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Rioe Rioe is offline
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Originally Posted by rockscan View Post
I think there is a fine line between being concerned and being a gatekeeper. Added to that this is the child’s other parent. You are basically saying to the other parent “I don’t trust you with MY child”. Which only leads to escalating the situation further.

I also think in your case this sounds like you telling your ex not to see her bf.
Some of us went through terrible break-ups with our exes, during which we learned that they turned out to be manipulative liars about very important stuff. We learned that they can't be trusted at all.

If my ex thought it would benefit him, he'd say whatever bullshit he wanted about how well he's isolating, regardless of the truth.
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  #16  
Old 04-10-2020, 08:05 AM
Abba435 Abba435 is offline
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Until you have lived this it is impossible to understand it fully.

People see the world as they have experienced it. That is the value and the danger of these forums. The two edged sword. Some come here to preach, some to teach, some to be heard. Take what you can and leave the rest. I have benefited greatly from many of the historic posts and also from comments made on mine. Sometimes people just want to blow their own horn and put others down. That's ok. They have their own needs.

I have a few rules with my ex that I also teach my kids.

Try not to take the bait.

Don't be bullied.

When they are right they are right, admit it, take your medicine.

Always try to be Brief, Informative Fair, Firm, Factual, Friendly. This actually works well in just about all situations.

Bullies often back off, or of they push it into court get put in their places.

Don't be a bully.

Stay safe.
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